I Can’t Write Romance…

[Arch9CivilReactor]

I realised I got a weird view on romance. Most tropes I see of it don't resonate with me because life has taught me self-sufficiency. Almost none of the times reaching out for someone ever had a positive impact on my life. Instead actively turning it worse due to outside interference.

Trust is also something I’m not ready to give out easily… so seeing fictional characters trust in strangers makes me oddly pitying of their naive beliefs. Thinking that they should probably be more distrusting. I end up blaming them when they are eventually betrayed like a gut reaction.

Almost like I’m validating my own distrust

Honestly, I find it hard to relate with real life examples of romance. Fictional ones aren’t any better. I’ll probably never write a pure romance because of that (especially harem subplots). The attention of beautiful ladies just seems like unwanted danger in my eyes. Not desirable.

I guess I’m not tough enough to put myself on the line to find something genuine with someone else. Self-sufficiency and an introverted mindset has made me so wary that I can’t seem to feel the same way when people show me kindness.

Not saying I’m sad about it but this doesn’t really help in writing romance. Even if I don’t ‘hate’ the genre.

Can any of you write romance? If so, how are you able to do so? Is it a wish-fulfilment fantasy of your perfect type put on paper, or something else?

I’m curious.

 

[Valmond]

You’re thinking of things from the wrong angle I suppose I can say. Romance have become very diluted term, with little to meaning left in it.

At the core of it, it is the connection. I hated the genre initially, but it was more that what I was seeing just didn’t hit.

Later I discovered, if I took things my own way. It can be far better. To the point that others liked it a lot.

I still think I am not good at it, but people think otherwise.

The way mainstream Romance is done, and typically what gets copied are the surface level stuff. And some of the worst in the genre.

You can write a romance as the center, while still having fantastical elements and going ham as they say.

The trick is giving worth to the characters, and the point of what surrounds them and what happens as a result of it.

A quick example is from Azure Night, a story I have done.

It is a tragic race against time story. The further it draws to the Azure Night, the more desperate the protagonist grows. You feel, see, and experience their insecurities, fear, desperation, anguish, etc.

And ultimately their choice to self destruct, to tap more into their contract to save the other.

The other isn’t passive, they do what they can to guide the protagonist from their position. Their actions, the link they created over the years.

Is the reason the protagonist is able to get through to former allies/friends, and why those people eventually helps the protagonist.

Each character plays an important role, but all connect to one another very closely. The Romance is the core, but what spawns from it is what the two characters did to make the progression possible.

 

[Arch9CivilReactor]

You’re thinking of things from the wrong angle I suppose I can say. Romance have become very diluted term, with little to meaning left in it.

At the core of it, it is the connection. I hated the genre initially, but it was more that what I was seeing just didn’t hit.

Later I discovered, if I took things my own way. It can be far better. To the point that others liked it a lot.

I still think I am not good at it, but people think otherwise.

The way mainstream Romance is done, and typically what gets copied are the surface level stuff. And some of the worst in the genre.

You can write a romance as the center, while still having fantastical elements and going ham as they say.

The trick is giving worth to the characters, and the point of what surrounds them and what happens as a result of it.

A quick example is from Azure Night, a story I have done.

It is a tragic race against time story. The further it draws to the Azure Night, the more desperate the protagonist grows. You feel, see, and experience their insecurities, fear, desperation, anguish, etc.

And ultimately their choice to self destruct, to tap more into their contract to save the other.

The other isn’t passive, they do what they can to guide the protagonist from their position. Their actions, the link they created over the years.

Is the reason the protagonist is able to get through to former allies/friends, and why those people eventually helps the protagonist.

Each character plays an important role, but all connect to one another very closely. The Romance is the core, but what spawns from it is what the two characters did to make the progression possible.

I’m starting to understand what you mean. Did something similar in The One Being Protected [Magical Girl Urban Fantasy] where the main character has a ‘deep friendship’ that is kinda romantic in a way. They like each other a lot and want to see each other happy platonically.

It’s one of the only works where I try the ‘romance’ aspect without using any of the known tropes (no blood rushing, heart racing, etc). Just two people caring for one another and being there when they’re needed.

 

[Zagaroth]

I'm 50 years old, and my 12th anniversary will be later this year. I have no problem writing a happy, healthy romance, because it is what I have always wanted and what I now have.

