Dialogue and paragraph passage thingie

[Adonalsium-Will-Remember-Ou]

Whats a good way to do dialogue in an situation that can be considered extreme?
Also how can i make passage through paragraphs more seamless? Currently the way it is in my novel the way it goes from one paragraph to the other feels abrupt

 

[Deleted member 192215]

Here is My Example for it. Although it is a super short story.

 

[soupsabaw]

I try to stay away from doing dialogue in serious and/or extreme situations simply because I don't want it to kill the mood and I'm too afraid of it coming across as corny or something. Not that you can't do it at all, but it's something that I try to keep only as heavy descriptions with minimal dialogue if I can.

You could surround dialogue by sliding it in around the actions of that character but be careful not to break any story flow. I stay away from it because it's kind of tricky to do. Especially for me since I mainly write romance, not action.

If it is an extreme emotional scene, I tend to add more inner dialogue than anything said out loud. Feelings and emotions too. Like, a pain in someone's gut or a warm feeling engulfing their body from embarrassment. Things like that. If you want to add dialogue, you can always add inner thoughts of them taking note of how they feel as well, or them speaking in a certain way. Use words that help give the correct atmosphere to the air, like if two people are very close to one another they speak in breathless whispers.

I fear I'm a strong romance writer, so that's my first example.

Fighting scenes, you can use things like scratchy throats, raspy tones, prideful voices, etc. Just use connection and describing words that fit the context of the situation, and it should be all good.

 

[Adonalsium-Will-Remember-Ou]

I try to stay away from doing dialogue in serious and/or extreme situations simply because I don't want it to kill the mood and I'm too afraid of it coming across as corny or something. Not that you can't do it at all, but it's something that I try to keep only as heavy descriptions with minimal dialogue if I can.

You could surround dialogue by sliding it in around the actions of that character but be careful not to break any story flow. I stay away from it because it's kind of tricky to do. Especially for me since I mainly write romance, not action.

If it is an extreme emotional scene, I tend to add more inner dialogue than anything said out loud. Feelings and emotions too. Like, a pain in someone's gut or a warm feeling engulfing their body from embarrassment. Things like that. If you want to add dialogue, you can always add inner thoughts of them taking note of how they feel as well, or them speaking in a certain way. Use words that help give the correct atmosphere to the air, like if two people are very close to one another they speak in breathless whispers.

I fear I'm a strong romance writer, so that's my first example.

Fighting scenes, you can use things like scratchy throats, raspy tones, prideful voices, etc. Just use connection and describing words that fit the context of the situation, and it should be all good.

Understood what you meant after thinking about it for a while
Went with characters cutting each other off because logically it doesnt need more than a few words and its urgent enough to react immediately in this world.
You seem like a experienced writer can you tell me your opinions about the following paragraph?
“What happened? Why were all of you running, why di-“ But before he could ask about the history lesson one of the students, Aria, interrupted.She blurted out the words in a rush, her tone trembling. “The grains Jonah. Its insi…” was all Jonah needed to hear. He darted towards the vault, forgetting his exhaustion. (…)

Also how can i make the paragraphs more connected with each other in a word way? Currently the jump feels abrupt like going from one chapter to the other how can i fix that

Here is My Example for it. Although it is a super short story.

Fun read but dont think that would fit in this specific circumstance

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Not completely sure what you're asking but here's an example of one of my attempts:

A bolt of flame shot forth from his eyes and erupted into a ball of blistering heat against my skin.
I pushed him away and dove behind a display case. Lynn and Dina had also sought cover.
“He shoots fireballs!?” Lynn called out in shock.
Dina, from just outside of the room, called out to me: “Can you shoot fireballs?”
The creature calling itself Demonblade laughed and ran out of the room, into the main hall. “No, I cannot – can you?”
“Hey, I am not the blue-skinned shape-shifter who can juggle trucks, am I?”
“Good point…”
“Maybe if we go after him from three different directions, we can catch him off guard?” Lynn offered.
“Better plan than we had,” Dina replied. “On the count of three we spread out and try to box him in?”
“Agreed.”
“One… two… three…”
We all moved in different directions, each heading to where we expected to find him – right in the center of his collection.

Just keep the dialogue moving as quickly as the action and you should be fine there.

