Complete Book 1 - Multicultural Fantasy Novella (35k Words)

[LandenGonzalez]

My world of Ihlok Vartul is a multicultural fantasy. That is to say, instead of JUST knights, bards, and cobblestone roads, my story has all that in addition to EVERYTHING else--- Fantasy Samurai, Roman Legions, Inca Empires, Catholic Knights, African Zulu Warriors, Islander Sailors, and all manner of mythological monster, spirit, and god!

I am hoping that I can find some readers on this thread who are willing to dig into and explore:

- Magic, Spirits, Demons, Gods, and Empires

- Complex Political Worlds & Social Classes

- Human Muddiness and Social Values

- Stories of Resistance and Powerlessness

- Hope vs. Despair, Community vs. Selfishness

I would love feedback on worldbuilding/lore, character and relationships, and pacing/intrigue/structure.

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BLURB:

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"In Ihlok Vartul, magic and spirits are as common as machines and animals. Of these, there is no worse demon than Shujaa Mkubwa and his Dying Sun Empire, who, in a quest to kill the creator god Mbombo, have turned their home continent into a hellish slave pit, forever mining deeper towards his buried home.

The story of The Blessed & The Basic (Book 1) is that of a humble family caught in the gears of the Dying Sun's machine. Faraji Ngubane, his cynical son Fortus, and their found family struggle every day to maintain their souls in the face of the unrelenting dehumanizing mine. It's a horrible balancing act, and the arrival of newcomer Merek Corbin is sure to upset it."

The full novella is available on my account!

More Info:

Theblessedandthebasic on Instagram and Tiktok

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I hope your work has less AI than the sales pitch post seems to or you won't get many readers. That feels very prompt-generated...

 

[LandenGonzalez]

I hope your work has less AI than the sales pitch post seems to or you won't get many readers. That feels very prompt-generated...

Were you born yesterday?? Get out of town, what??? I wrote that word for word, genius, why don't you read a single one of my sentences for yourself instead of running your mouth and see how wrong you are. Have one.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Were you born yesterday?? Get out of town, what??? I wrote that word for word, genius, why don't you read a single one of my sentences for yourself instead of running your mouth and see how wrong you are. Have one.

Sorry, but the structure looks EXACTLY like what AIs produce for sales pitch posts. Have seen dozens of them in the past few months. If you just copied the style but did it yourself, well, you copied the style very well.
Well, OK, AIs usually go on to add a "What to expect" list of BS after the bullet points, so at least you left that out.

 

[LandenGonzalez]

Sorry, but the structure looks EXACTLY like what AIs produce for sales pitch posts. Have seen dozens of them in the past few months. If you just copied the style but did it yourself, well, you copied the style very well.
Well, OK, AIs usually go on to add a "What to expect" list of BS after the bullet points, so at least you left that out.

Yeah well I'm not the Mr. AI guy, I don't track every development of the latest and greatest of what AI is up to and how it is being used. I know nothing about the AI-generated sales pitch posts you've seen in the past and I did not copy nor even take inspiration from them as you have just informed me of their existence. Today is literally my first day ever on all these sorts of beta-reader threads, you can check my posts on Reddit, Goodreads, etc. Same account name. It's not exactly rocket science to greet, describe the hook/appeal/gimmick of your work, Tell people what kinds of themes and topics the story covers/what's important for your feedback, and then provide a blurb of the book. I came up with it by trying to not break the rules in posting on my first subreddit, as they asked that you were clear about what your story is and what you are expecting from your readers.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Sorry, just have seen FAR too many like that (that probably "learned" the style by combing through sub-reddits themselves) lately.

 

[LandenGonzalez]

Sorry, just have seen FAR too many like that (that probably "learned" the style by combing through sub-reddits themselves) lately.

