What do you think? I'm back, but with a few changes.

[amirhosseinb1]

The Last Legend: The Rise of Destiny

Aryan is a destiny born to fight against fate. In a world shaped by bloody battles, political intrigues, and hidden betrayals, he must walk a path intertwined with pain, unfulfilled love, and loss. From the fires of childhood to the battlefields, from a magical school to the heart of darkness,...

www.scribblehub.com

Based on a friend's suggestion, I changed the summary, and after a short break, I published the new chapter. Please share your thoughts with me.

 

[AncestorDuck]

Bro, do you really want a review? I feel like you're actually joking around. It still reeks of LLM.

 

[amirhosseinb1]

Bro, do you really want a review? I feel like you're actually joking around. It still reeks of LLM.

You know I don't like it when people talk to me in a roundabout way, so please be more clear. Thanks.
Unfortunately, there's no one to translate for me, so I'm using AI, which is really a problem. I'm so sorry.

 

[AncestorDuck]

You need to use the right prombts. I only read your synopsis, but I already knew it was written/translated by LLM/ChatGPT. Thats a real problem. On what level is your english? Ever tried DeepL?

 

[amirhosseinb1]

You need to use the right prombts. I only read your synopsis, but I already knew it was written/translated by LLM/ChatGPT. Thats a real problem. On what level is your english? Ever tried DeepL?

My language level is enough to get by, that's it. You know, I have university entrance exams in about two months, so I don't have much time, and that bothers me. I can't work on my novel, nor my studies.

You need to use the right prombts. I only read your synopsis, but I already knew it was written/translated by LLM/ChatGPT. Thats a real problem. On what level is your english? Ever tried DeepL?

You know my native language is Persian, and unfortunately, DeepL does not support Persian.

 

[StoneInky]

Yeah, I already saw this novel before. But looking at the synopsis, it looks like there was progress. At least now it tells me it's going to be a school life fic. Or so I assume. That's what the synopsis tells me, anyway.

I have the same advice as before; break up bigger paragraphs, and especially give dialogue it's own paragraph. Try to be specific, not generic. And lastly, since it's a school fic, introduce that aspect quickly in the novel. Make it clear this novel is about a dude at school, and don't fixtate on the childhood and family bits.

Since now I know your novel is not a saga, you should take out the birthing chapters and turn it into a prologue. Right now it feels like a grand fantasy adventure, not a dark mystery romance school life fic. Instead start out at when the MC first starts to get involved with, and interact with, the plot. That's what I mean by not fixtating on borinf family bits.

 

[amirhosseinb1]

You need to use the right prombts. I only read your synopsis, but I already knew it was written/translated by LLM/ChatGPT. Thats a real problem. On what level is your english? Ever tried DeepL?

Yeah, I already saw this novel before. But looking at the synopsis, it looks like there was progress. At least now it tells me it's going to be a school life fic. Or so I assume. That's what the synopsis tells me, anyway.

I have the same advice as before; break up bigger paragraphs, and especially give dialogue it's own paragraph. Try to be specific, not generic. And lastly, since it's a school fic, introduce that aspect quickly in the novel. Make it clear this novel is about a dude at school, and don't fixtate on the childhood and family bits.

Since now I know your novel is not a saga, you should take out the birthing chapters and turn it into a prologue. Right now it feels like a grand fantasy adventure, not a dark mystery romance school life fic. Instead start out at when the MC first starts to get involved with, and interact with, the plot. That's what I mean by not fixtating on borinf family bits.

Thanks, but you know, school is only a part. As I said before, the novel is designed in three volumes and school is only a small part, but thanks again for the advice
You know, in short, I was trying to give value to school, but I'd say the school story isn't a romantic one, but that love will be revealed later, and I'd say the epic is on its way.

 

[StoneInky]

Thanks, but you know, school is only a part. As I said before, the novel is designed in three volumes and school is only a small part, but thanks again for the advice
You know, in short, I was trying to give value to school, but I'd say the school story isn't a romantic one, but that love will be revealed later, and I'd say the epic is on its way.

...Okay, this is a bigger problem, then. Your readers have the wrong expectations.

If school is a small part, if it isn't the majority or the genre of the novel, then you should not mark the novel 'School Life' genre. Same with romance. Instead, replace with tags, like the 'Romantic Subplot' tag, or a school based tag. And explain this in the synopsis; your story is not focused on a guy at school. It's about a guy named Arian learning about the fantasy world and going on adventures with his teacher. Or whatever else the plot might be.

The genre and synopsis tells what the entire novel is focused on. You want to tell that to your readers quick, so they know what your story is about, without being confused.

The problem with the beginning of your novel is also about expectations. It looks like the king is the protagonist, it starts off with him, and it looks like a dark, medival family war novel. But it's not. Then don't pretend it is.

Turn that chapter into the prologue, and start chapter one with Arian, seven years later after the event with the king. Then readers will have the right expectations and will not be confused. And readers who like what you provide, will stay.

 

[amirhosseinb1]

...Okay, this is a bigger problem, then. Your readers have the wrong expectations.

If school is a small part, if it isn't the majority or the genre of the novel, then you should not mark the novel 'School Life' genre. Same with romance. Instead, replace with tags, like the 'Romantic Subplot' tag, or a school based tag. And explain this in the synopsis; your story is not focused on a guy at school. It's about a guy named Arian learning about the fantasy world and going on adventures with his teacher. Or whatever else the plot might be.

The genre and synopsis is what the entire novel is focused on. You want to tell that to your readers quick, so they know what your story is about, without being confused.

The problem with the beginning of your novel is also about expectations. It looks like the king is the protagonist, it starts off with him, and it looks like a dark, medival family war novel. But it's not. Then don't pretend it is.

Turn that chapter into the prologue, and start chapter one with Arian, seven years later after the event with the king. Then readers will have the right expectations and will not be confused. And readers who like what you provide, will stay.

ok

 

[Daydreamers]

My language level is enough to get by, that's it. You know, I have university entrance exams in about two months, so I don't have much time, and that bothers me. I can't work on my novel, nor my studies.

Following a passion is cool, but not at the expense of your future
Focus on your studies

 

[amirhosseinb1]

Following a passion is cool, but not at the expense of your future
Focus on your studies

Thank you

 

[amirhosseinb1]

Please read the last chapters and give me your opinion