 

[Deleted member 192215]

Not completely sure what you're asking but here's an example of one of my attempts:

Just keep the dialogue moving as quickly as the action and you should be fine there.

Uhh... Yapping method, you mean?

 

[Adonalsium-Will-Remember-Ou]

Not completely sure what you're asking but here's an example of one of my attempts:

Just keep the dialogue moving as quickly as the action and you should be fine there.

Problem is theres basically no action ig theres some tension that felt like it would break if a long dialogue was made
So i just cut the dialogue sounds way better that way and as a plus i dont have to deal with dialogue for now
Whats that dislogue from btw seems interesting

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Well, I pattern it more after comic books and movies - Dramatic Yapping...
I suppose a better example would be ... well, almost anything by playwright/director David Mamet (especially his movies), or, for more drama/less action, the more recent television work of Amy Paladino.

 

[Deleted member 192215]

Well, I pattern it more after comic books and movies - Dramatic Yapping...
I suppose a better example would be ... well, almost anything by playwright/director David Mamet (especially his movies), or, for more drama/less action, the more recent television work of Amy Paladino.

Go with Genshin Impact character dialogue for the yapping ?

It would take years before it finishes off the first dialogue.

Spoiler: Sorry

I can't help it!

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Problem is theres basically no action ig theres some tension that felt like it would break if a long dialogue was made
So i just cut the dialogue sounds way better that way and as a plus i dont have to deal with dialogue for now
What's that dialogue from btw seems interesting

A story that's been sitting idle on Royal Road since ... November, and just started here.

(Ah - the last entry on my signature line; forgot I had to manually add it, been so long since I started something else)

 

[TheIcMan]

Whats a good way to do dialogue in an situation that can be considered extreme?
Also how can i make passage through paragraphs more seamless? Currently the way it is in my novel the way it goes from one paragraph to the other feels abrupt

Share example you have pls

 

[soupsabaw]

Understood what you meant after thinking about it for a while
Went with characters cutting each other off because logically it doesnt need more than a few words and its urgent enough to react immediately in this world.
You seem like a experienced writer can you tell me your opinions about the following paragraph?
“What happened? Why were all of you running, why di-“ But before he could ask about the history lesson one of the students, Aria, interrupted.She blurted out the words in a rush, her tone trembling. “The grains Jonah. Its insi…” was all Jonah needed to hear. He darted towards the vault, forgetting his exhaustion. (…)

Also how can i make the paragraphs more connected with each other in a word way? Currently the jump feels abrupt like going from one chapter to the other how can i fix that

Fun read but dont think that would fit in this specific circumstance

Most people separate lines between a different character speaking. Your work here isn't bad, but I do sense a bit of a choppy feeling to the flow. Personally, I would switch Aria's line to its own line. It adds an easier read for readers by letting it be known it's a different speaker than the previous line. Then when and if you switch back to Jonah, do another line for him. You don't necessarily have to have dialogue to start a new line either but can use the actions of the characters speaking before it. There are a few ways you could format it:

“What happened? Why were all of you running, why di-“

Aria suddenly blurted in a tone trembling: “The grains Jonah. Its insi…” That moment, Jonah knew; he understood. He darted towards the vault, forgetting his exhaustion. (…)

“What happened?" Jonah quickly asked. "Why were all of you running, why di-“

“The grains Jonah. Its insi…” Aria stammered, cutting Jonah off. Realization hit. Jonah darted towards the vault, forgetting his exhaustion. (…)

The way your characters speak can also add emotions, like Aria's blurting. You could add a stammer to her words to show being hurried. Or Jonah's speed in speaking for his urgency and confusion. If you're using dialogue during scenes like these, I feel as if tone is very important to emphasis the feeling of the situation. I would add more to show you the type of detail you could add that could speak more on the weight of the situation, but it's not my story; I wouldn't know what to add.

Of course, this all depends on your writing style as well. Make sure it fits the voice you've chosen for the story.

The "history lesson" line is probably unnecessary. In an abrupt scene like this, the detailed line is a bit out of place in my opinion. It adds more to read when it's not really relevant to what's going down.

 

[Adonalsium-Will-Remember-Ou]

Share example you have pls

Example about the dialogue or rhe passage thingie? If you mean the dialogue the example is in this thread if you mean passage its basically this: “(…)
Jonah often fell into deep thought -wondering what could have been- on a table in the corner of the archives while listening to the globe and reading the journals or books his father gave him. But unfortunately the world infested with grains is what he got.



