Low attention span reviews and ratings [Closed]

[Makimaam]

mirror mirror on the wall, rate my novel bowling ball
Neapolitan Nightmares

I don’t rate novels.
I don’t believe a rating system is fair for them. Anyway.


The synopsis needs work. To summarize, there are three girls and a villain. That’s essentially it. I suppose the “serial killer” label drop adds a bit of intrigue, which means you need to sell that hard.

Ch0: And you tried. But your villain introduction fails to impress. Instead of someone who reads like a menacing threat, the wolf comes across like a sloppy hobo undergoing a midlife crisis. The fact that he couldn’t stand on his own makes him read like a poor, forgettable, pathetic sap who talks about… tea with a “supposedly mysterious woman.”

It drags on and on, and then finally gives us something to care about at the end. The stakes, but honestly, it’s too late. The wolf doesn’t seem like a particularly competent villain either. And the woman? She’s very bored, so are we.

Cut the domesticity. Make it creepier. You can always add banter later, but you don’t have much space here to impress readers.

Chapter 1:

Ch1 starts with a rant, then rapid name-drops. In a single paragraph, 10 characters are introduced. Don’t care, will forget.

In the following paragraph, 5 more names appear, and yet we still do not know the blonde protagonist’s name. Is that a deliberate omission? If so, why?

Their banters are boring, flavorless, and at this point I am already checked out. With so many characters being thrown at me, I cannot tell who I am meant to care about or follow in this bland opening chapter.

I suppose Chapter 0 is slightly better, though not by much. You establish the stakes: the wolf and a mysterious woman are hunting the blonde girl. Then you introduce her, or rather, fail to. You could have made us care about her in Chapter 1. You could have sharpened the villain in Chapter 0. You did neither, and I see no reason to click “next.”

 

[empalgepuk]

It’s a skip for me.

Synopsis:

It reads pretty familiar like any fantasy story. The voice doesn’t stands out, nor does the plot. Perhaps the only thing that makes it slightly more interesting is the last line. I would have stopped at the synopsis.

Chapter 1:

Your prose is competent and readable. The action reads clearly on the page, which is to say it’s better than many of the web novels on this website. The characters have personality through the dialogue. It reads natural enough.

Overall, if your aim is to capture readers with the synopsis, it fails. Even if some are interested enough to go through the opening chapter, they might drop out too. Why?

Despite the competent prose, the natural dialogue, and the character dynamics, unfortunately, that is not enough. There is no particularly interesting concept.

Chapter 1 only introduces characters and alludes to more, which is fine, but while characters are what readers follow, there needs to be a plot as well. Right now, you leave us, the readers, going through rat fights and some dungeon adventure with no clear stakes. It’s just too lengthy, with pacing that drags in the middle.

You have only minutes to impress low-attention-span readers like me and you need to make every single word work. As a reader, I would simply nod and say, “Good job, next.”

Thank you for pointing that out. Looks like I need to move this chapter back and pull out the one where it matters.

It's a long roadmap though. But it's clearer now. Again, thank you.

 

[VanVeleca]

I don’t rate novels.
I don’t believe a rating system is fair for them. Anyway.


The synopsis needs work. To summarize, there are three girls and a villain. That’s essentially it. I suppose the “serial killer” label drop adds a bit of intrigue, which means you need to sell that hard.

Ch0: And you tried. But your villain introduction fails to impress. Instead of someone who reads like a menacing threat, the wolf comes across like a sloppy hobo undergoing a midlife crisis. The fact that he couldn’t stand on his own makes him read like a poor, forgettable, pathetic sap who talks about… tea with a “supposedly mysterious woman.”

It drags on and on, and then finally gives us something to care about at the end. The stakes, but honestly, it’s too late. The wolf doesn’t seem like a particularly competent villain either. And the woman? She’s very bored, so are we.

Cut the domesticity. Make it creepier. You can always add banter later, but you don’t have much space here to impress readers.

Chapter 1:

Ch1 starts with a rant, then rapid name-drops. In a single paragraph, 10 characters are introduced. Don’t care, will forget.

In the following paragraph, 5 more names appear, and yet we still do not know the blonde protagonist’s name. Is that a deliberate omission? If so, why?

Their banters are boring, flavorless, and at this point I am already checked out. With so many characters being thrown at me, I cannot tell who I am meant to care about or follow in this bland opening chapter.

