Want feedbacks from an amateur?

[Yuin]

Dump your links here and I’ll give you a wonderful bs review! (With sincerity! Straight from the heart!)

(I’m an inexperienced, unprofessional author/reader so take my words lightly. I’m doing this for fun because I’m bored. Feel free to disagree with my opinions, I just want to see how people write their stories)

I have no requirements. I read everything and anything (but I’m more familiar with BL lol)

And you can roast mine: Dotage and Discretion

 

[yasa]

Here.
Be traumatized.

 

[Yuin]

Here.
Be traumatized.

Hi! I read your novel until chapter 5 and here’s my initial thoughts:

- the writing is easy to understand, I was able to skim through without losing track of the storyline (lowkey not my cup of tea and it’s already midnight for me so I’m abit tired)
- there’s a distinct writing style, repetitive vocabs and language, the uses of — (dash) as a form of note taking (observation)
- I’m not gonna comment on the storyline because umm tbh I get the context thru some guesses, the narration isn’t straightforward (maybe due to the lack of description writing like appearances and setting wise) or maybe I missed out those information
- still confuse who is who
- I like the philosophy here about how children reflects the nature of the world and you elaborate that into some demonic-human worldview
- lowkey I can see why a lot of people don’t proceed after chapter 1 and it’s because I feel that the info dumping is a bit monotonous and the demon king and concubine interaction doesn’t add value to anything eh but your chapter 1 was able to cover that (tho the transition is a bit rough)
- eh good story idea, can’t say much when my story is like so convoluted (literally opposite of yours)

 

[Rookieqw]

Thank you for your kind offer! I am currently rewriting one of my works from scratch, so ignore the number of readers. Any input is welcomed. Here it is: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/517935/duty-empty-dreams-and-trying-not-to-become-a-monster/

 

[Fairemont]

Another one enters reviewer status!

The Wandering Maiden's Travel Guide

 

[yasa]

lowkey not my cup of tea

Cool cool. My story is on the niche end, so I'm fine with the story not getting much viewers tbh.

still confuse who is who

Yeah, that's what I tried to fix for a few months now. Been trying to make things clearer without loosing too much of the supposed to be confusing stuff. Seems like I still have to work on that. Welp, on the next rewrite then.

I can see why a lot of people don’t proceed after chapter 1

Oh, that part. It's because I've inserted the chapter 1 in there about one month in and the chapter 2 was the original chapter 1, so the views drops then picks up again in chapter 2. Well, I'm not worried about it though.
Lastly, thanks for reading.

 

[Yuin]

Thank you for your kind offer! I am currently rewriting one of my works from scratch, so ignore the number of readers. Any input is welcomed. Here it is: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/517935/duty-empty-dreams-and-trying-not-to-become-a-monster/

Hi! I have read all your prologues and here’s my thoughts!

- GREAT USE OF DIALOGUES (lowkey I’m jealous because my dialogues are always so npc)
- this type of writing style helps to make the story more emotional and create a bond between the reader and the characters like what a cute family!
- the narration gives the characters more than just words describing their personalities and appearances
- the pacing is okay, especially for part 1
- Very unique names and places, maybe doing a guide will help to clear up some confusion.
- Nothing to say since it is way better than my writing, the storyline is great for all ages.
- maybe you should add on more for the synopsis like I feel there is a difference eh Great World building tho

 

[OokamiOkuri]

How do you do it so fast? It hasn't been an hour and you already finished most reviews. What sects are you from?

 

[Yuin]

How do you do it so fast? It hasn't been an hour and you already finished most reviews. What sects are you from?

Idk what kind of sects you mean but my half tired brain just make me read the informations faster yuh

View attachment 38488
Another one enters reviewer status!