In order to be a *good* romantic partner, one must first be capable of being a good friend. Friendship involves an exchange of trust. Friends can trust that if they need help, they can call their friend at any hour of the day or night and said friend will do their best to help. There are reasonable limits of proportional response; you can't expect someone to put their job at risk over something that is an inconvenience for you but not an emergency. That sort of emergency should probably be handled by 911 anyway.

OTOH, as an example of what to expect, I have received a call at 2 AM from a friend whose truck broke down. I had work in the morning, but I could be functional enough. So I grabbed my few tools that might help, including a couple of flashlights, drove down to where he was, helped as needed, drove to go get some fluids from a 24 hour gas station and came back, finished getting his truck running just in time for him to be able to get to his next job and me to go home long enough to shower and head to my job.

If you can be that sort of friend, then you can be a romantic partner, as it requires that same level of trust and reliability. But you know, with more intimacy (and I do not just mean sex, which is technically optional but usually there).

 

[Golden_Hyde]

Can any of you write romance? If so, how are you able to do so? Is it a wish-fulfilment fantasy of your perfect type put on paper, or something else?

I can, and I write it with grounded realism where you don't have to say cliche things or even including sex in the process (although including it might spice things up, but it's far from being an essential factor). In fact, a romantic story can be less different than doing stuff with a best friend (as stated by the person above me), with the exception of making the other party a breakfast or slight cuddling while discussing about stuff. Basically everything that seemed mundane, but they do it together.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

The attention of beautiful ladies just seems like unwanted danger in my eyes. Not desirable.

 

[LiteraryWho]

imo, most, if not all romance shoehorned into a story not about relationships is worse than worthless. Don't get me wrong, I love several "romance" novels, but I've never read a fantasy story, etc. which had some bozo pining away for some other bozo and thought to myself, "Man, this sure is a compelling subplot in this story about dragon wizards."

 

[Frowfy]

I realised I got a weird view on romance. Most tropes I see of it don't resonate with me because life has taught me self-sufficiency. Almost none of the times reaching out for someone ever had a positive impact on my life. Instead actively turning it worse due to outside interference.

Trust is also something I’m not ready to give out easily… so seeing fictional characters trust in strangers makes me oddly pitying of their naive beliefs. Thinking that they should probably be more distrusting. I end up blaming them when they are eventually betrayed like a gut reaction.

Almost like I’m validating my own distrust

Honestly, I find it hard to relate with real life examples of romance. Fictional ones aren’t any better. I’ll probably never write a pure romance because of that (especially harem subplots). The attention of beautiful ladies just seems like unwanted danger in my eyes. Not desirable.

I guess I’m not tough enough to put myself on the line to find something genuine with someone else. Self-sufficiency and an introverted mindset has made me so wary that I can’t seem to feel the same way when people show me kindness.

Not saying I’m sad about it but this doesn’t really help in writing romance. Even if I don’t ‘hate’ the genre.

Can any of you write romance? If so, how are you able to do so? Is it a wish-fulfilment fantasy of your perfect type put on paper, or something else?

I’m curious.

This vision of yours doesn't stop you from creating a romantic novel, instead it could generate an eccentric and unique story lol.

I also have genres I'm not compatible with. I can't write action-based novels. They just seem so boring to me that it's hard to read or write them. I don't see it as a problem because my stories are slice of life, and I'm in my comfort zone. I can write action if necessary, but I can't write stories centered around it.

From my perspective, there's no reason to create an action novel, considering how boring it would be. But if you're so worried about not being able to create romantic stories, it probably means you desire that element in some way. My answer to that is: you don't need to agree with all the typical romantic tropes.

 

[RainyLiquid]

Skill issue.

 

[Paul__Michaels]

Skill issue.

I feel like there's a pill ? that can't fix that, but some like to vent.

 

[MajorKerina]

Friendship and trust yep is how it starts. Willingness to deal with shit together when it happens if it's a bad day sink leaking or frustration. Romance without the reality is just lust.

 

[Corty]

When you write romance you write the idealised version of it not what reality is.

That’s like romance 101.

 

[NineHeadHeavenDevouringSerpent]

Stop thinking rationally is all I would say when dealing with romance.

