Hey!
I’m looking to do a review swap with anyone who’s willing, maybe like a 5 Chapter review?
I’m interested in reading dark fantasy, but I need to stipulate that I won’t read anything with LitRPG elements or Isekai. Nothing wrong with those, just not my preference.
I enjoy series like A Song of Fire and Ice, The Name of the Wind, The Witcher, and LOTR. So anything inspired by that I am totally down to read and review.
I'll do a review at the end, and I’d love to find someone who is down to do the same.
Thanks!
I've read the prologue and the first four chapters. I won't be reviewing the first four chapters because I'm more emotionally attached to them: the MC experiencing déjà vu, the strong and loving mother, and the cute but pleasant little sister. These are all very relatable to the reader's need for a harmonious family, especially given the dark fantasy setting. If this family dynamic is further developed into the plot, I think readers will be willing to follow the story, because family is the reality closest to the reader. By giving the MC a harmonious family setting, readers will position themselves as the MC caring for their family. This will be a great way to build towards the upcoming conflict.
Therefore, I will focus my review analysis on the prologue. To be honest, after reading the prologue, my impression was "
tiring." I was very tired; the prologue consists of 4K words. I lost focus midway through the chapter because the burden was too great, especially since it was still a prologue.
Honestly, if the prologue had been removed, I wouldn't have minded. The first four chapters without the prologue made me more engaged than reading the tiring prologue. Here's an analysis of the prologue:
1. Opening
- The prologue is too long, with solid, atmospheric descriptions, intense scenes, and dialogue, but you forget that this is just the prologue. Without prior character introductions, new readers will have difficulty grasping the context of the story and, most importantly, why they should care. The prologue itself is over 4K words long. Imagine how tired readers would be after this prologue and only discover the protagonist, Norman, at the end of the chapter.
- Psychologically: Digital readers, especially mobile readers, often skim, and if the first 2-3 paragraphs don't promise "conflict + character + emotional hook," they'll drop out of the story. So it's no wonder prologue views are so low.
- Solution: Instead of introducing description, go straight to the climax of the conflict to introduce the "main premise of the story." Impress the reader with the climax by presenting something unique, whether it's an action scene, a mysterious character, or something unique from your lore. The point is to make the reader interested and care about your story: "Why should I care about this story?" "What is important to me about this story?" "What uniqueness does this story offer me?" These questions should be answered in your prologue.
- Advice: Create a clear, engaging, concise, and concise prologue, approximately 600-1000 words. Don't overdo it! Focus on the climax of the conflict that shakes the reader.
2. Character
- Norman, as the protagonist, appears too slowly, too passive, and lacks any personal motivation to make the reader want to follow him. This makes the reader lose interest. I can't get emotionally attached. When I see the main character, I feel like I'm watching a cutscene from an RPG, not a character story I should care about.
- Solution: Norman should be introduced earlier as a protagonist with conflicted desires or strong personal fears. Give him a strong motivation for embarking on an expedition that leads to meeting a witch.
3. Dialogue and Action
- The action plot of being attacked by a monster is too cliché: military orders - attacked by a monster - spell cast. Readers already fed up with dark fantasy stories can easily guess: what happens next? It's too cliché.
- Solution: Provide a specific plot twist that shocks the reader. It's okay if the plot is the same, but the presentation must be unique. For example, during an expedition exploring the forest, the crew suddenly disappears one by one, mysteriously, before the witch finally appears as the main antagonist.
4. Hook
- The hook is too slow. Readers, already tired of reading more than 2,000 words, become emotionally exhausted before the main antagonist is introduced. As a result, they don't grasp the main antagonist's impression.
- Solution: Keep the pacing fast. Present the antagonist as a plot twist that shocks the protagonist, so that the reader feels connected to the story's main conflict.
This is my personal review after reading 5 chapters (prologue + 4 first chapters). Overall, this story is quite good except for the prologue, which is too tiring. I would give it a 4/5 rating (if you improve the prologue, maybe I would give it a 5/5 rating). If you agree with this review, I can summarise it more simply to be published in your novel review as a promotional message. Perhaps that's all I can say, more or less. I apologise. Greetings.
Note: I will not post reviews on your novel page before getting your approval.
but there's so many short hands out there