Looking for Feedback on My Prologue

[TSAAP]

I have written eleven chapters of my assassin novel so far, and I decided to add a prologue. The goal is to establish the tone, showcase the main character’s capabilities, and set clear expectations for what kind of story this is.

---

PROLOGUE - The Wolf at the Door

[Perspective: Lord Faraz]

The young girl was strikingly beautiful, and her scent was equally enchanting.

"Please!" she implored, tears streaming down her face as she gazed at me in desperation. "Don’t do this..."

Her trembling only intensified when she saw my smile, becoming ever more enticing as I unclasped my heavy brocade cloak. It slipped from my shoulders, forming a luxurious pool of velvet on the floor illuminated by the firelight.

"Come now," I coaxed, my voice gentle as if soothing a frightened animal. "Don't be difficult. You'll enjoy it."

Why wouldn't she? I was a Lord, and she a maid. In time, she would realize that my favor was the greatest advantage she could attain in life.

"PLEASE! SOMEBODY HELP—"

"Remember where you are; this is my keep," I warned, savoring the despair that clouded her eyes as the harsh truth settled in. "Nobody is coming—"

BOOM.

The sound was cataclysmic, more than just noise—it was a physical jolt. The entire fortress quaked violently, expelling the air from my lungs. Dust cascaded from the stone ceiling, covering the expensive silk sheets with a grey layer.

"What in the hells?"

For a fleeting moment, I was immobilized, transfixed by the sight above as cracks spread across the ceiling like a spider's web. I wasn't paralyzed by fear but by sheer bewilderment. Who would dare disrupt me? Was it an earthquake?

Then came the shouting. But it wasn't the boisterous revelry of my men; these were screams—brief, terrified, and then... silence.

Annoyed, I strode to the window and flung open the shutters.

The air reeked of iron.

In the courtyard, a man locked eyes with me. He stood motionless amid the carnage. His sword was not the only thing dripping with crimson; the ground was saturated with it. My men—my elite guards—were strewn about like shattered dolls, their armor sliced through as if it were mere parchment.

I blinked, trying to comprehend the devastation before me, then looked back at the man.

He offered no shouts, no boasts. He merely stepped over a corpse and began to make his way toward the entrance of my keep.

"Who the hell is that..."

I didn’t linger for an explanation; his gaze conveyed all I needed to know. I ignored the maid cowering in the corner; even my attire was insignificant at that moment.

I turned and bolted from the room, bursting into the corridor.

All around me, the fortress cried out.

From the East.

From the West.

From the South.

From the North.

The dying screams of my men resonated from every direction, creating a bewildering cacophony of slaughter. I had no sense of direction, only the urgency to flee.

And then, abruptly, I heard it.

Scrape.

Scrape.

The grating noise of a heavy blade being dragged across the stone floor compelled me to glance over my shoulder. My heart nearly leaped from my chest as I saw the intruder in my keep, advancing at a leisurely pace, his eyes devoid of emotion.

Panic gripped my legs. I turned away and dashed into the nearest room, slamming the door behind me.

Without pausing for breath, I sprang into action. Books, shelves, tables—I dragged anything within reach to barricade the door. The value of the heirlooms I destroyed was inconsequential; I knew that letting that beast into this room would seal my fate.

Once the pile was high enough to offer a fleeting sense of solace, I took several stumbling steps backward, scanning the room frantically.

"There must be an exit... Think, Faraz, think!"

My mind raced back to the blueprints of the building. Though those fools hadn't installed an escape route in every room yet, my luck couldn’t be that bad. Surely this room must have a hidden passage, a servant's tunnel, something—

My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by an unfamiliar sensation.

A burning cold erupted in my stomach.

When my gaze met the source, my eyes widened. Steel protruded from my gut, covered in... my own blood?

My vision blurred with each passing second. I struggled to comprehend what exactly had just happened, but one thing was certain: the ominous presence of someone standing behind me.

My heart hammered against my ribs as I slowly turned my head. The monster had somehow made his way into my room. The barricade was untouched. The windows were closed.

"Ho-how can this... be?" I struggled to speak, blood bubbling past my lips as I felt the painful slide of the blade leaving my back.

My knees hit the floor. The sound of my ragged breathing mingled with the heavy thud of boots as he stepped around to loom over me.

"Why?" I gasped.

He remained silent, looking through me as though I did not even exist.

"I—"

His arm moved so swiftly that it became a blur. I scarcely noticed the flash of steel slicing through the air before a quick, sharp pain seared across my neck.

Suddenly, the room tipped to one side, and darkness claimed me.

---

[Perspective: Raikynn]

When his head rolled to my feet, I didn't pick it up immediately. Instead, I wiped the blood from my blade with a cloth, savoring the quiet of the night as it finally reclaimed the forest surrounding the fortress. Only after sheathing my blade did I reach into my pouch to retrieve a small, empty messenger scroll. With a focused thought, I infused a spark of mana into the paper.

Target eliminated.

I released the scroll. It disintegrated into ash before reaching the ground, its message already delivered to the client by the wind. Only then did I pick up the severed head of Lord Faraz and place it into a heavy sack. Without a backward glance, I left the room, stepping through the shadows and reemerging outside the now silent chamber.

As I navigated the chaos I had wrought, making my way through the fortress gates, my attention was suddenly drawn to the treeline.

Thwack.

An arrow struck the dirt path just inches from where my next step would have landed. I didn't look for the archer; the arrow's shaft revealed everything. It wasn't an attack; it was a message. Attached to the black fletching was a small scroll, sealed with purple wax.