I suppose Chapter 0 is slightly better, though not by much. You establish the stakes: the wolf and a mysterious woman are hunting the blonde girl. Then you introduce her, or rather, fail to. You could have made us care about her in Chapter 1. You could have sharpened the villain in Chapter 0. You did neither, and I see no reason to click “next.”

thank u for reading :3
The Wolf is not actually a villain! (from my perspective*)

 

[FabsVibes]

It's my first time trying to write a novel, I'm an ex manga lore writer and ex rap lyrics writer, I know that there will be lots of typos and grammatical errors cause english is not my first language and this is a translation of my italian novel. I really need a feedback no matter how raw and harsh it will be

Heroes of the Abyss: Zero

The world is not a circle. It is a triangle of concrete, magic, and mud, its apex pointed toward a sky that no one has ever truly seen. At the very base, crushed by the weight of billions of tons of indifference, lies Sector Z. Zero is 19 years old, a...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Empire145]

If you have the time, please try reading my novel. Since my English isn't very good, I used a translation tool; I hope this won't disrupt your reading experience.https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2120645/empire/

 

[SenseiHusky]

There is no strict format for my feedback, but here is my general approach:

1. I read your synopsis, then I read Chapter 1 until I stop. That could be the first paragraph, or it could be the entire chapter. If it interests me, due to personal preference, I will continue to the next chapters.
2. I will tell you why I stopped if I think it might be constructive for you. When I don’t, it is usually along the lines of: I think you have a lot to work on and I am not qualified or patient enough to be your writing coach, or I don’t want to read generic, worldly, unedited AI-assisted content. I won’t use an AI checker, not that they are reliable anyway, so I will not accuse anyone of using it. I simply don’t want to continue reading.
3. If I make it to the end of the first chapter with my low attention span, which is difficult, I will give you a 5-star rating. Even if a piece doesn’t grab me til the end, I’ll give it 5 stars if I think it’s outstanding. I don’t rate anything lower than 5 stars.
4. If I really, really enjoy the work, I will give a constructive (or try to) review, and it can include criticism. But for me to write an essay about it, I have to like it first.

About me:

I am not going to brag about what qualifies me as a feedback giver. I will outright tell you that my feedback is subjective, personal, and it does not necessarily mean you are a bad writer if I stopped reading. It simply means the work did not interest me.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2154417/arc---the-blue-dragon/ Rate this out man

 

[Representing_Tromba]

My Friend and My Thigh

A collection of short stories based on a true stories. Names have been changed to protect the people on who these are based. This is absolutely a shitpost that I wrote, though each story is %100 true.

www.scribblehub.com

Take a look.

 

[Makimaam]

I like your vibe.
That being said I would really appreciate your feedback.

The Maverick and The Succubus [LitRPG]

5 Systems. 5 Royal Families. Greetings, Champion! 17 year-old, Collin Rex is a football player with a heart of gold. But his easygoing life is flipped upside-down when his older siblings fall into a mysterious coma. With no more tricks in their playbook Collin's folks decide to move back to...

www.scribblehub.com

I don’t see any intrigue in your synopsis. You spent a large paragraph on Collin’s background, when it could easily be shortened to one or two sentences. The magic system at the end is vague and familiar, buried under background information. A peacemaker between mortals and the supernatural? That has been seen hundreds of times before.

What else is there? You need to give us more of a tease. Why does the world even need them or him? Why should I click to see more? What are the stakes for Collin? Is he just going to be granted this system, and then what? The end?

The succubus is in your title, she is actually your selling point here on Scribblehub, but she is not mentioned even once. Why put her in the title if her role is just a foil for the main character?

Ch1:

It's been a week and Collin still didn't understand why they had to visit now as he rode through the unfamiliar neighborhood on his motorcycle.​

Visit where? This sentence is incomplete and it grated on me.

Everything was fine in Collin's life, until last year when his older siblings became ill for no reason. Naturally, his parents were distraught and visited his brother and sister many times in the hospital.​

You narrate your story in third person limited, but it reads as impersonal. Don’t be afraid to use their names instead of saying “his brother” and “his sister,” since we already know they are his elder siblings. And why were only his parents distraught? What about Collin? Ground him in the tragedy rather than making it read like, "Oh, things happened and I was kinda there."

