first time writing a novel and i want opinions

[notw]

i am making an isekai novel that i believe to be original, long story short is the MC's city gets invaded by another world that can use magic and he manages to escape through their gate. of course he cannot use magic so he has to use everything at his disposal to survive, from his modern equipment and knowledge, learning their language and, eventually learning alchemy. oh by the way he is a petty anti-hero that seeks redemption.
(if you want a quick glimpse of what he has done you can check chapter 10 titled JUDGE, JURY, EXECUTIONER)

no plot armor, no cheats no harem, and the whole world hates him for being a cripple (someone who can't use magic)
the theme is dark, comedy and hope core

Pursuing Redemption in Another World (PRAW)

after a tragic incident that happened in his childhood he grew up resenting everyone and resorted to inflicting pain on everyone, whether they were innocent or not, and after years he tries to change his ways but is struggling to forgive himself. fast forward on new years eve while hanging...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SouthernMaiden]

I used to work in an office just off Times Square. Honestly, pretty accurate description. So I commend you for that

Also please add chapter labeling like this: "Chapter 1 - ____|Chapter 2 - ____". Makes it easier to track.

Edit: read the first chapter, Pretty fun, I like that its in NYC because I love that city

 

[K_Nishi]

It is certainly rough and sometimes hard to read, but I really like how the protagonist is clearly not standing on the “good” side, yet still shows sharp and accurate situational awareness.
His dry, minimal affection toward his girlfriend feels very intentional.

The sudden invasion of New York, combined with the existence of an extremely dangerous state like Herathia, creates a strong and unsettling backdrop.
Overall, I’m very drawn to the raw, aggressive energy of the writing. It feels like the text is actively throwing its hostility at the reader, and I mean that in a good way.

 

[notw]

It is certainly rough and sometimes hard to read, but I really like how the protagonist is clearly not standing on the “good” side, yet still shows sharp and accurate situational awareness.
His dry, minimal affection toward his girlfriend feels very intentional.

The sudden invasion of New York, combined with the existence of an extremely dangerous state like Herathia, creates a strong and unsettling backdrop.
Overall, I’m very drawn to the raw, aggressive energy of the writing. It feels like the text is actively throwing its hostility at the reader, and I mean that in a good way.

thank you a lot for the input! i try to make the readers feel the situation as best as i can. regarding the writing it was my first time writing anything in English outside of university, so i make will sure to revise and edit the previous chapters when i am done with the canes horos arc <3

I used to work in an office just off Times Square. Honestly, pretty accurate description. So I commend you for that

Also please add chapter labeling like this: "Chapter 1 - ____|Chapter 2 - ____". Makes it easier to track.

Edit: read the first chapter, Pretty fun, I like that its in NYC because I love that city

thanks a lot for reading my story, i will do a revision when i am done with the current arc regarding the chapters and the writing <3

 

[OtherSlater]

i am making an isekai novel that i believe to be original, long story short is the MC's city gets invaded by another world that can use magic and he manages to escape through their gate. of course he cannot use magic so he has to use everything at his disposal to survive, from his modern equipment and knowledge, learning their language and, eventually learning alchemy. oh by the way he is a petty anti-hero that seeks redemption.
(if you want a quick glimpse of what he has done you can check chapter 10 titled JUDGE, JURY, EXECUTIONER)

no plot armor, no cheats no harem, and the whole world hates him for being a cripple (someone who can't use magic)
the theme is dark, comedy and hope core

Pursuing Redemption in Another World (PRAW)

after a tragic incident that happened in his childhood he grew up resenting everyone and resorted to inflicting pain on everyone, whether they were innocent or not, and after years he tries to change his ways but is struggling to forgive himself. fast forward on new years eve while hanging...

www.scribblehub.com

I like the idea for sure. Thank god it's not a weeb-ish story, it's where you know best. I like that.

Your technicals need some work, and that's most important. Capitalize all your I's capitalize all names, end all sentences with a period, etc.
The script format isn't my favorite. It kinda takes away from the emotion and potential personality the characters might have. "Angelica exclaimed, said with shock" stuff like that.

You got potential! Keep it up!

 

[FRWriter]

My suggestion is to download Grammarly. However, huge props that you didn't go down the clanker route.
Apart from that, I can only say it's not my genre, but what I read looks creative and certainly not like a carbon copy following the established formulas.

 

[notw]

I like the idea for sure. Thank god it's not a weeb-ish story, it's where you know best. I like that.

Your technicals need some work, and that's most important. Capitalize all your I's capitalize all names, end all sentences with a period, etc.
The script format isn't my favorite. It kinda takes away from the emotion and potential personality the characters might have. "Angelica exclaimed, said with shock" stuff like that.

You got potential! Keep it up!

thanks a lot your points really helped me out i will do a whole revision regarding the earlier chapters soon! i will make them similar to the new ones

My suggestion is to download Grammarly. However, huge props that you didn't go down the clanker route.
Apart from that, I can only say it's not my genre, but what I read looks creative and certainly not like a carbon copy following the established formulas.

that is actually my whole point im happy you saw it that way. thank you for taking sometime to read it and giving me your honest opinion <3