My Fitness Series- Need Feedback
- Thread starter char2000
- Start date
Good day to you. Before we continue, please bear in mind that I am still a very bad writer and have much to learn. Take my words with a grain... a bag of sand.I have already written several installments, but I consider them short stories for now.https://www.scribblehub.com/read/1495077-a-friendly-encounter-at-the-gym/chapter/1495082/
Consider finding a way not to start most sentences with an "I" or with too many similar words. It creates monotony.I shaved the last patch off and looked in the mirror. “Nice.” I smiled. Bald! I flexed my buff biceps ready to exercise!
I stepped out of the bathroom and into the gym.
I removed my biker shorts and trotted to the dumbbells. There’s nothing like being in my panties. I didn’t care if anyone stared. I had to be comfy while I exercised.
Sorry, this is not a realistic exchange, IMO. Jessie would have tried to avoid Clare, because who starts a conversation like that? On the other hand, good job fooling me with the MC's gender reveal.“I’m Clare.” I smiled.
“Jessie.”
“I just shaved my head in the bathroom.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Had long gorgeous blond hair and I shaved it all off.”
“Why?”
“I just wanted a change. Besides, I like the bald look.”
“So, you brought a razor and shaved your head in this gym?”
“Yeah, crazy, right?”
“Well, I’d imagine you’re not the first person who has done that.”
“Yeah… men…”
“So, do you usually exercise in your underwear?”
“I went through a shitty experience, so I thought I’d make changes.”
It should be " Pardon me"“Pardon mre for asking, but do you have someone in your life?”