Johannes’ latests gift to his son was a set of pictures he found in an old library. (…) “
It feels off for some reason, going from paragraph one to two. I also feel like ill face this issue in the future so might aswell understand why it happens to fix it

Most people separate lines between a different character speaking. Your work here isn't bad, but I do sense a bit of a choppy feeling to the flow. Personally, I would switch Aria's line to its own line. It adds an easier read for readers by letting it be known it's a different speaker than the previous line. Then when and if you switch back to Jonah, do another line for him. You don't necessarily have to have dialogue to start a new line either but can use the actions of the characters speaking before it. There are a few ways you could format it:




The way your characters speak can also add emotions, like Aria's blurting. You could add a stammer to her words to show being hurried. Or Jonah's speed in speaking for his urgency and confusion. If you're using dialogue during scenes like these, I feel as if tone is very important to emphasis the feeling of the situation. I would add more to show you the type of detail you could add that could speak more on the weight of the situation, but it's not my story; I wouldn't know what to add.

Of course, this all depends on your writing style as well. Make sure it fits the voice you've chosen for the story.

The "history lesson" line is probably unnecessary. In an abrupt scene like this, the detailed line is a bit out of place in my opinion. It adds more to read when it's not really relevant to what's going down.

History lessons were meant to be one of the constants in a world continuously changing. I wanted to mention it in chapter 1 but unfortunately was unable to do so. Might have to remove it entirely since im not sure if flashbacks to jonah’s childhood in the bunker would work.
Btw the way you did it is amazing. Just putting the lines apart made the dialogue into a true dialogue spoken in real time. Ill keep how you did it in mind ty
Also can something like this work to show the characters speaking quickly? “What happened?Whywereallofyou running, why di-“ or does that read too much like a madman

 

[AmbreaTaddy]

I personaly do it that way :

The monster screamed in pain and flung his long tail at Thomas, hitting him in the stomach and sending him to crash into a nearby tree. But the man got up immediately, his breathing ragged but overall alright thanks to the two gods’ power.

“Never heard of bulletproof vest, fucker ?”

He flapped his wings again, chanting another spell that sprouted spikes off the ground, impaling the monster who shrieked in terror and agony.

And when people cut each others off it's like this :

[...]All the others can go fuck off !’

And he took a step forward, shoving the twins apart as if they were mere blades of grass, walking towards the knight who was standing in front of the beast, ready to fight.

“I told you to stay back ! I will…”

But Simon couldn’t finish. Earlier, he had seen a mysterious man[...]

 

[soupsabaw]

Example about the dialogue or rhe passage thingie? If you mean the dialogue the example is in this thread if you mean passage its basically this: “(…)
Jonah often fell into deep thought -wondering what could have been- on a table in the corner of the archives while listening to the globe and reading the journals or books his father gave him. But unfortunately the world infested with grains is what he got.



Johannes’ latests gift to his son was a set of pictures he found in an old library. (…) “
It feels off for some reason, going from paragraph one to two. I also feel like ill face this issue in the future so might aswell understand why it happens to fix it

History lessons were meant to be one of the constants in a world continuously changing. I wanted to mention it in chapter 1 but unfortunately was unable to do so. Might have to remove it entirely since im not sure if flashbacks to jonah’s childhood in the bunker would work.
Btw the way you did it is amazing. Just putting the lines apart made the dialogue into a true dialogue spoken in real time. Ill keep how you did it in mind ty
Also can something like this work to show the characters speaking quickly? “What happened?Whywereallofyou running, why di-“ or does that read too much like a madman

I see, that's an interesting concept for the history lessons! I hope you're able to work it into the story, even if it happens to be later on.

