Writing a Crash-out (Thoughts?)

[MakBow]

This entire section is in an unpublished chapter, but I want your thoughts on it.
As the title said, this is basically my MC crashing out at these guys for pointless betrayal.
(My MC also prevents himself form cursing, so this is him dropping that)
Just ignore the Limit Break, that's for how the leveling up works. Doesn't work without context.
(Extra Context: They tried to kill him. I don't want him to seem like such an escalator)

Section:
Those…damn…immature bastards.
[Kill them!]
“...”
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
[Kill them!]
The same message continued to pop up, surrounding him as his vision became red, furious with anger and a desire for blood fogging his mind.
The messages only got bigger in size, louder, more direct, like emotion spilled onto him, hatred that would lift him like an avatar of vengeance.
Ethan's finger twitched as he stood up, walking slowly on his two feet. His expression darkened under a shadow of anger, his yellow aura radiating from his body, and acting malicious towards the others.
“Jacob, you didn’t hold back, did you?”
“Sorry, boss, I must have held back unintentionally,” Jacob said as a cold sweat ran down his face.
The truth was, he didn’t hold back at all. He put all his power into that, yet Ethan still stood.
“I’ve had enough of you. Talking about betraying and killing me. Nothing more than a bunch of paranoid hypocrites that believe their own bullshit…” As he spoke, his tone was noticeably deeper, more threatening than ever before. Even Bennett was startled, paralyzed in fear as he felt Ethan's aura radiate from his body, like gravity itself had weighed him down. “Since you want to betray me, then this time I betray you and kill you all.”
They all looked at Ethan in silence before laughing.
“Hahahahaha, what are you talking about?”
“Is this guy serious? Okay, Mr. Edgy.”
“This E Rank seriously believes he can kill us? What a joke.”
They all mocked him, all except Dung; he glared intently at him.
One of the hunters with his axe walked over to Ethan, resting his arm over his neck.
“Okay, buddy, let's get one thing straight. I am a D Rank; they are all D Ranks; you are an E Rank. Listen to yourself. ‘I betray you and kill you all’? Come on, buddy, don’t make this—, huh?”
As he spoke, Ethan rested his own arm over the guy, placing his other hand on his head.
Equipping his [Mana Dagger], without wasting a moment, he cleanly cut through his neck, blood splattering onto his face, and he pulled the head from between the shoulders, dropping the head to the ground while the body fell limp.
Everyone witnessing this gawked in utter shock as they witnessed an impossible feat. An E Rank killing a D Rank hunter.
“What the hell? How did he kill a D Rank!?”
“That shouldn’t be possible!”
“Guys, relax, that idiot got caught off guard, that’s all.” Jacob said, trying to reassure his friends.
Ethan didn’t look up, not even looking at the body, but the blood as it spilled from the corpse, seeing his own reflection.
[Limit Break Achieved!]
[Level Up]
[Level: 30]
[Rank Up]
[Rank: D]

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Interesting. If not too late, I would advise against using the name "Ethan" (or, for that matter Adriana, Ariana, Peter Chen or one other that I'm blanking on at the moment) as these are favorite "fallback" names for AI to use and you might be accused of writing AI slop or even tagged, incorrectly or not, as using AI just for that as an MC name (I'm hearing one I thought I was being distinctive with has also been proliferating in AI stories - Dane - but have no verification on this, just my wife claiming it is so).

 

[MakBow]

Interesting. If not too late, I would advise against using the name "Ethan" (or, for that matter Adriana, Ariana, Peter Chen or one other that I'm blanking on at the moment) as these are favorite "fallback" names for AI to use and you might be accused of writing AI slop or even tagged, incorrectly or not, as using AI just for that as an MC name (I'm hearing one I thought I was being distinctive with has also been proliferating in AI stories - Dane - but have no verification on this, just my wife claiming it is so).

I mean the name's already established. It's been 8 chapters already.
I mean he does have a last name being Ethan Gaming if that helps.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Well, that last name sounds unique (usually get Smith, Clarke or another C-based last name via AI), so that's a point in your favor.