Don't push it though, romance is hardly a dying genre

 

[Deleted member 166465]

Well, I got a severe alergy to that crap called romance. I cant read it, I cant write it, I cant see it, I cant stand that crap.
Romance is a genre that should desapear from literature.
Now, going back to your problem. Dont worry, there is many more genres that are a lot more interesting and they transcend time.
Aside from romeo and juliet, most romance tend to keep a low relevance in history.
Marcus Aurelius meditations are 2000+ years old, still relevant. (Philosophy)
Omero work, still relevant. (adventure).
The Quijote, the magnus opus of spanish is an adventure.
What I mean is:
If you want fast attention, write romance, smut, and that crap.
If you want a legacy, forget about romance and write a meaningfull book, you don even have to reinvent the wheel. You can use the same "hero journey", the world needs heroes, specially in this degenerated, sick, confusing and irrational times. There is no virtue left in society, relationships, family, politics (in there ever was), still we crave for it, we crave for bravery, chivalry, generosity, etc. Give it to them, just need to find the right voice, the right words.
Forget about Romance, is saturated anyway.

 

[Golden_Hyde]

Well, I got a severe alergy to that crap called romance. I cant read it, I cant write it, I cant see it, I cant stand that crap.
Romance is a genre that should desapear from literature.
Now, going back to your problem. Dont worry, there is many more genres that are a lot more interesting and they transcend time.
Aside from romeo and juliet, most romance tend to keep a low relevance in history.
Marcus Aurelius meditations are 2000+ years old, still relevant. (Philosophy)
Omero work, still relevant. (adventure).
The Quijote, the magnus opus of spanish is an adventure.
What I mean is:
If you want fast attention, write romance, smut, and that crap.
If you want a legacy, forget about romance and write a meaningfull book, you don even have to reinvent the wheel. You can use the same "hero journey", the world needs heroes, specially in this degenerated, sick, confusing and irrational times. There is no virtue left in society, relationships, family, politics (in there ever was), still we crave for it, we crave for bravery, chivalry, generosity, etc. Give it to them, just need to find the right voice, the right words.
Forget about Romance, is saturated anyway.

Then, my friend, you're in a bad luck and in a wrong platform because this place is littered with Yuri reincarnation stuff where all the author can think of is to insert a female character to hog all females and romancing all of them as they wish.

Royal Road is that way tho

 

[DaelyxLenAuphydas]

Well, I got a severe alergy to that crap called romance. I cant read it, I cant write it, I cant see it, I cant stand that crap.
Romance is a genre that should desapear from literature.
Now, going back to your problem. Dont worry, there is many more genres that are a lot more interesting and they transcend time.
Aside from romeo and juliet, most romance tend to keep a low relevance in history.
Marcus Aurelius meditations are 2000+ years old, still relevant. (Philosophy)
Omero work, still relevant. (adventure).
The Quijote, the magnus opus of spanish is an adventure.
What I mean is:
If you want fast attention, write romance, smut, and that crap.
If you want a legacy, forget about romance and write a meaningfull book, you don even have to reinvent the wheel. You can use the same "hero journey", the world needs heroes, specially in this degenerated, sick, confusing and irrational times. There is no virtue left in society, relationships, family, politics (in there ever was), still we crave for it, we crave for bravery, chivalry, generosity, etc. Give it to them, just need to find the right voice, the right words.
Forget about Romance, is saturated anyway.

While I am not a person who would ever read nor write romance for my own reasons, this seems like a pretty bad mentality to approach writing from. Very, very few of us are Marcus Aurelius, people read him because of his historical significant more than anything. Approaching all creative ventures as though you're a legendary figure in history and comparing yourself to such figures is... a fast road to disappointment. Not everything needs to nor has to be some elaborate legacy.

Not that I disagree with your latter statements. I know I certainly have a point to what I write, and have found myself in some kind of controversy lately as a result of that. But people like their wish fulfilment and self-indulgence, I dont think theres anything wrong with that at least conceptually. Further, for most people at least, romance is a fundamental part of their lives. Suggesting to remove that aspect entirely is... eh... Only really make sense if you're actively going against the concept of romance itself. Otherwise it seems logical for it to be incorporated into all manner of stories since it takes such a central role in peoples lives.