Btw the tenses constantly shift but at this point I’ll pretend I don’t see it.

His dad was Romani with dark skin, long black hair, dark amber eyes, and was dressed in denim clothes. "Feeling better?"​

Why is Romani bolded?

His dad nodded. "I talked with your mother today and she's doing fine. Your brother's and sister's conditions are stable."​

Even dad failed to mention Collin’s siblings’ names, in the dialogue. I suppose we are meant to assume their names are “Your Brother” and “Your Sister.”

To be honest, the only reason I read up to here was because I kept noticing issues. Otherwise, I would have stopped at the beginning. I skimmed to the end and found nothing that changed my mind. Why is this your opening chapter?

Collin does not seem to care that his siblings are hospitalized. He narrates mostly to complain about the inconvenience to himself, despite the synopsis describing him as having a heart of gold.

The only hint of his sadness comes through a strangely unnatural, expository dialogue with his dad. His personality and heart could have been shown there, but instead we get only a descriptive tag about his “sad voice” and a quick summary that they had a heart-to-heart.

That makes him… not unlikeable, but bland. There is no personality, no depth, no real plot, at least not in this chapter. The ending, where you are supposed to hook the reader, concludes with a book falling off a shelf and the reveal of a childhood friend.

I think you have a lot to work on. But you did complete this novel, and I can see your passion in it. Please do work on the technical aspects.

 

[Cookiez_N_Potionz]

I don’t see any intrigue in your synopsis. You spent a large paragraph on Collin’s background, when it could easily be shortened to one or two sentences. The magic system at the end is vague and familiar, buried under background information. A peacemaker between mortals and the supernatural? That has been seen hundreds of times before.

What else is there? You need to give us more of a tease. Why does the world even need them or him? Why should I click to see more? What are the stakes for Collin? Is he just going to be granted this system, and then what? The end?

The succubus is in your title, she is actually your selling point here on Scribblehub, but she is not mentioned even once. Why put her in the title if her role is just a foil for the main character?

Ch1:

It's been a week and Collin still didn't understand why they had to visit now as he rode through the unfamiliar neighborhood on his motorcycle.​

Visit where? This sentence is incomplete and it grated on me.

Everything was fine in Collin's life, until last year when his older siblings became ill for no reason. Naturally, his parents were distraught and visited his brother and sister many times in the hospital.​

You narrate your story in third person limited, but it reads as impersonal. Don’t be afraid to use their names instead of saying “his brother” and “his sister,” since we already know they are his elder siblings. And why were only his parents distraught? What about Collin? Ground him in the tragedy rather than making it read like, "Oh, things happened and I was kinda there."

Btw the tenses constantly shift but at this point I’ll pretend I don’t see it.

His dad was Romani with dark skin, long black hair, dark amber eyes, and was dressed in denim clothes. "Feeling better?"​

Why is Romani bolded?

His dad nodded. "I talked with your mother today and she's doing fine. Your brother's and sister's conditions are stable."​

Even dad failed to mention Collin’s siblings’ names, in the dialogue. I suppose we are meant to assume their names are “Your Brother” and “Your Sister.”

To be honest, the only reason I read up to here was because I kept noticing issues. Otherwise, I would have stopped at the beginning. I skimmed to the end and found nothing that changed my mind. Why is this your opening chapter?

Collin does not seem to care that his siblings are hospitalized. He narrates mostly to complain about the inconvenience to himself, despite the synopsis describing him as having a heart of gold.

The only hint of his sadness comes through a strangely unnatural, expository dialogue with his dad. His personality and heart could have been shown there, but instead we get only a descriptive tag about his “sad voice” and a quick summary that they had a heart-to-heart.

That makes him… not unlikeable, but bland. There is no personality, no depth, no real plot, at least not in this chapter. The ending, where you are supposed to hook the reader, concludes with a book falling off a shelf and the reveal of a childhood friend.

I think you have a lot to work on. But you did complete this novel, and I can see your passion in it. Please do work on the technical aspects.

Thank you very much, Maki.

Your insight was amazing. Yeah, I'm still trying to improve my writing skills since I kinda suck at stitching together a decent synopsis. And I'm sorry my character's tone seemed self-centered? I also didn't want him to sound too whiny or emotional because readers hate that. Nobody mentioned that detail before. It was mostly about my grammar which you did point out.

