Very Unfair Story Feedback Thread

[CharlesEBrown]

Sure man, I don’t think you’ll pass the novel title.

My novel

Maybe if you condensed it to "The Recuckening"?

 

[Gallahart]

Maybe if you condensed it to "The Recuckening"?

…genius.

 

[HisDivineShadow]

Chiyo was hugging Akio from behind, almost riding him, both were laughing without any worry.

I just don’t get it, did she literally jump on his back? Or?

 

[Gallahart]

I just don’t get it, did she literally jump on his back? Or?

Riding like a horse, man. Like a horse!

 

[LuciferVermillion]

Give me one.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/211234/the-impossible-fate-that-leads-to-a-god-of-a-new-world/

 

[ImmortalBard]

To be honest? I don't even know why I have a problem

"Roots of Power" should be, in all honestly, a great title, a great first hook. And the cover image is cool too!
But I don't feel like I wanna read this story at all for some weird reason. Perhaps Feng Shui?

I digress!

I stopped when the synopsis grammar is wrong

When Nemo woke to pain in his soul and whispers in his mind, he knew the truth: he had been cursed by the gods — tainted in the process known as rooting.

It's a very easy fix too, like... When Nemo woke up, he felt pain in his soul and whispers in his mind. The truth hit him: he was cursed by the gods...

Haha thanks for that. Maybe it is Feng Shui. However I don't think the grammar is wrong, it just sounds off for a moment. The reason I leave it like that is because it sounds "quicker" so to say.

But still thanks for replying and I wonder if audiobooks could be your thing?

 

[LuoirM]

Haha thanks for that. Maybe it is Feng Shui. However I don't think the grammar is wrong, it just sounds off for a moment. The reason I leave it like that is because it sounds "quicker" so to say.

But still thanks for replying and I wonder if audiobooks could be your thing?

I reread and I think you're correct, actually. The grammar isn't wrong, it's just very odd to read for the very first words.

Nah I never got along with audiobook, I tried listening to the bible but they're a bit too slow for my head

 

[ImmortalBard]

I reread and I think you're correct, actually. The grammar isn't wrong, it's just very odd to read for the very first words.

Nah I never got along with audiobook, I tried listening to the bible but they're a bit too slow for my head

Hahaha, ain't no way you tried to audiobook the bible. ???

When I struggle with traditional reading I like audiobooks, because I can do other stuff, like cleaning or commuting while still having your brain occupied.

But no joke why would you listen to the bible, looking at your username I would have found the Tao Te Ching more likely.

 

[LuoirM]

Hahaha, ain't no way you tried to audiobook the bible. ???

When I struggle with traditional reading I like audiobooks, because I can do other stuff, like cleaning or commuting while still having your brain occupied.

But no joke why would you listen to the bible, looking at your username I would have found the Tao Te Ching more likely.

Backwards a year or two ago, I was deep, deep into religions. I wanna study Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Islam... But I didn't have any money for the books and did not like reading online pdfs with a mouse at all, so I tried audio book, didn't work, kekw

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Backwards a year or two ago, I was deep, deep into religions. I wanna study Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism, Islam... But I didn't have any money for the books and did not like reading online pdfs with a mouse at all, so I tried audio book, didn't work, kekw

Best way to do that, IME, is a class - reading the books gives you a feel for the logic behind the religion and the stories that shaped it, but does not give you more than that, and will often be more confusing (sometimes intentionally so by the authors, sometimes just due to changes in language over time, sometimes due to multiple translations warring with each other)... Ideally a class that looks at it clinically from "outside" and not led by a true believer.

 

[sbdrag]

I reread and I think you're correct, actually. The grammar isn't wrong, it's just very odd to read for the very first words.

Nah I never got along with audiobook, I tried listening to the bible but they're a bit too slow for my head

I have ADHD, which comes with audio rentention issues, so while audiobooks help a lit of people with ADHD, I just... don't really remember anything ?

