Hey guys!! If anyone has time, can you review mine (I want to know how I can improve)

[RealRomanLord]

Absolute Assassin: Road to Becoming the Godkiller

One day, the world as Seojin knew it shattered. People who went to sleep began being summoned into a brutal, game-like realm where they had to fight to gain power and extend their lives. For ten relentless years, Seojin survived, killed, and pursued the secrets of this merciless world alongside...

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[Eldoria]

Weaknesses:

1. Thematic depth: Surviving in an apocalyptic world, regression and betrayal are mainstream stories commonly found in Japanese, Korean, and Chinese novels. Unfortunately, I didn't find anything unique, authentic, or interesting after reading chapter 1 (the prologue containing the premise of your story).
2. Worldbuilding: The synopsis explains that the protagonist is summoned to a brutal, game-like world for survival and levelling. However, the prologue doesn't elaborate on this brutal world and seems more like a tacked-on setting (you're in ancient ruins, that's all) than a living world.
3. Characterization: MC is described as a survivor in the world before the regression, but after being betrayed and regressed, the MC has no good motivation; he only wants revenge, greed, selfishness, and to become the strongest. A dark character like this tends to have difficulty attracting sympathy from readers.

Strengths:

1. Cool cover (although it doesn't mean it's a trending cover).
2. Grammar: neat chapter writing, short paragraphs, flowing dialogue, making the reader comfortable reading.

Verdict:
For the synopsis + prologue (chapter 1), I will give a rating of 3 out of 5. The novel is well written to read, but the theme is dark and the MC's motivation is not related to the reader, making the reader feel less comfortable.

Recommendations:

1. Try to find what the competitive advantage of your novel is compared to similar regression novels.
2. Describe the brutal game world in the prologue, as described in the synopsis. It doesn't need to be lengthy; just 1 - 3 short paragraphs about the world's atmosphere are sufficient.
3. The characterization of the MC should be made more human and relatable to the reader. You may be able to add more empathetic motivations, such as protecting family, parents, beloved little sister or can also make more heroic motivations, such as stopping the evil of former party members and saving the world.

Critical note:
My assessment is very likely biased because I only read the synopsis and chapter 1. However, it is important to note that if the prologue fails to captivate the reader, then the reader will most likely not continue to the next chapters.

Best regards.

 

[Akkizakura]

Pretty good.

Some readers prefer to read a story after it has many chapters. But you will be fine since you already have consistent updates schedule. Just keep writing.

 

[FRWriter]

Doesn't sound too bad, but I am guessing you rely a lot on AI?
Many people do so, and it's fine, but I am a little shocked about your grammar... It's like Night & Day compared to your story.

"Hey guys!! If anyone has time, can you review mine ( wan to know how i can improve)"

No commas, no proper sentencing, weird spaces, "I" written in small.... You also barely managed to write a single sentence.

 

[K_Nishi]

Hello! I’ve only read the first chapter so far (so my feedback may be a bit limited), but I was able to grasp the core theme and the overall momentum of the story. However, I felt that it was sometimes difficult to visualize the scenes clearly in my mind. Here are a few suggestions that might help improve that:

1. Try adding a few brief descriptions of the characters’ appearances — such as height, hairstyle, facial expressions, or the condition of their clothing. Short snapshots would be enough to help readers form an image.
2. Incorporate sensory details of the environment (light, sound, smell, temperature). Even small phrases like “the musty smell of damp stone walls,” “the clatter of metal armor,” or “the wavering flames of torches” can bring the scene to life.
3. Instead of explaining the setting or background directly, try showing it through actions and dialogue. For example, changes in society or politics can be revealed naturally through conversations or through the items characters carry.
4. Regarding the opening structure: starting with a strong hook (like betrayal or the protagonist’s death) is very effective, but you may want to include short flashbacks or small interactions that deepen the emotional connection. That way, the audience will have a clearer understanding of why the betrayal matters.

 

[RealRomanLord]

Weaknesses:

1. Thematic depth: Surviving in an apocalyptic world, regression and betrayal are mainstream stories commonly found in Japanese, Korean, and Chinese novels. Unfortunately, I didn't find anything unique, authentic, or interesting after reading chapter 1 (the prologue containing the premise of your story).
2. Worldbuilding: The synopsis explains that the protagonist is summoned to a brutal, game-like world for survival and levelling. However, the prologue doesn't elaborate on this brutal world and seems more like a tacked-on setting (you're in ancient ruins, that's all) than a living world.
3. Characterization: MC is described as a survivor in the world before the regression, but after being betrayed and regressed, the MC has no good motivation; he only wants revenge, greed, selfishness, and to become the strongest. A dark character like this tends to have difficulty attracting sympathy from readers.

Strengths:

1. Cool cover (although it doesn't mean it's a trending cover).
2. Grammar: neat chapter writing, short paragraphs, flowing dialogue, making the reader comfortable reading.

Verdict:
For the synopsis + prologue (chapter 1), I will give a rating of 3 out of 5. The novel is well written to read, but the theme is dark and the MC's motivation is not related to the reader, making the reader feel less comfortable.

Recommendations:

1. Try to find what the competitive advantage of your novel is compared to similar regression novels.
2. Describe the brutal game world in the prologue, as described in the synopsis. It doesn't need to be lengthy; just 1 - 3 short paragraphs about the world's atmosphere are sufficient.
3. The characterization of the MC should be made more human and relatable to the reader. You may be able to add more empathetic motivations, such as protecting family, parents, beloved little sister or can also make more heroic motivations, such as stopping the evil of former party members and saving the world.

Critical note:
My assessment is very likely biased because I only read the synopsis and chapter 1. However, it is important to note that if the prologue fails to captivate the reader, then the reader will most likely not continue to the next chapters.

Best regards.

Thank you very much for the review and advice.

Doesn't sound too bad, but I am guessing you rely a lot on AI?
Many people do so, and it's fine, but I am a little shocked about your grammar... It's like Night & Day compared to your story.

"Hey guys!! If anyone has time, can you review mine ( wan to know how i can improve)"

No commas, no proper sentencing, weird spaces, "I" written in small.... You also barely managed to write a single sentence.

I wrote this on my phone so messed up a little. Sorry ?

Pretty good.

Some readers prefer to read a story after it has many chapters. But you will be fine since you already have consistent updates schedule. Just keep writing.

Thank you ?

Hello! I’ve only read the first chapter so far (so my feedback may be a bit limited), but I was able to grasp the core theme and the overall momentum of the story. However, I felt that it was sometimes difficult to visualize the scenes clearly in my mind. Here are a few suggestions that might help improve that:

1. Try adding a few brief descriptions of the characters’ appearances — such as height, hairstyle, facial expressions, or the condition of their clothing. Short snapshots would be enough to help readers form an image.
2. Incorporate sensory details of the environment (light, sound, smell, temperature). Even small phrases like “the musty smell of damp stone walls,” “the clatter of metal armor,” or “the wavering flames of torches” can bring the scene to life.
3. Instead of explaining the setting or background directly, try showing it through actions and dialogue. For example, changes in society or politics can be revealed naturally through conversations or through the items characters carry.
4. Regarding the opening structure: starting with a strong hook (like betrayal or the protagonist’s death) is very effective, but you may want to include short flashbacks or small interactions that deepen the emotional connection. That way, the audience will have a clearer understanding of why the betrayal matters.

I understand. Thank you