Looking for Early Feedback. Please be Kind

[AlbumsOfScrolls]

? AI Disclaimer: Before you read, please note that I’ve used AI to help edit my writing. About 95–98% of each chapter is in my own words, but sometimes I get stuck on phrasing and use it as a crutch. If that’s a turn-off for you, I understand, but for me, it’s a helpful way to spot areas where I can improve.

Okay, now that's out of the way. I'm a first-time writer on here, and I'm writing a story for fun, something I want to read.

If I had to give its top three tags, they would be first-contact, xuanhuan, and comedy.

I know the first chapter is too expository, but I'm not sure how to fix it. Also, I'm concerned about pacing and the dialogue in the second chapter.

Any advice or feedback on those issues and the general story would be greatly appreciated ??? Thank you!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1624818/the-unwilling-hermit/

 

[blackcrowcrowd]

? AI Disclaimer: Before you read, please note that I’ve used AI to help edit my writing. About 95–98% of each chapter is in my own words, but sometimes I get stuck on phrasing and use it as a crutch. If that’s a turn-off for you, I understand, but for me, it’s a helpful way to spot areas where I can improve.

Okay, now that's out of the way. I'm a first-time writer on here, and I'm writing a story for fun, something I want to read.

If I had to give its top three tags, they would be first-contact, xuanhuan, and comedy.

I know the first chapter is too expository, but I'm not sure how to fix it. Also, I'm concerned about pacing and the dialogue in the second chapter.

Any advice or feedback on those issues and the general story would be greatly appreciated ??? Thank you!

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1624818/the-unwilling-hermit/

1. [In the center of Taijin, near the sheltered coast of Meru,] I have no idea what these two words mean.
2. [lacquer and cinnabar. Its pointed roofs were topped with golden Fenghuang.] Should've added footnotes?
3. Conversations: The conversation needs some indicators of who's talking outside of the dialogue itself, (Such as Emperor said. and such) and you need to look out for wrong formatting (One dialogues doesn't have " at the end, only at the start. And then there's a 'He' that is lowercase)
4.

Spoiler: Look at this conversation length

“Your Majesty. I have tonified her qi, nourished her yin, and moistened her lungs. But we have no cure for lao bing; we can only treat the symptoms.

“But do not give up hope. I know of one man who may be able to save her.

“Few know, but my mentor is the one who helped me claim the title of best doctor.

“Five hundred li to the east, atop Tiger Mountain, lives a mysterious hermit. It is said he can tell all that has been forgotten, all that is known, and all that will be known, but… whether you will see him is up to luck. Some have searched for years and never caught a glimpse of him; others have simply stepped foot upon the peak, and he has appeared.

“When he appeared to me, he revealed my path in life and taught me medicine for two weeks. In those two weeks, I learned more than I have in the three decades since.

“If anyone can save your daughter, it is he.”

“Some miracle maker atop a mountain is the best excuse you can give me? That the greatest doctor in the empire learned everything from a mystical hermit.

“So many men have come to me with such stories. The monasteries love to spin them and ask for funds, saying their blessings will save us from war and famine.

“But, I run an empire doctor, magical thinking does not put food in an army’s stomach, or cure my daughter.”

“I’m telling the truth, Your Majesty. I am unworthy of the title of best doctor. That man should hold it. He still lives on that mountain. Please believe me.

“If he is not there, I surely deserve to have my head on a pike.”

“Then I will march my armies to the mountain and have them scour every single zhang of that mountain and bring him to me.”

“That will not work. If he does not wish to be found, even if you flattened the mountain and dug through the earth, you would not find him. Where he wanders is said to be beyond the plane of mortals.”

“Again with these magical lies. There are no immortals in this world, only men. If you think he can somehow escape my armies, then I will send a courier to bring him here to treat my daughter.”

“That will not work either. He cannot leave the mountain and will not give knowledge regarding those not present.

“You must take your daughter to the peak of Tiger Mountain if you wish her to be saved. That is the only way.”

“Doctor… These excuses are wearing on my nerves. If there is really no hope, tell me, and you will walk free tonight.”

“Your Majesty. I do not take back what I said. Go in person to the top of Tiger Mountain with your daughter and meet my master. If there is any hope for her, it lies with him.”

-> Feels very stale with all sentences ending only on a dot. + I read til the bottom, and quite a lot needs '!', it seems.


Note: As a reader, you might want to put our MC first, then the scene with the princess, cuz it's been almost a chapter and I haven't seen what I came here for.

 

[Rookieqw]

1. [In the center of Taijin, near the sheltered coast of Meru,] I have no idea what these two words mean.

I assume that Taijin is a city, while Meru is a river or an inland sea (because of the mention of a coast). Probably a river, since there's mention of a center.