Yeah I get that, I hate AI too. As a super small author trying to get readers, "people" are constantly reaching out to me to pay for them to edit, or promote, or make art for, my book, art which, of course, would inevitably be made with AI and have nothing to do with my text at all. We're really in a spiral these days

 

[CharlesEBrown]

There are some legitimate freelance editors out there, but they will RARELY approach someone unsolicited (I briefly considered becoming one myself a few times). The artists ... unless they give you a sample first and it is both definitely not AI and at least a little related to your story ... are scammers 90% of the time, at least.

 

[Deleted member 266]

legitimate freelance editors out there, but they will RARELY approach someone unsolicited

Yeah, i think I have seen 2 since records began. They made a thread offering but I have never heard of editors approach people directly.

Coz isnt that like saying, "bro... you need to rewrite your book, coz what you got... that ain't working..."

 

[Xervenixity]

Insane coincidence but I also wrote a fantasy novella at 35k words (first draft, and mine is...mostly multicultural too lol.) Very cool!

 

[Hush25]

Yeah, i think I have seen 2 since records began. They made a thread offering but I have never heard of editors approach people directly.

Coz isnt that like saying, "bro... you need to rewrite your book, coz what you got... that ain't working..."

Freelance editor here. ?You're both right @CharlesEBrown and @Racosharko, I'd never approach people with unsolicited offers. Often people don't have the money, can do it themselves using an online tool or don't think editing is that important...or for other reasons. I'm also now hotly aware of how annoying and disheartening it is to have these 'offers'.

Every comment I've gotten on my work here and on Wattpad has been an unsolicited offer for 'character concept/design' despite the fact my profile clearly states I'm also a graphic artist.

And yes, given my experience and career background there are some novels I do want to say "perhaps you should give up writing and take up Any Other Job'. But if that person derives pleasure from it and doesn't care for success, whom am I to gainsay?

@LandenGonzalez perhaps make your request a little more appealing by working on your synopsis/blurb? An emphatic explanation of its multiculturalism and a laundry list of tropes and ideas isn't really describing your work - if you want to attract beta readers. This really does read like an ad for your novel with a side request for beta readers.

Also, a tip: be clear on what you'd like in terms of feedback from beta readers. Some will just go 'I liked it', which really isn't that helpful.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Also, a tip: be clear on what you'd like in terms of feedback from beta readers. Some will just go 'I liked it', which really isn't that helpful.

In my limited experience, you get eleven beta readers, you get two of each of these and one Other
1. "Sorry, only had time to read one or two chapters. Here's detailed feedback. Yeah, I know you're on CH30 and going to print next week. Sorry." (OK, that was me. Once...)
2. "Yeah, it was good. You should have no trouble getting it.... what? Detailed feedback? Give me another week or two..." (which seems to be the majoritymore
3. Line by line nit-picking that turns out to be "This is not the way I would have written it" not "this is a better way to do it"
4. "What? You sent me something? I don't... ah there... I have how long to read it? Yeah, not gonna happen, sorry..." (Been on both sides of this exactly once each).
5. "Yeah, sorry, life got in the way. Only read a chapter. It was pretty good. I remember there was a typo on the first page but blanking on it. Let me get back to you later OK?" (three DAYS later) - "Yeah, you used the wrong form of their. Also you misspelled your lead's name once. Yeah, that's all I've got, sorry" (Got that once on a collaborative project - where it is even more frustrating)

The Other will be one of the following, in what seems to be a 2:2:1 ratio
1. The Good Beta Reader. Likely a day off on every deadline but enough come the day before to be helpful,
2 The Apologia - an endless litany of excuses but no feedback ever (Sadly I was this way for one friend)
3. The Thief - person who tells you how bad your story is ... while copying it almost verbatim and posting it somewhere else as their own work.

 

[Hush25]

In my limited experience, you get eleven beta readers, you get two of each of these and one Other...

I'd like to add 'The Ghost' to this list. They express excitement and interest when they find out you have a story and immediately offer to beta read and are verbose and super excited, ready to give you helpful feedback. Story is sent and... it's like they were a fever dream you created. No feedback, no response to queries, nothing. But they're still alive and busy. (This was on Discord for me).

