Need more reviews so i can change the way my story goes or tell me if the pacing is fast

rvie

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Beckoned From The Brink (Of Another World)
Genre: Comedy, Harem, Isekai, adventure
Chapters: 5 in total
Screenshot_20250610-113017_1.jpg
 
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rvie

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2025
Messages
18
Points
3
Beckoned From The Brink (Of Another World)
Genre: Comedy, Harem, Isekai, adventure, overp
Chapters: 5 in total
View attachment 39395
 

CharlesEBrown

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The formatting is ... odd. Feels like it wants to be a poem, not prose.
Kind of akin to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and Alice's Adventures through the Looking Glass and What She Found There but...
Those are told in third person so we can feel the craziness alongside her, without seeing her either take it all in stride, or descend into the madness that surrounds her. First person does not seem like the ideal way to tell this story.
The lack of any marks to point out dialogue also makes it both more dreamlike, but also choppier and harder to follow.
 

rvie

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Jun 10, 2025
Messages
18
Points
3
can you tell m
The formatting is ... odd. Feels like it wants to be a poem, not prose.
Kind of akin to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and Alice's Adventures through the Looking Glass and What She Found There but...
Those are told in third person so we can feel the craziness alongside her, without seeing her either take it all in stride, or descend into the madness that surrounds her. First person does not seem like the ideal way to tell this story.
The lack of any marks to point out dialogue also makes it both more dreamlike, but also choppier and harder to follow.
can you point out what you are talking about because, im very sorry that it kinda bit of a mess, i dont live in usa so my friend from the america is helping me create it.
 

rvie

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2025
Messages
18
Points
3
can you tell m
The formatting is ... odd. Feels like it wants to be a poem, not prose.
Kind of akin to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and Alice's Adventures through the Looking Glass and What She Found There but...
Those are told in third person so we can feel the craziness alongside her, without seeing her either take it all in stride, or descend into the madness that surrounds her. First person does not seem like the ideal way to tell this story.
The lack of any marks to point out dialogue also makes it both more dreamlike, but also choppier and harder to follow.
can you point out what you are talking about because, im very sorry that it kinda bit of a mess, i dont live in usa so my friend from the america is helping me create it.
Good for you.


I am sorry to hear that.
ah no you don't have to, they are translating my light novel as a english which i already have 200 chapters on arcadia and syotsetsu
 

CharlesEBrown

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The lines just end and then there's a blank space before the next one - even if a sentence is continuing.

And there are no "" or '' or <> marks around dialogue to denote that it is dialogue, so everything just comes out like stream of consciousness narration,
 
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