My bad, I guess I can mention the names of Collin's siblings ( Ezra & Inaya). I also been told that people don't like tragedy tags that much, so I didn't think about the pain for too long. Instead, I thought I could sprinkle my characters emotional thoughts about his siblings throughout the chapters.

But thanks again for the advice. If your not busy can I send you another Synopsis of a Webnovel I haven't posted yet?

 

[DarkCosmos]

There is no strict format for my feedback, but here is my general approach:

1. I read your synopsis, then I read Chapter 1 until I stop. That could be the first paragraph, or it could be the entire chapter. If it interests me, due to personal preference, I will continue to the next chapters.
2. I will tell you why I stopped if I think it might be constructive for you. When I don’t, it is usually along the lines of: I think you have a lot to work on and I am not qualified or patient enough to be your writing coach, or I don’t want to read generic, worldly, unedited AI-assisted content. I won’t use an AI checker, not that they are reliable anyway, so I will not accuse anyone of using it. I simply don’t want to continue reading.
3. If I make it to the end of the first chapter with my low attention span, which is difficult, I will give you a 5-star rating. Even if a piece doesn’t grab me til the end, I’ll give it 5 stars if I think it’s outstanding. I don’t rate anything lower than 5 stars.
4. If I really, really enjoy the work, I will give a constructive (or try to) review, and it can include criticism. But for me to write an essay about it, I have to like it first.

About me:

I am not going to brag about what qualifies me as a feedback giver. I will outright tell you that my feedback is subjective, personal, and it does not necessarily mean you are a bad writer if I stopped reading. It simply means the work did not interest me.

Sounds good, here you go:

Truth Beyond the veil

Three close friends find their lives turned upside down after awakening from a strange event, and they receive powers they can’t explain. With these newfound abilities, they begin exploring the world, visiting places they never thought they would see. But the more they venture, the more they...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Makimaam]

But thanks again for the advice. If your not busy can I send you another Synopsis of a Webnovel I haven't posted yet?

Yes, feel free to send your synopsis here.

I also been told that people don't like tragedy tags that much, so I didn't think about the pain for too long. Instead, I thought I could sprinkle my characters emotional thoughts about his siblings throughout the chapters.

As for this, you misunderstood me. And the readers. One problem I notice is many writers don't trust their readers. They either tell too much or are so afraid to that they fail to convey anything at all. You can weave his fear and grief in subtly, and readers will feel it, experience it, rather than being told through a single phrase like, “Collin said with sadness.”

In fact, you could frame their unexpected illness as the central mystery of the first arc.

I don't usually do this, but here is an example of what I meant. It is how I would write the opening, though feel free to disregard it as it is just my own approach.

Spoiler

Collin felt the cool? warm? (Good to add sensory here) wind against his face as he guided the motorbike through the unfamiliar streets. Even after a week, the neighborhood looked like somewhere he was only visiting. It was his parents’ hometown, but he couldn't remember much.

His thoughts kept returning to Ezra and Inaya, to their pale faces, to the beeping heart monitors, and to the endless white walls where doctors failed to explain what had happened to his older siblings.

Collin accidentally twisted throttle too hard, pushing past the speed limit, before quickly easing off. He drew a deep breath and scanned the passing houses. In just a few days he’d start at William Graves High, which might as well have been called Graveyard High, given how the area looked like a horror-movie set.

He should have been at the hospital right now. His parents wouldn’t allow it. Maybe they wanted to protect him, but at seventeen he wasn’t a little kid anymore. Their focus should have been on Ezra and Inaya, not on whether he still had a shot at that sports scholarship. One benching in the final game didn't matter next to… everything else.

He pulled into the driveway of the rental house. For awhile, he only sat there, then smoothed his expression. The last thing his dad needed was another person to worry about.

 

[Cookiez_N_Potionz]

Yes, feel free to send your synopsis here.



As for this, you misunderstood me. And the readers. One problem I notice is many writers don't trust their readers. They either tell too much or are so afraid to that they fail to convey anything at all. You can weave his fear and grief in subtly, and readers will feel it, experience it, rather than being told through a single phrase like, “Collin said with sadness.”

In fact, you could frame their unexpected illness as the central mystery of the first arc.

I don't usually do this, but here is an example of what I meant. It is how I would write the opening, though feel free to disregard it as it is just my own approach.