Bear in mind I say this as possibly the most ironic person who could possibly be stating it.

As for the forum thread topic
I also find romance hard to write though, once again, for my own reasons.

As I said above I would definitely not find any of my stories to be actually romances, because, um, it wouldnt make any sense for me. But as an aspect of character arcs I sometimes find the need to incorporate some romantic themes into a story, and it is pretty difficult. In my case, because its hard to wrap my head around the mindset required to act in that way. But also because theres a certain degree of shamelessness to it that is hard for me to really reach. I tend to have to try and push myself to write characters behaving in ways I would never act, and certainly to overcome my hesitation and feelings of awkwardness when engaging with heavy and sordid topics. Even if its important to develop the story's themes and overarching goals.

I wouldn't say I have a particular method to overcome that, other than just trying harder, honestly. I try to think back to times of my life when I've felt infatuation and try to capture that energy as well as possible, but I also have to take inspiration from others experiences since my own were so, ehrm, odd to say the least. In some cases I'll confess I just lean on cliches. I try not to avoid things I'm bad at writing as a general rule since I think its important to get better at those things, and romance is still one of my weaker points.

The best way to overcome that barrier though is strongly dependant on the purpose. I assume, based on how you word things, you want to portray the romance as not strictly a bad thing. In that case, you'd probably want to stick to focusing on developing the characters relationship platonically and then only from there verge into romantic territory. But... That's honestly just a guess from an outsider, since my reasons for including romance are less... Idealistic.

Generally speaking though if you disagree with a notion ideologically then theres no need to incorporate it into your story. You arent forced to stick to genre conventions. If you want to incorporate romance into your story then do so, but portray it as you think it should be portrayed, not anyone else. If you think it feels naive or idealistic there's nothing wrong with pushing that viewpoint in your story, so long as it doesnt become an anvilicious aesop. Our personal views and moralities always influence our writing, this is no different.

 

[Supperset]

????

 

[Deleted member 166465]

While I am not a person who would ever read nor write romance for my own reasons, this seems like a pretty bad mentality to approach writing from. Very, very few of us are Marcus Aurelius, people read him because of his historical significant more than anything. Approaching all creative ventures as though you're a legendary figure in history and comparing yourself to such figures is... a fast road to disappointment. Not everything needs to nor has to be some elaborate legacy.

Not that I disagree with your latter statements. I know I certainly have a point to what I write, and have found myself in some kind of controversy lately as a result of that. But people like their wish fulfilment and self-indulgence, I dont think theres anything wrong with that at least conceptually. Further, for most people at least, romance is a fundamental part of their lives. Suggesting to remove that aspect entirely is... eh... Only really make sense if you're actively going against the concept of romance itself. Otherwise it seems logical for it to be incorporated into all manner of stories since it takes such a central role in peoples lives.

Bear in mind I say this as possibly the most ironic person who could possibly be stating it.

As for the forum thread topic
I also find romance hard to write though, once again, for my own reasons.

As I said above I would definitely not find any of my stories to be actually romances, because, um, it wouldnt make any sense for me. But as an aspect of character arcs I sometimes find the need to incorporate some romantic themes into a story, and it is pretty difficult. In my case, because its hard to wrap my head around the mindset required to act in that way. But also because theres a certain degree of shamelessness to it that is hard for me to really reach. I tend to have to try and push myself to write characters behaving in ways I would never act, and certainly to overcome my hesitation and feelings of awkwardness when engaging with heavy and sordid topics. Even if its important to develop the story's themes and overarching goals.

I wouldn't say I have a particular method to overcome that, other than just trying harder, honestly. I try to think back to times of my life when I've felt infatuation and try to capture that energy as well as possible, but I also have to take inspiration from others experiences since my own were so, ehrm, odd to say the least. In some cases I'll confess I just lean on cliches. I try not to avoid things I'm bad at writing as a general rule since I think its important to get better at those things, and romance is still one of my weaker points.

The best way to overcome that barrier though is strongly dependant on the purpose. I assume, based on how you word things, you want to portray the romance as not strictly a bad thing. In that case, you'd probably want to stick to focusing on developing the characters relationship platonically and then only from there verge into romantic territory. But... That's honestly just a guess from an outsider, since my reasons for including romance are less... Idealistic.