What revealed its origins was the sigil. A serpent devouring its own tail.

The Assassin's Guild.

I pulled the arrow free and broke the seal. There were no words, only a time, a location, and the Guildmaster's signature.

 

[Eldoria]

A short and honest comment, I can't really imagine what your prologue scene is talking about. A monster attack? Why should I care about a monster attack? The hook isn't compelling.

Before getting into the action... you should build a concise atmosphere that describes or explains the situation and setting of the story, along with its tension.

Then, the action should build conflict, not just shock value... what conflict do you want to narrate in your prologue? It would be better if the conflict became the premise of the story that will be tested throughout the series.

Don't write an empty prologue (which readers can skip and doesn't affect the plot going forward); write a prologue that serves as a gateway for readers to your narrative.

Critical note: I only skimmed through it, so my comments may be biased.

Good Luck.

 

[TSAAP]

A short and honest comment, I can't really imagine what your prologue scene is talking about. A monster attack? Why should I care about a monster attack? The hook isn't compelling.

Before getting into the action... you should build a concise atmosphere that describes or explains the situation and setting of the story, along with its tension.

Then, the action should build conflict, not just shock value... what conflict do you want to narrate in your prologue? It would be better if the conflict became the premise of the story that will be tested throughout the series.

Don't write an empty prologue (which readers can skip and doesn't affect the plot going forward); write a prologue that serves as a gateway for readers to your narrative.

Critical note: I only skimmed through it, so my comments may be biased.

Good Luck.

Thanks for taking the time to comment, I appreciate you looking at it even if only briefly.

I think there may have been a small disconnect due to skimming, so just to clarify intent: the “monster” in the prologue isn’t a creature or external threat. It’s entirely human. The POV is deliberately from the antagonist, and the lack of immediate context is intentional, the scene is meant to read as a force-of-nature intrusion from his perspective, before the narrative later reframes what actually occurred.

The prologue’s conflict isn’t “an attack” in isolation, but the thematic core of the story: power without empathy, inevitability versus choice, and violence as a tool of systems rather than individuals. That moment is directly tied to the Guild, the MC’s debt, and the moral contradictions that the series will continue to interrogate.

That said, your point about a prologue needing to clearly function as a gateway rather than just shock is fair, and I’m actively revisiting the opening chapters to better align tone and clarity with later arcs.

Thanks again for the feedback.

 

[IWILLDEFYTHEHEAVENS]

I believe a prologue should be short and very easy to get the whole point of the book, or perhaps a peek into what is written.

Genuine feedback, I lost interest in the first few paragraphs, because of the sharp shift in the tale.
First the maid, then the monster and then the perspective and then the message.
There were too many inclusions that I couldn't imagine what to expect from the story.

 

[TSAAP]

I believe a prologue should be short and very easy to get the whole point of the book, or perhaps a peek into what is written.

Genuine feedback, I lost interest in the first few paragraphs, because of the sharp shift in the tale.
First the maid, then the monster and then the perspective and then the message.
There were too many inclusions that I couldn't imagine what to expect from the story.

Thank you for your feedback. I now understand the source of the confusion.

The novel's title is The Strongest Assassin.

Without the context provided by the title or the synopsis, it is understandable that readers might initially think, "What is this plot about?"

To address this, I will consider adding one or two lines in the main character's point-of-view section to state his profession as an assassin more explicitly and directly.

 

[TSAAP]

I ran into an interesting dilemma because I received very different responses across platforms. On ScribbleHub, some readers felt disoriented by the prologue, while on Webnovel-oriented spaces the intent and structure were understood more quickly. This seems to be one of those platform differences, where cultivation-style stories often begin in medias res with chaotic or violent prologues, whereas other audiences prefer clearer framing up front.

As an author, that left me at a crossroads, so I made a few adjustments to meet in the middle without changing the core of the scene.

First, I added a clear POV header — [Perspective: Lord Faraz] — to signal immediately that the opening is from an antagonist’s point of view and that POV shifts will occur in the story.

Second, in the following section, I clarified terminology by changing “the guild” to “the Assassin’s Guild”, and explicitly naming the Guildmaster, so it’s clearer that the event was a contracted assassination and not a random or supernatural attack.

Hopefully these changes help anchor the scene more clearly for first-time readers. If you have any other specific suggestions, feel free to share them and I’ll do my best to consider them thoughtfully.

 

[Eldoria]

I ran into an interesting dilemma because I received very different responses across platforms. On ScribbleHub, some readers felt disoriented by the prologue, while on Webnovel-oriented spaces the intent and structure were understood more quickly. This seems to be one of those platform differences, where cultivation-style stories often begin in medias res with chaotic or violent prologues, whereas other audiences prefer clearer framing up front.

As an author, that left me at a crossroads, so I made a few adjustments to meet in the middle without changing the core of the scene.

First, I added a clear POV header — [Perspective: Lord Faraz] — to signal immediately that the opening is from an antagonist’s point of view and that POV shifts will occur in the story.

Second, in the following section, I clarified terminology by changing “the guild” to “the Assassin’s Guild”, and explicitly naming the Guildmaster, so it’s clearer that the event was a contracted assassination and not a random or supernatural attack.

Hopefully these changes help anchor the scene more clearly for first-time readers. If you have any other specific suggestions, feel free to share them and I’ll do my best to consider them thoughtfully.

Using multiple POVs with first-person POV will confuse readers, especially since this is just the prologue. SH readers tend to use third-person limited POV, so you should adapt as long as it doesn't conflict with your narrative style. Furthermore, transitions between POVs should be smoother and more fluid.