Spoiler

Collin felt the cool? warm? (Good to add sensory here) wind against his face as he guided the motorbike through the unfamiliar streets. Even after a week, the neighborhood looked like somewhere he was only visiting. It was his parents’ hometown, but he couldn't remember much.

His thoughts kept returning to Ezra and Inaya, to their pale faces, to the beeping heart monitors, and to the endless white walls where doctors failed to explain what had happened to his older siblings.

Collin accidentally twisted throttle too hard, pushing past the speed limit, before quickly easing off. He drew a deep breath and scanned the passing houses. In just a few days he’d start at William Graves High, which might as well have been called Graveyard High, given how the area looked like a horror-movie set.

He should have been at the hospital right now. His parents wouldn’t allow it. Maybe they wanted to protect him, but at seventeen he wasn’t a little kid anymore. Their focus should have been on Ezra and Inaya, not on whether he still had a shot at that sports scholarship. One benching in the final game didn't matter next to… everything else.

He pulled into the driveway of the rental house. For awhile, he only sat there, then smoothed his expression. The last thing his dad needed was another person to worry about.

Wow, your really amazing at this!
I still have a lot to learn. You have an excellent writing structure and I'm kinda jealous. This whole rewrite hooked me more than my original writing, you seriously are a talented genius.

 

[Cookiez_N_Potionz]

Yes, feel free to send your synopsis here.



As for this, you misunderstood me. And the readers. One problem I notice is many writers don't trust their readers. They either tell too much or are so afraid to that they fail to convey anything at all. You can weave his fear and grief in subtly, and readers will feel it, experience it, rather than being told through a single phrase like, “Collin said with sadness.”

In fact, you could frame their unexpected illness as the central mystery of the first arc.

I don't usually do this, but here is an example of what I meant. It is how I would write the opening, though feel free to disregard it as it is just my own approach.

Spoiler

Collin felt the cool? warm? (Good to add sensory here) wind against his face as he guided the motorbike through the unfamiliar streets. Even after a week, the neighborhood looked like somewhere he was only visiting. It was his parents’ hometown, but he couldn't remember much.

His thoughts kept returning to Ezra and Inaya, to their pale faces, to the beeping heart monitors, and to the endless white walls where doctors failed to explain what had happened to his older siblings.

Collin accidentally twisted throttle too hard, pushing past the speed limit, before quickly easing off. He drew a deep breath and scanned the passing houses. In just a few days he’d start at William Graves High, which might as well have been called Graveyard High, given how the area looked like a horror-movie set.

He should have been at the hospital right now. His parents wouldn’t allow it. Maybe they wanted to protect him, but at seventeen he wasn’t a little kid anymore. Their focus should have been on Ezra and Inaya, not on whether he still had a shot at that sports scholarship. One benching in the final game didn't matter next to… everything else.

He pulled into the driveway of the rental house. For awhile, he only sat there, then smoothed his expression. The last thing his dad needed was another person to worry about.

"Freedom. Peace. Hope."


It's 1979 and society has advanced thanks to the urban dungeons that sprouted throughout America. Inside these mazes are magical artifacts and treasures guarded by mythical monsters. To collect these spoils of war Guilds were established by the Radical Guilds Association.

23 year-old, Sage Cartwright is a white-passing teacher at an integrated Middle School in Chicago. As a member of high society she is expected to complete her social season as a debutante and find a husband. But all she wants is freedom from the expectations of society.

21 year-old, Joss Adesina and 11 year-old Elijah Adesina are African-American Magesmiths from Louisiana. Magesmiths are people with unique magic systems. For many years, Ninjutsu has been bound to their bloodline. Joss just wants to protect the people she cares about and live her life in peace. Elijah is a believer of folktales and hopes to visit the 8th Wonder Of The World someday.

After traveling across the USA, the sister and brother explore the dungeons of Chicago for a chance to claim the elusive Stone Key that is linked to the 8th Wonder Of The World. But a sinister calamity known as Valhallen threatens to rewrite history in blood and ash.

 

[Makimaam]

I'll settle for just my blurb (synopsis?).....