Generally speaking though if you disagree with a notion ideologically then theres no need to incorporate it into your story. You arent forced to stick to genre conventions. If you want to incorporate romance into your story then do so, but portray it as you think it should be portrayed, not anyone else. If you think it feels naive or idealistic there's nothing wrong with pushing that viewpoint in your story, so long as it doesnt become an anvilicious aesop. Our personal views and moralities always influence our writing, this is no different.

That is very valid; but, and just entertain me for a moment.
¿How are you gonna become a Marcus Aurelius if you never try?
¿How to achieve greatness if you dont have the mentality?
About the relationships; I am just bad at it, like terribly bad, becouse I am a cold, insensitive person. Ice got nothing on me. So I dont even try to push myself in a field I cant even comprehend.
There is two ways to become good on soemthing be writing, sports, or a profession:
1) Be good one something and improve as best as possible in your imperfections.
2) Improve on your talent to the point you become a master in that specific subject.
There is people who are maleable and have a wide rango of skill with diferent level of proficiency, that aint my case. So instead of trying to fight against everyone in their field, I will push the limits of my own. Maybe I will fail, there is low chance I will succeed. But it doesnt matter, there is thousands of people here trying to become " a writer" 99% wont make it, I would just be one of them.

Then, my friend, you're in a bad luck and in a wrong platform because this place is littered with Yuri reincarnation stuff where all the author can think of is to insert a female character to hog all females and romancing all of them as they wish.

Royal Road is that way tho

I know. But I will stick to my guns. I write drama and tragedy the most, always trying to be "original" and giving my story a "realistic" aproach, specially in the aspect of the characters personality.
Anyway, in numbers, is easier to succeed when you are 1 among 100. than it is to succeed in one of 1000, so you guys keep fighting it out on romance, I am going the other way.

 

[DaelyxLenAuphydas]

That is very valid; but, and just entertain me for a moment.
¿How are you gonna become a Marcus Aurelius if you never try?
¿How to achieve greatness if you dont have the mentality?
About the relationships; I am just bad at it, like terribly bad, becouse I am a cold, insensitive person. Ice got nothing on me. So I dont even try to push myself in a field I cant even comprehend.
There is two ways to become good on soemthing be writing, sports, or a profession:
1) Be good one something and improve as best as possible in your imperfections.
2) Improve on your talent to the point you become a master in that specific subject.
There is people who are maleable and have a wide rango of skill with diferent level of proficiency, that aint my case. So instead of trying to fight against everyone in their field, I will push the limits of my own. Maybe I will fail, there is low chance I will succeed. But it doesnt matter, there is thousands of people here trying to become " a writer" 99% wont make it, I would just be one of them.

I know. But I will stick to my guns. I write drama and tragedy the most, always trying to be "original" and giving my story a "realistic" aproach, specially in the aspect of the characters personality.
Anyway, in numbers, is easier to succeed when you are 1 among 100. than it is to succeed in one of 1000, so you guys keep fighting it out on romance, I am going the other way.

Write whats meaningful to you. If that means focusing on your 'original' stories then more power to you. But that doesnt make it wrong if someone wants to write something you deem to be 'low art'. Myself, I always try to keep pushing on things I'm not good at. Including romance, because despite my misgivings, its a significant part of characters lives and fundamental to showing the full depth of what happens to characters. But, that just goes with my general writing philosophy; I like writing stories that are about a wider swathe of things than a single focused narrative.

 

[Deleted member 166465]

Write whats meaningful to you. If that means focusing on your 'original' stories then more power to you. But that doesnt make it wrong if someone wants to write something you deem to be 'low art'. Myself, I always try to keep pushing on things I'm not good at. Including romance, because despite my misgivings, its a significant part of characters lives and fundamental to showing the full depth of what happens to characters. But, that just goes with my general writing philosophy; I like writing stories that are about a wider swathe of things than a single focused narrative.

Ok. You got me wrong. Is not that I have a problem with romance in literature. I have a problem with it everywhere. Is not the literary genre, is the emotion what I despise. Is a bunch of crap. Write what ever you want, I just wont read it and that is ok. There is 8000 million people on this rock, I am not important at all.
Still, trying to compete in a market that is so saturated is madness... Oh! wait. Never mind.