 

[MakBow]

Well, that last name sounds unique (usually get Smith, Clarke or another C-based last name via AI), so that's a point in your favor.

I mean, it's from an old novel I made. Level Up – To Break All Limits I Have | Scribble Hub is just a revamped version of the old Level Up on Royal Road, so I didn't bother changing to MC name.
(Shameless plug for you to go read it )

 

[Tetrahedron]

Interesting. If not too late, I would advise against using the name "Ethan" (or, for that matter Adriana, Ariana, Peter Chen or one other that I'm blanking on at the moment) as these are favorite "fallback" names for AI to use and you might be accused of writing AI slop or even tagged, incorrectly or not, as using AI just for that as an MC name (I'm hearing one I thought I was being distinctive with has also been proliferating in AI stories - Dane - but have no verification on this, just my wife claiming it is so).

I still remember that names for an AI to use is Alaric for male and... I don't remember for the female one, though this was strictly fantasy ish. And I saw that when I asked some examples in ChatGPT a few years back

 

[CinnaSloth]

Interesting. If not too late, I would advise against using the name "Ethan"

Ethan Winters was the first name I thought of. lol

 

[Agecaf]

Ah, some constructive feedback, I'd say the dialogue doesn't feel like a crash out to me. The following two lines in particular feel a bit too rational and reasonable for someone having a crash out, especially if they've just been betrayed.

"I’ve had enough of you. Talking about betraying and killing me. Nothing more than a bunch of paranoid hypocrites that believe their own bullshit…”

"Since you want to betray me, then this time I betray you and kill you all."

A few examples of what might feel more like a crash out to me.

"You want to betray me? Fine. Then, I'll kill you. I'll kill every single one of you!"

"No. I... won't go down without a fight. And I'll make sure... every single one of you dies, right where you're standing."

"Traitors! You... how dare you?! You're dead to me. I'll kill you. I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you all, I'll kill and kill and kill you all over and over again and again until you're dead, dead, dead, dead!"

 

[MakBow]

Ah, some constructive feedback, I'd say the dialogue doesn't feel like a crash out to me. The following two lines in particular feel a bit too rational and reasonable for someone having a crash out, especially if they've just been betrayed.

"I’ve had enough of you. Talking about betraying and killing me. Nothing more than a bunch of paranoid hypocrites that believe their own bullshit…”

"Since you want to betray me, then this time I betray you and kill you all."

A few examples of what might feel more like a crash out to me.

"You want to betray me? Fine. Then, I'll kill you. I'll kill every single one of you!"

"No. I... won't go down without a fight. And I'll make sure... every single one of you dies, right where you're standing."

"Traitors! You... how dare you?! You're dead to me. I'll kill you. I'll kill you, I'll kill you, I'll kill you all, I'll kill and kill and kill you all over and over again and again until you're dead, dead, dead, dead!"

While that I certainly true, it's not really the kind of crash out I was going for. The idea wasn't that he was acting childish trying to kill them all, but rather the idea of a calm crash out.

As I believe not all crash outs need to be so wild as I believe some can be much calmer which I was going for, which is done through small actions he does.

He drops the curse barrier, cursing when he normally stops himself, he actually smiles when killing, something that makes him feel unhinged, his aura acting malicious, and he starts yelling at the person near the end of the fight when dealing with the final person, yelling about accountability.

And most important, it doesn't fit Ethan's character to do that as it would go against one of his only remaining things he wants to keep to himself despite the crash out, as acting like that would make him feel worse or just like his father (Not a good person)

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Unfortunately, I had to pull the story, but I had a "calm crash out" in Between Worlds - when monsters attack a meeting, and he realizes his girlfriend is about to become one, the MC uses a supernatural electromagnet to pull the poison that's transforming her out - but he goes a bit too far and affects everyone in the area, almost killing himself (and ticking off the god who made the monsters in the first place) in the process. Almost a day later he finds out exactly what he did, and the repercussions haunt him for the rest of the book...