Five years ago, something unimaginably horrific happened to a sweet and innocent 14 year old girl. In many ways, what followed for the next four years was even worse. When she finally escaped, she naturally thought she had left the nightmare behind. It didn't take her long to discover the tragic truth. That no matter how hard you try or how far you go, you can't run and hide from yourself. She learned the sad reality of it all, that monsters are very real and life can become a living hell through no fault of your own.

Over practically the same time period but on the other end of the country, a young man went away and was taught to slay monsters. What was more was that he seemed to be good at it. But he quickly learned his own truth. There's no such thing as heroes and it takes its toll on you. And that's mind, body and spirit. He would tell anyone wise enough to listen, to be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. He escaped and found his way back to his roots. He thought that finally he was now content with what he once ran away from.

The victim finally scratched out some kind of new life for herself and found that one true friend she had always wished for. The reluctant slayer of real life dragons slowly figured out what the victim already knew all too well. Terrible things don't go away on their own, and many horrible things in real life? When left alone, things tend to go from bad to worse.

The victim already lived two very different lives and is desperately trying to make her third one work. Her friend is on her second life and has no idea she's about to have a third one come along as well. Seemingly the only person who can or will even try to set things right? Decides that maybe, just maybe, he has one more in him.

A victim who wants to forget, a not-a-hero who wants to remember, and her best friend who finds out she doesn't really know either one of them, not even herself. Nothing is as it seems, and real life can go from dream to nightmare in a flash. Flip a coin which one you get, and strap yourself in… because you can't wake up from either one.

If you want to stop a monster, you need to send your own monsters after them. Heroes and monsters have one thing in common. They aren't born, they have to be made. Nothing and no one is going to come out of this intact and unscathed.

The scariest monsters? Are simply all too real.

A three novel exploration of all the traditional American values:

Sex, rape, greed, power, corruption.
Love, betrayal, loyalty, friendship.
Murder, insanity, death.
Justice, revenge.
Survival.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Written as a trilogy, in true first person.

First of all, it is too long for a synopsis. I would trim about 60% if I were you, because by paragraph two, my mind had already wandered, thinking about what to have for dinner.

Let’s get to the core idea itself, rambling aside.

The elements that might interest readers, such as the dragon slayer, need to appear much sooner. What is your MC name? Why do you keep referring to her as “the victim”? Name your main characters.

Despite all the overly dramatized quotes about heroes and monsters, I have no clue what this story is about. We get it. It’s dark. It’s philosophical. But what the hell is it about? Where is the hook?

There isn’t one.

You need to be more coherent, cut the rambling, and tell us why we should read your novel.

The list of American values you added at the end grated on me. Seeing the word “rape” already tells me I would not read this, though that is just personal preference.

 

[Makimaam]

Hi! I’m very interested in your approach to feedback and would appreciate your perspective on where the story loses you, if it does. Thank you. https://www.scribblehub.com/series/2105651/legendary-arthur-streaming-across-the-realms/

Skipped.

O magnifique one. Wouldst though grace this mere mortal with some of your wisdom.

Creature Feature

Be careful what you wish for, for you might just get it. Now that Av Sine has got his thoughtless wish granted and has been reborn as the seed of a cosmic horror, he finds himself not quite able to stomach what his new instincts are urging him to do....

www.scribblehub.com

The synopsis is solid. It has a plot and a hook. But pairing a male protagonist with a Girls’ Love tag is… well, cheeky of you.

Prologue:

His demand echoed into the void, leaving a pregnant silence in its wake.

Nice choice of words. Overall, the prologue is readable and echoes the promise of the synopsis. No complaints.

Chapter 1:

What a ride. The prose is gross, and filthy, but yes, filthily excellent. It is visceral and disturbing in the best way, though it can be dense in places and might be challenging for some readers. Still, it works well as it is.

But let’s talk about the character.

You’ve done something incredible by making an inhuman protagonist likeable even as he goes on a hunger-fueled rampage. We constantly see his humanity struggling against the primal hunger that is his new prison: an eldritch, powerful cosmic horror.

The economy of his transformation is nice world-building, making this story feel believable. Power comes at a cost, and only then does power feel real. You didn’t preach, you showed.

However, the consuming rampage scene, while serving a purpose, ran just a bit too long for my poor attention span to maintain interest. I found myself less focused and began to skim toward the end.

Thankfully, the ending delivers a strong hook, a twist, in my eyes: a monster risking himself to revive a princess, a stranger, a corpse. Now, isn’t that romantic? That was when the story stopped being some edgy isekai horror and became something else.