Bumping them up to 2x speed can help, but then I personally feel like I'm not appreciating the narrator's work enough so, c'est la vie lol

 

[SarahsBuzzard]

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1547361/fire-and-fools/

Feel free

 

[LuoirM]

Angelic Protection Unit: The Awakening

?️ APU: The Awakening Genre: Supernatural Thriller / Dark Fantasy / Coming-of-Age/ Horror In the haunted town of Hidden Valley, 15-year-old Gerren. Green’s life is already complicated. Trouble at school, a fractured family, and the growing weight of grief over his father's mysterious death...

www.scribblehub.com

I was taken aback because there was two colons in the title
APU: Angelic Protection Unit: The Awakening
I'd presonally format it as [APU] Angelic Pro... or just delete the APU.
I stopped reading when I see the MMC name. Otherwise, this seems like potential and can be one of the best work this site has to offer

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1547361/fire-and-fools/

Feel free

I'm willing to bet my asshole that the synopsis is written by ChatGPT lmao, the cover's ChatGPT too. Seriously dude, make some effort

 

[SarahsBuzzard]

So the cover is Chat GPT. I’m going to hire a real artist when I create an ebook. The image was created as a concept image / placeholder. There’s a lot of that on this site so I didn’t think that would be a problem.

You owe me one asshole regarding the synopsis though. I wrote that myself and had grammarly line edit it. Though I suppose its sentence structure suggestions could cross the line into AI territory. Might have to call the ref. I wrote a book back in 2021 before Chat GPT was a thing and self-published on KDP. I wrote the blurb for that market, not Scribblehub, which I know is a bit more informal. If you have suggestions to make it more personal, I’m all ears. I don’t want to make it too long because I want to grab people’s attention quick.

 

[LuoirM]

So the cover is Chat GPT. I’m going to hire a real artist when I create an ebook. The image was created as a concept image / placeholder. There’s a lot of that on this site so I didn’t think that would be a problem.

You owe me one asshole regarding the synopsis though. I wrote that myself and had grammarly line edit it. Though I suppose its sentence structure suggestions could cross the line into AI territory. Might have to call the ref. I wrote a book back in 2021 before Chat GPT was a thing and self-published on KDP. I wrote the blurb for that market, not Scribblehub, which I know is a bit more informal. If you have suggestions to make it more personal, I’m all ears. I don’t want to make it too long because I want to grab people’s attention quick.

Oh :< Okay

Come to Vietnam and you can have my asshole

 

[SarahsBuzzard]

Oh :< Okay

Come to Vietnam and you can have my asshole

I'd honestly love to go one day. The "Somebody Feed Phil" where he goes to Vietnam shows how delicious all your food is.

 

[DokForL]

Hey, you have reading issues too? Welcome to the club, pal. I mostly use 'Read Aloud' on chrome to read stories because of my ADHD and Dyslexia. Fun combo

Enough about me, here's my story. Enjoy not reading it, I guess?

Rise of the Ascended Warrior

 

[Aurimaz]

I only remember reading exactly one book in my life

Waitaminute...
Does that mean you will not remember my novel if you read it?
What's the point then?

 

[LuoirM]

Waitaminute...
Does that mean you will not remember my novel if you read it?
What's the point then?

If you can cater to my reading needs, then you're probably a writing god and can cater to normal people

Hey, you have reading issues too? Welcome to the club, pal. I mostly use 'Read Aloud' on chrome to read stories because of my ADHD and Dyslexia. Fun combo

Enough about me, here's my story. Enjoy not reading it, I guess?

Rise of the Ascended Warrior

Hell yeah brother I'll try that

 

[LuoirM]

Hey, you have reading issues too? Welcome to the club, pal. I mostly use 'Read Aloud' on chrome to read stories because of my ADHD and Dyslexia. Fun combo

Enough about me, here's my story. Enjoy not reading it, I guess?

Rise of the Ascended Warrior

I stopped at the first line of synopsis because it reads weird

You should not use two "is" and two "it" in the same line