The Wandering Maiden's Travel Guide

Hi! I have read your story until chapter 5 and here’s my thoughts:

- I was a bit confused about the setting of the story (thot it was taking place during modern times) until I read about the Great Xi’an empire. I feel that the synopsis and the cover kinda mislead me but it’s fine, the fault is on my part for being tired lol (I only read the synopsis, not the ‘what to expect’ part because it’s too long sorry)
- I agree with the comment section about the opening being weak and sudden. Maybe you should switch your part 2 around with the first part. I understand it is to establish the world building but it’s doesn’t add much value.
- I can tell you have insane story planning like wow your glossary has 20 characters’ names innit and idk how you keep track of them or whether they’re one time use but at least everyone is connected some way or another.
- I read some of your fighting scenes and I can totally see why a lot of readers are interested in your work. The scenes are cleanly written with clear storytelling that I am able to follow and visualise the movements of their kicks and punches!
- ngl the plot is moving very fast, but I guess that’s cultivation for you. I’m not experienced in that field on whether there is a need to make emotional connection but at least the action is very cool.
- Maybe you can improve the way you establish the setting. I feel like the synopsis could be better (like instead of internal monologue maybe describe the situation in 3 paragraphs) but overall the story is very well written and readable!
- the present tense kinda throw me off but I guess it works out fine as long as you’re constant with it!

 

[Hoshino]

Be confused-nya.

 

[Macha]

How do you do it so fast? It hasn't been an hour and you already finished most reviews. What sects are you from?

Carefully.

 

[Yuin]

Be confused-nya.

Hi! I have read all your chapters and here’s my thoughts:

- Very interesting concept! I was hooked by the synopsis, it was short, simple and straightforward.
- Your illustrations really help me to visualise how your character looks like. (Ngl the unravel song keep playing in my head when I was reading your work)
- the starting sentence and another sentence that wrote “I—Hoshino—“ kinda threw me off like it’s so funny. (Not saying it’s a bad thing but it makes the mc a bit self absorbed)
- The setting was okay, I was confuse but I got on track after you repeated it here and there yea
- Great writing style, you make it very easy for me to read sentence by sentence. Especially the system messages kinda remind me of ORV.
- I guess my only umm opinion is that the first person view make it hard for me to follow the situation happening to the mc (and the late introduction to the character’s appearance also) it wasn’t clear until I read the end of chapter 1, but overall it’s okay if the reader is willing to read until the end!
- idk I feel like prologue is more fragmented than chapter 1 I think chapter 1 helps the story to pick up the pace.
- if you want to improve, maybe works on prologue more and make it more complete? Idk but it’s fine if you leave it as it is.

 

[Fairemont]

Idk what kind of sects you mean but my half tired brain just make me read the informations faster yuh

Hi! I have read your story until chapter 5 and here’s my thoughts:

- I was a bit confused about the setting of the story (thot it was taking place during modern times) until I read about the Great Xi’an empire. I feel that the synopsis and the cover kinda mislead me but it’s fine, the fault is on my part for being tired lol (I only read the synopsis, not the ‘what to expect’ part because it’s too long sorry)
- I agree with the comment section about the opening being weak and sudden. Maybe you should switch your part 2 around with the first part. I understand it is to establish the world building but it’s doesn’t add much value.
- I can tell you have insane story planning like wow your glossary has 20 characters’ names innit and idk how you keep track of them or whether they’re one time use but at least everyone is connected some way or another.
- I read some of your fighting scenes and I can totally see why a lot of readers are interested in your work. The scenes are cleanly written with clear storytelling that I am able to follow and visualise the movements of their kicks and punches!
- ngl the plot is moving very fast, but I guess that’s cultivation for you. I’m not experienced in that field on whether there is a need to make emotional connection but at least the action is very cool.
- Maybe you can improve the way you establish the setting. I feel like the synopsis could be better (like instead of internal monologue maybe describe the situation in 3 paragraphs) but overall the story is very well written and readable!
- the present tense kinda throw me off but I guess it works out fine as long as you’re constant with it!

This is the first time anyone has told me I am going too fast. Lmao

 

[Yuin]

This is the first time anyone has told me I am going too fast. Lmao

Or maybe because I was reading fast

 

[Fairemont]

Or maybe because I was reading fast

Also, you should look at the actual glossary page. There's a handful more than 20 characters.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

If you get really bored (and aren't on a mobile) feel free to pick on any of the ones in my signature.

 

[Daisyberry]

Dump your links here and I’ll give you a wonderful bs review! (With sincerity! Straight from the heart!)