The story contains heavy elements of gore and sexual violence, but you don’t glorify them. They are necessary for this narrative. However, I would prefer the story to linger less on the corpse desecration than it currently does, as it verges on being uncomfortable.

Five stars.

 

[HellsPerfectSpawn]

Skipped.



The synopsis is solid. It has a plot and a hook. But pairing a male protagonist with a Girls’ Love tag is… well, cheeky of you.

Prologue:



Nice choice of words. Overall, the prologue is readable and echoes the promise of the synopsis. No complaints.

Chapter 1:

What a ride. The prose is gross, and filthy, but yes, filthily excellent. It is visceral and disturbing in the best way, though it can be dense in places and might be challenging for some readers. Still, it works well as it is.

But let’s talk about the character.

You’ve done something incredible by making an inhuman protagonist likeable even as he goes on a hunger-fueled rampage. We constantly see his humanity struggling against the primal hunger that is his new prison: an eldritch, powerful cosmic horror.

The economy of his transformation is nice world-building, making this story feel believable. Power comes at a cost, and only then does power feel real. You didn’t preach, you showed.

However, the consuming rampage scene, while serving a purpose, ran just a bit too long for my poor attention span to maintain interest. I found myself less focused and began to skim toward the end.

Thankfully, the ending delivers a strong hook, a twist, in my eyes: a monster risking himself to revive a princess, a stranger, a corpse. Now, isn’t that romantic? That was when the story stopped being some edgy isekai horror and became something else.

The story contains heavy elements of gore and sexual violence, but you don’t glorify them. They are necessary for this narrative. However, I would prefer the story to linger less on the corpse desecration than it currently does, as it verges on being uncomfortable.

Five stars.

Cheers. Thank you for the kind words. And yes both tags are correct.

 

[Makimaam]

I'll give it a shot. I'll only cry a few days if the review is rough. No big deal, right?

The Peach of Petalik | Scribble Hub

Synopsis:
First impression: it’s a chonk of text. Trim please, and aggressively.

She lives in Petalik, a small orchard town within Paddlewick, a rigid, rule-obsessed, patriarchal kingdom powered by magic-tech and enforced tradition. Here, women are measured by obedience, marriage prospects, and flawless social performance. Mirabelle, who struggles with cues, sarcasm, and expectation, does not fit neatly into any of it.

Too long and it echoes the first paragraph. This can be trimmed to 1 or 2 sentences.

But they know the world still insists on testing her anyway.

Unoriginal. Need to go.

The next few paragraphs are author’s notes. I would use a clearer separator so readers can choose to skim or read. As it stands, the chonk is intimidating.

Would I read it based on the synopsis alone? No, I would not, due to personal preference. The plot is something I have seen before. Give me a stronger hook rather than “She is not like the other girl, she will face the world and kindness prevails.”

You mentioned humor. The synopsis itself reads like a slow-burn SOL. If humor is part of it, have that alluded to early on.

Chapter 1:

You have quickly established Mirabelle in the first few paragraphs. It’s great, and she’s likeable.

unaware of thesadness curling around her parents like pipe smoke.

This sentence doesn’t make much sense btw.

The implication hung in the air like orchard mist.

Unoriginal. Should chop.

So far, up to this point, it was good, but Mirabelle fades into the background. She is likeable, but we are told she is likeable, not shown. Your MC is reactive, which is fine, it is her personality, but at least let her show us that, rather than having the supporting cast document her quirks.
Show me how her quirks draw people together, instead of introducing a perfect man who narrates her like an author narrating their own character

Her dialogue is sparse and I began to feel more disconnected from Mirabelle.

”She speaks in colors. And sometimes forgets the right words. But when she smiles... I feel like I’m being asked to remember something important. Something deep and kind.”

Again, Mirabelle is described by another character. This line may be confusing for readers without neurodivergent knowledge, and for Carver to know it so effortlessly feels a bit too convenient, almost too perfect for a character. It reads more like the author is telling the reader something than the character discovering it naturally.

The next few paragraphs have the same issue: there is minimal perspective from Mirabelle herself, with supporting characters summarizing her instead. How are we meant to feel connected to her when she functions more as a summary than as a character?

