Seeking feedback for my BL cultivation story!

[Nekohime19]

Hey! I'm fairly new here so I'm trying to understand how this work, lol I sound old ?. Anyway I would like some feedbacks on my BL cultivation story, I would be very grateful ?.

If you like a bickering couple and increasingly silly shenanginans you'll like this ! The story is about Lu Shoi Ming being fasly accused of poisoning and forced to escape his Sect, he later on meet the most annoying guy in the world (litteraly) and they're forced to travel together.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1634607/the-scumbags/

 

[Puji-Maki]

Junior, as much as I like reading cultivation scriptures, I don't read yang and yang dual cultivation.

 

[Nekohime19]

Junior, as much as I like reading cultivation scriptures, I don't read yang and yang dual cultivation.

It's okay, to each their own genre. Thanks for replying!

 

[Humanistheart]

What’s BL cultivation?

 

[Nekohime19]

What’s BL cultivation?

BL stand for boys love, in short it's for stories with a gay romance.

Cultivation is more of a genre in itself. It's what could be described as a Chinese fantasy genre that often takes place in world inspired by ancient China in which people get stronger through cultivation (you can see it as a sort of magic system). Those stories often features things like magic, demons, ghosts, sects of martial artists and much more of the Chinese mythology and folklore. The official word for the genre is Xianxia if you want to check, it's really cool.

 

[tiaf]

Hey! I'm fairly new here so I'm trying to understand how this work, lol I sound old ?.

You’re not old.

Anyway I would like some feedbacks on my BL cultivation story, I would be very grateful ?.

I skimmed a bit through chapter one. This was mainly a problem in the beginning part of chapter 1, but it was quite off putting for me.

Too many commas for the length of the entire sentence. The sentence length itself is ok, how you separated the parts is also ok, BUT only if you look at a single sentence. If you look at the whole paragraph, then it throws off the reading pace.

It would be alright if those partial sentences were connected with conjunctions, but they are not. It feels like I have to take a dramatic pause every 3-5 words. (It was mainly additional information about the speaking character that could’ve been omitted.)

It got so much better in the later part of chapter one. Still felt it took rather long until MC appeared.

 

[Nekohime19]

You’re not old.


I skimmed a bit through chapter one. This was mainly a problem in the beginning part of chapter 1, but it was quite off putting for me.

Too many commas for the length of the entire sentence. The sentence length itself is ok, how you separated the parts is also ok, BUT only if you look at a single sentence. If you look at the whole paragraph, then it throws off the reading pace.

It would be alright if those partial sentences were connected with conjunctions, but they are not. It feels like I have to take a dramatic pause every 3-5 words. (It was mainly additional information about the speaking character that could’ve been omitted.)

It got so much better in the later part of chapter one. Still felt it took rather long until MC appeared.

Thank you for the feedback! I'll look into that to make the chap easier to read and not so overwhelming.

 

[Humanistheart]

BL stand for boys love, in short it's for stories with a gay romance.

Cultivation is more of a genre in itself. It's what could be described as a Chinese fantasy genre that often takes place in world inspired by ancient China in which people get stronger through cultivation (you can see it as a sort of magic system). Those stories often features things like magic, demons, ghosts, sects of martial artists and much more of the Chinese mythology and folklore. The official word for the genre is Xianxia if you want to check, it's really cool.

Oh, thanks for explaining that. I've seen the boys/girls love tag here and had wondered what it meant. Still not sure about the cultivation. Like, how one cultivates plants? Sorry, probably an annoying question.

 

[Nekohime19]

Oh, thanks for explaining that. I've seen the boys/girls love tag here and had wondered what it meant. Still not sure about the cultivation. Like, how one cultivates plants? Sorry, probably an annoying question.

Oh no don't worry I don't mind the question! Cultivation in this sense isn't about agriculture, but more about cultivating oneself to become stronger. At least that's the sense that cultivation take in these sort of stories. You can say people are cultivating themselves instead of plants lol.

 

[Humanistheart]

Oh no don't worry I don't mind the question! Cultivation in this sense isn't about agriculture, but more about cultivating oneself to become stronger. At least that's the sense that cultivation take in these sort of stories. You can say people are cultivating themselves instead of plants lol.

Thank you for your kindness and explanation! So, its like leveling up? Or working on oneself?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Thank you for your kindness and explanation! So, its like leveling up? Or working on oneself?

From what I've listened to of it, it is rooted in Taoist (with a side order of some flavors of Buddhism) philosophy, where the practitioner develops elements of themself to perfect the mind and body - sometimes together, sometimes independently.
In many ways it feels like a forerunner of LitRPG - but it's based on straight learning/mastery, not game mechanics.

 

[Nekohime19]

Thank you for your kindness and explanation! So, its like leveling up? Or working on oneself?

Yeah basically. Cultivation often goes hand in hand with martial art and swordmanship in these type of stories. If we want to be more precise about what cultivation is in those stories, it's often about learning to control "Qi", which is a sort of life energy that is everywhere, and the more you control that energy the stronger you'll become and the closer you'll get to immortality. Cultivation is a very fantasy-like concept, it's kind of like magic in a way. People who do cultivation, in those stories, are often called cultivators.

 

[Humanistheart]

From what I've listened to of it, it is rooted in Taoist (with a side order of some flavors of Buddhism) philosophy, where the practitioner develops elements of themself to perfect the mind and body - sometimes together, sometimes independently.
In many ways it feels like a forerunner of LitRPG - but it's based on straight learning/mastery, not game mechanics.

That’s so weird. Development is a bit contrary to Taoism. Yet anime does use it. I’m dating myself but it was a big thing in “outlaw star”. Have you ever read “the Tao of poo” by chance?

 

[CharlesEBrown]

That’s so weird. Development is a bit contrary to Taoism. Yet anime does use it. I’m dating myself but it was a big thing in “outlaw star”. Have you ever read “the Tao of poo” by chance?

Only a few excerpts, really. Mostly in an Eastern Religions class in the 80s. Maybe I had the formula backwards and it's mostly Buddhism flavored by Taoism.