I like to think I'm the Good Beta Reader (though mine are more like critiques). But having glorified myself , I'll say that I'm not only an avid reader, I am a freelance editor irl and also participated in the RWA's critique partner scheme for many years, where I was constantly asked to mentor new writers (and therefore honed my skills at diplomacy as much as anything else). I have a long-time critique partner (also a writer) who is also a dear friend and won't hesitate to tell me when something is rubbish (nicely). I have found that the best responses are often from other authors. I see beta readers as non-writers who will hopefully give you feedback purely from a reader perspective. If you want serious advice, then a critique partner is always best.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I'd like to add 'The Ghost' to this list. They express excitement and interest when they find out you have a story and immediately offer to beta read and are verbose and super excited, ready to give you helpful feedback. Story is sent and... it's like they were a fever dream you created. No feedback, no response to queries, nothing. But they're still alive and busy. (This was on Discord for me).

I like to think I'm the Good Beta Reader (though mine are more like critiques). But having glorified myself , I'll say that I'm not only an avid reader, I am a freelance editor irl and also participated in the RWA's critique partner scheme for many years, where I was constantly asked to mentor new writers (and therefore honed my skills at diplomacy as much as anything else). I have a long-time critique partner (also a writer) who is also a dear friend and won't hesitate to tell me when something is rubbish (nicely). I have found that the best responses are often from other authors. I see beta readers as non-writers who will hopefully give you feedback purely from a reader perspective. If you want serious advice, then a critique partner is always best.

I would consider "The Ghost" a variation of "The Apologia" but yeah, I can see it.

I remember volunteer editing RPG materials for a gaming club, and frequently having to remember "This is their style, their work, not mine; it is not how I would do it, but it works so don't say anything." - the most important mantra for a volunteer editor (though I did often toss out "It feels like this would be a fantastic adventure if YOU ran it, but you're missing some details here for someone else to do as well" - twice got "You're probably right," and once just stony silence).

 

[LandenGonzalez]

Insane coincidence but I also wrote a fantasy novella at 35k words (first draft, and mine is...mostly multicultural too lol.) Very cool!

Wow super weird lol cool! If you'd be interested, it sounds like we have similar tastes, so I'd be happy to swap feedback about your story with mine!

Freelance editor here. ?You're both right @CharlesEBrown and @Racosharko, I'd never approach people with unsolicited offers. Often people don't have the money, can do it themselves using an online tool or don't think editing is that important...or for other reasons. I'm also now hotly aware of how annoying and disheartening it is to have these 'offers'.

Every comment I've gotten on my work here and on Wattpad has been an unsolicited offer for 'character concept/design' despite the fact my profile clearly states I'm also a graphic artist.

And yes, given my experience and career background there are some novels I do want to say "perhaps you should give up writing and take up Any Other Job'. But if that person derives pleasure from it and doesn't care for success, whom am I to gainsay?

@LandenGonzalez perhaps make your request a little more appealing by working on your synopsis/blurb? An emphatic explanation of its multiculturalism and a laundry list of tropes and ideas isn't really describing your work - if you want to attract beta readers. This really does read like an ad for your novel with a side request for beta readers.

Also, a tip: be clear on what you'd like in terms of feedback from beta readers. Some will just go 'I liked it', which really isn't that helpful.

I see. I'm new to these threads, I figured I would have to sell the beta readers on my book to make them interested enough to lend me their time and good effort.

 

[Eldoria]

Yeah, i think I have seen 2 since records began. They made a thread offering but I have never heard of editors approach people directly.

Coz isnt that like saying, "bro... you need to rewrite your book, coz what you got... that ain't working..."

They usually come with offers of collaboration or something while praising your work (even though they've only read a few lines). Even more ridiculous than offering a cover is their shameless offer to edit a story idea?! Hey, the author's creative soul lies in the story idea. If they want to dissect or offer ideas, it's the same as indirectly spitting in the author's face.