Overall, it is decent and atmospheric. But the prose at times is unoriginal and I’m sure you know what I mean. There is a difference between a passive protagonist who filters the world through her own lens and a plot device that merely helps pull other characters together. You need to change the story lens and zoom in on this unique girl.

You tell us she is unique. Show us instead.

Overall, it is a soft, cozy and tender piece. It might not yet hit the right genre to immediately grab readers’ attention, but it is still a decent work that, with improvements, could feature distinct and lovable characters. Having gone through most of Chapter 1, it only reaffirms my impression that the synopsis needs heavy editing to capture the unique flavor of this opening chapter, rather than relying on abstract metaphors and unoriginal phrasings throughout the description.

 

[Makimaam]

nice

Lonely King

This is the story of someone who becomes powerful by enduring the greatest pain a human can possibly bear.

Lonely King

Starting on August 25, 2026, people across the world begin to vanish without explanation. Those who disappear awaken in an unknown place called the Tower, where they are forced to climb 80 floor order to survive. There is no return, and failure means death. Among them is a young man named...

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You know, when I first read the synopsis, I was torn. Why? Because the premise, while done to death, still has market appeal.

But.

A big but.

You promised your character would fight alone. Which means I expect his personality alone to make up for the presumably small cast.

So I read. And I read and I read. Up to Chapter 4, yes. But I’ll be honest, I basically skimmed halfway through Chapter 1. I was intrigued by the premise you promised but failed to deliver. Yes, it’s only four chapters in, too early to judge. But I gave it too many chapters’ worth of opportunity before deciding to drop it completely.

Why? Because it’s goblin fight after goblin fight after goblin fight. The fights themselves are boring to read. Even when I’m playing an RPG, those are the fights I’d rather let autoplay, let alone read about over and over again.

And the MC has the personality of stale bread.

Yes, he was reluctant to kill. Yes, there are humanizing moments. But he reads like every boring shounen MC. In those stories, though, there’s a large, colorful cast that makes up for it.

Here, he wakes up in a new world and just… fights goblins for 4 chapters. You would expect at least some detail about missing home. Missing loved ones. But no, you’ve made a build-your-own avatar stuck in a dull tower game, rather than a protagonist compelling enough to make readers tolerate the repetitive, boring fights for the sake of his eventual tragedy.

The prose is… well, no further comment, except that it feels mechanical.

So does the character.

 

[Nolff]

You know, when I first read the synopsis, I was torn. Why? Because the premise, while done to death, still has market appeal.

But.

A big but.

You promised your character would fight alone. Which means I expect his personality alone to make up for the presumably small cast.

So I read. And I read and I read. Up to Chapter 4, yes. But I’ll be honest, I basically skimmed halfway through Chapter 1. I was intrigued by the premise you promised but failed to deliver. Yes, it’s only four chapters in, too early to judge. But I gave it too many chapters’ worth of opportunity before deciding to drop it completely.

Why? Because it’s goblin fight after goblin fight after goblin fight. The fights themselves are boring to read. Even when I’m playing an RPG, those are the fights I’d rather let autoplay, let alone read about over and over again.

And the MC has the personality of stale bread.

Yes, he was reluctant to kill. Yes, there are humanizing moments. But he reads like every boring shounen MC. In those stories, though, there’s a large, colorful cast that makes up for it.

Here, he wakes up in a new world and just… fights goblins for 4 chapters. You would expect at least some detail about missing home. Missing loved ones. But no, you’ve made a build-your-own avatar stuck in a dull tower game, rather than a protagonist compelling enough to make readers tolerate the repetitive, boring fights for the sake of his eventual tragedy.

The prose is… well, no further comment, except that it feels mechanical.

So does the character.

Yo, bro, you still up for a read?

Can I ask for a favor?

If you're not tired, that is.

I just need a low attention-span reader to read my synopsis and the first chapter. If it hooks you, I take that as a win. If not, then I know some little fix would fix it.

The novel is the right one on my signature. Feel free to read it whenever you're good to go.

 

[Makimaam]

Yo, bro, you still up for a read?

Can I ask for a favor?

If you're not tired, that is.

I just need a low attention-span reader to read my synopsis and the first chapter. If it hooks you, I take that as a win. If not, then I know some little fix would fix it.

The novel is the right one on my signature. Feel free to read it whenever you're good to go.

Another masochist. Link or no review. I’m always on mobile.