(I’m an inexperienced, unprofessional author/reader so take my words lightly. I’m doing this for fun because I’m bored. Feel free to disagree with my opinions, I just want to see how people write their stories)

Feedbacks take around 30 mins!

And you can roast mine: https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1161828/return-to-you-who-is-lost-bl/

Would appreciate any feedbackhttps://www.scribblehub.com/series/1582362/cultivators-guide-to-the-universe-xianxia-parody/

 

[K_Jira]

Currently trying to get as many opinion as possible, so if you're fine with BL, yes please

[QT] Loving an Alien Isn’t That Bad at All

 

[Yuin]

Would appreciate any feedbackhttps://www.scribblehub.com/series/1582362/cultivators-guide-to-the-universe-xianxia-parody/

Hi, I just woke up and started reading your work. Here’s my thoughts:
- ITS SO SILLY AHAHAH like the words wdym “yeet” “goddamn” “NTR” in the middle of serious formed sentences?? It really disrupts the flow of the setting with these modern words but if you’re heading for a comical type story (like a little unserious) then it’s fine. At first I was going to point that out as a negative feature but when I read the last paragraph, yep. Insane plot twist and “yeet” just sealed off the deal.
- the writing is okay, I thot it was dragging the whole annulment process too long but the last part just made me forgot what I wanna say
- my first impression of mc is that he’s way too nonchalant with sudden use of modern words but the last few paragraphs kinda explain it all
- what to say? The development of the story just shifted roughly, idk if that’s a good thing but at least I’m hooked.
- MC having random knowledge without knowing what are they (eh funny tho)
- conclusion: synopsis was short and simple but bland, chapter 1 was very unexpected and long, chapter 2 was shorter with a faster pace. Generally a fine work if it’s for the fun and entertainment. Just remember to write more about the description of the place and the MC yea, especially when he transmigrated into a new world of sorts based on my understanding

Currently trying to get as many opinion as possible, so if you're fine with BL, yes please

[QT] Loving an Alien Isn’t That Bad at All

Hi, I have read your novel until chapter 5. Here’s my thoughts:
- when I saw the cover, it really caught my eyes so good job!
- for the synopsis, when I saw Shen Yuan I thot it’s a SVSSS fan fic lol but it summarised the story pretty well.
- I don’t understand the title about alien eh maybe I missed that info somewhere
- the story is very straightforward, not convoluted with the info dump of the world buildings. Clean cut to the chase and I was able to fill in the gaps as I go along the story about the settings and characters.
- Great start and story idea, I will totally read this as fellow BL reader/writer.
- the plot is predictable, with the ML being like oh he isn’t what he is in the past ahh but that makes it interesting and set up a route for the MC to discover and help him to get out from his dark past! And also probably explain his distant and cold nature when he was older.
- love the two characters and the dialogues. I don’t think there’s any issue since you have already written it until chapter 60 like wow the dedication. I will continue this story at my own leisure. Thanks for this awesome work, author!

 

[K_Jira]

Hi, I have read your novel until chapter 5. Here’s my thoughts:
- when I saw the cover, it really caught my eyes so good job!
- for the synopsis, when I saw Shen Yuan I thot it’s a SVSSS fan fic lol but it summarised the story pretty well.
- I don’t understand the title about alien eh maybe I missed that info somewhere
- the story is very straightforward, not convoluted with the info dump of the world buildings. Clean cut to the chase and I was able to fill in the gaps as I go along the story about the settings and characters.
- Great start and story idea, I will totally read this as fellow BL reader/writer.
- the plot is predictable, with the ML being like oh he isn’t what he is in the past ahh but that makes it interesting and set up a route for the MC to discover and help him to get out from his dark past! And also probably explain his distant and cold nature when he was older.
- love the two characters and the dialogues. I don’t think there’s any issue since you have already written it until chapter 60 like wow the dedication. I will continue this story at my own leisure. Thanks for this awesome work, author!

Thanks for the feedback! Many people have said that my stories are predictable in a good way(?). At first I thought it was something to fix, but now, I kind of lean into it and just make it an enjoyable read rather than worrying about plot twists or predictability >< Will definitely check out your story too!