Ah, that's a bit like doing phonetic spelling if you want to think about it that way: writing character dialogue directly how it's said. I have a character who has an accent where he speaks very quickly so he says shortened versions of words and/or cuts out words he doesn't particularly find necessary to use in a sentence to convey his meaning. So, if you want to go that route, it would be fine. It could be seen as phonetic spelling, but I don't tend to see not-spacing words out very often with phonetic spelling to represent quick speaking. People typically do either:

"What happened? Why were all of you running, why di-“ he said very quickly, his words resulting in more of a jumble than actual words

His words were swift, mashing together in a way that was hardly coherent as he said, “What happened? Why were all of you running, why di-"

In this specific case, a nice description of it works perfectly fine and won't confuse anybody from trying to figure out what you're saying. Especially since there are a lot of words that can be put together and come out with two or more different ways to split it up. If you're on twitter, "whoremembers" is going around. Whore members or who remembers? There's a chance you can run into that if you go that route.

 

[Adonalsium-Will-Remember-Ou]

I see, that's an interesting concept for the history lessons! I hope you're able to work it into the story, even if it happens to be later on.

Ah, that's a bit like doing phonetic spelling if you want to think about it that way: writing character dialogue directly how it's said. I have a character who has an accent where he speaks very quickly so he says shortened versions of words and/or cuts out words he doesn't particularly find necessary to use in a sentence to convey his meaning. So, if you want to go that route, it would be fine. It could be seen as phonetic spelling, but I don't tend to see not-spacing words out very often with phonetic spelling to represent quick speaking. People typically do either:




In this specific case, a nice description of it works perfectly fine and won't confuse anybody from trying to figure out what you're saying. Especially since there are a lot of words that can be put together and come out with two or more different ways to split it up. If you're on twitter, "whoremembers" is going around. Whore members or who remembers? There's a chance you can run into that if you go that route.

Gotcha ill just go with a mix of two depending on the situation then and hope i dont make a mistake like whoremembers
(…)
“What happened?Whywereallofyou running, why di-“

“The grains Jonah.” Aria suddenly blurted with a trembling tone, cutting Jonah off. “Its insi…”

That was all he needed to hear to spring into action. He darted towards the vault, forgetting his exhaustion. (…)

Anyways after advancing for a while the flow lead me to another dialogue spot and this one seems even more harder to figure out. Fun

 

[Adonalsium-Will-Remember-Ou]

Random question should i let a few chapters stack so i can release them on a specified time or should i release them whenever they come out so i can get feedback since this is the first novel thingie im writing

 

[soupsabaw]

Gotcha ill just go with a mix of two depending on the situation then and hope i dont make a mistake like whoremembers
(…)
“What happened?Whywereallofyou running, why di-“

“The grains Jonah.” Aria suddenly blurted with a trembling tone, cutting Jonah off. “Its insi…”

That was all he needed to hear to spring into action. He darted towards the vault, forgetting his exhaustion. (…)

Anyways after advancing for a while the flow lead me to another dialogue spot and this one seems even more harder to figure out. Fun

Lmk if you need more help! I'm not the greatest writer of all time and don't think I'm super good or anything, but a second pair of eyes looking at your work will always be able to spot what you can't. Your brain tricks you and makes you think what you wrote is actually what you wrote and won't catch some mistakes. I can always offer my discord or something so it's easier to talk too

 

[Deleted member 84247]

A paragraph should express an idea, and then another paragraph should express the next idea, often a continuation of the previous idea. If one character is performing actions and dialogue you can have it as one paragraph. Some people separate dialogue into its own paragraph.

If you're describing something the same thing applies. Just one idea. In this case, the idea could be the room, the person, etc. You don't want to describe a room and a person in the same paragraph.

I can easily make examples, but I'm lazy. Plus, I've made examples many times on the forums and in my stories.

 

[Adonalsium-Will-Remember-Ou]

Lmk if you need more help! I'm not the greatest writer of all time and don't think I'm super good or anything, but a second pair of eyes looking at your work will always be able to spot what you can't. Your brain tricks you and makes you think what you wrote is actually what you wrote and won't catch some mistakes. I can always offer my discord or something so it's easier to talk too

Ty for the help btw what do you mean by your brain tricks you and makes you think what you wrote is actually what you wrote

A paragraph should express an idea, and then another paragraph should express the next idea, often a continuation of the previous idea. If one character is performing actions and dialogue you can have it as one paragraph. Some people separate dialogue into its own paragraph.

If you're describing something the same thing applies. Just one idea. In this case, the idea could be the room, the person, etc. You don't want to describe a room and a person in the same paragraph.

I can easily make examples, but I'm lazy. Plus, I've made examples many times on the forums and in my stories.

Ty good advice