Anyone interested in being the Beta-Reader for my story

[Zenomew]

Hey everyone! I'm searching for brave souls willing to beta-read my fantasy adventure novel.

I'm specifically looking for feedback on pacing, character interactions, and overall story flow—no need for detailed grammar corrections unless something really stands out. The story has a light, casual tone with plenty of humor and action.

Here's the link

I am the Hero (NOT) - Ch 1 beginning after the end | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

If you enjoy dialogue-driven stories with unique character dynamics, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Let me know if you're interested, and I can share the first few chapters.

Thanks in advance!


Warning: May be hazardous to your health, especially for English majors. Side effects include excessive eye twitching, questioning the existence of grammar and an overwhelming desire to hit me with a dictionary

 

[Zenomew]

Anyone?

 

[Justhetip...]

Hey everyone! I'm searching for brave souls willing to beta-read my fantasy adventure novel.

I'm specifically looking for feedback on pacing, character interactions, and overall story flow—no need for detailed grammar corrections unless something really stands out. The story has a light, casual tone with plenty of humor and action.

Here's the link

I am the Hero (NOT) - Ch 1 beginning after the end | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

If you enjoy dialogue-driven stories with unique character dynamics, I’d love to hear your thoughts! Let me know if you're interested, and I can share the first few chapters.

Thanks in advance!


Warning: May be hazardous to your health, especially for English majors. Side effects include excessive eye twitching, questioning the existence of grammar and an overwhelming desire to hit me with a dictionary

I'll read it, but do note that the feedback you get is from the perspective of an average reader, I'm not much of a critic.

 

[Zenomew]

I am more than happy to have someone willing to even read it

 

[Justhetip...]

I am more than happy to have someone willing to even read it

Sorry for the delay, was busy yesterday.


Note, I'll say it once again, this is feedback is subjective and biased.

First of all, just know that it was actually very fun to read, especially Fiona's POV, I like her dorky, chaotic personality.

The writing itself, save for the rare grammatical error or misplaced punctuation is quite smooth and immersive, but I suggest you use spell checkers so there won't be any mistakes before you post.

To be honest, I think the reason why it isn't getting the attention it deserves is your synopsis. It doesn't say much about our protagonist, Fiona, who definitely isn't generic, and I think readers will fall in love with. Your synopsis is somewhat vague and might look like another generic hero and demon king novel to the average reader.

As for Cyrus, I think you should have described his mannerisms and facial expressions more, because from what I know, mute people have richer expressions since they have it harder to convey their intentions as they can't speak, you could also put his lines in italics. Italics is fitting in that while it conveys his words, it also shows that he's not speaking as opposed to the apostrophes that indicates vocal speech.

You also didn't give a convincing reason why they should go after the ogre, as the logical thing to do would be that they should wait for reinforcements, besides, if anyone was to go, it would be the adults, this part feels like a forced plot to push progression.

The part where Fiona's thoughts suddenly slurred and jumbled about in a confused mess was quite fun to read, and I don't think you needed to add a warning for the drunken speech, as it would have been a pleasant surprise when the reader reaches that parts and with enough foreshadowing, they can surmise that it's a result of Vosla intoxication.

I felt peeved at the part where Cyrus was suddenly attacked by Valthus to "test" him, it was just wrong all over, especially as Fiona's reaction to her friend getting crippled was somewhat lukewarm.

Yes, she blasted Valthus with flames, but after that? It was as if nothing happened, and she simply carried Cyrus together with Feya. There should have been at least a bit of a confrontation, and even distrust or a bit of a greater hostility towards Valthus. They could have even demanded an explanation as to why he did that. It might be Valthus's chaotic persona, or maybe he's run mad from the isolation, but for a Hero's Companion, the way he handled things felt sloppy. The emotional effects of that scene was really downplayed.

You didn't indicate how Feya knows sign language, as there was no difficulty in communicating with Cyrus. I don't think it's something she should know, and if she does, and it's not something you just brushed over, I think you should have at least given a bit of a background, at least there's part with her POV, your chance is there.

And also, the last two chapters felt rushed and felt messy, especially the abrupt POV shift in the last one to the Orak and Cambion.

Overall, it's a good novel, keep up the good work. ?

 

[StoneInky]

I'll read it!

First impressions:

The cover put me off for a sec. I thought it was depicting three harem member girls at the front, and the protagonist knight at the back, and I expected something completely different. Thankfully the synopsis and tags clarified that right up, but I think some passing by readers might get confused when they first see the novel on Scribblehub, since you only see the cover and title on recommendations.

For the synopsis, I liked it when I read it, but again, it gave me the wrong expectations. I expected a story about a young human girl, who, after her childhood friend dies, decides to own up and become the hero to save the world. Not only did I not see any 'Humanoid Protagonist' tags that may have indicated the MC wasn't fully human, I also expected said hero's death to be discussed in a more serious and dark tone, since the synopsis's tone implied the story would go that way.

You'll want to address this in the beginning, so people know what to expect. Don't put cool sounding, serious quotes at the front, instead write in the wacky, silly tone you've used in the rest of the novel.


Thoughts on the story:

Firstly, before I start on the specific feedback you mentioned, this is a pet peeve of mine, but I hate it when people forget to use proper punctuation. It doesn't take long to correct. Just run the writing through Grammarly, or even just paste it on a doc file, and it'll fix itself right up.

Now for the specific stuff.

For the pacing, it was very quick and abrupt. I would have appreciated more descriptions and story details that let me know what's going on. A lot of what happens is not properly addressed, but instead rushed through, and that made me confused and unable to immerse themselves into the story.

For character interactions, you have a fun way of narrating, and you're great at writing dialogue. But I want to add that I am also peeved over everyone not reacting seriously to Cyrus getting injured. Not only were the party's reactions lazy and lukewarm, Cyrus was literally bleeding out and limping, yet the next section of the story, in the same chapter, abruptly jumps over to the village partying when they think Fiona is the hero. And later, it gets worse; Fiona and Feya leave Cyrus behind with Valthrus. The very guy that nearly killed him. It just didn't sit well with me.

That, and how Fiona and Feye immediately seem to click together, enough to entrust each other with their lives, but that might be just cuz I'm an extreme introvert.

Overall story flow wasn't bad either. I think chapter one and chapter two had the biggest problem; we went from suddenly having a new person in the party, and everyone acting light-hearted about it, to suddenly having Fiona seriously monologue over her new scary powers. There was zero buildup, and it didn't flow well. If I was a casual reader, I would have likely quit there, so you might want to flesh that part out some.

But except for that, I really liked how the comedy in the story flowed. It felt natural. My favorite part, I think, might be Princess Mirim fainting in the last chapter. I'm looking forward to more detail on her reaction when she finds out that her beloved hero is...not so perfect. Lmao.

Lastly, you didn't ask for my opinion on this, but I just want to add that your story could use a lot of clarification. For example, in the first chapter, I was wondering if Cyrus is said hero mentioned in the synopsis, because it wasn't spelled out to me. I didn't think of him as the Hero until I realized at chapter four, when Fiona called him that. Also, is he dead now, or not? The synopsis suggests he's dead, but I don't think he is?

Similar issues keep popping up throughout the story. I'll cite more examples— sign language, as Justthetip already said, would benefit from italics. I would also like having clarification on what a 'hero' actually is, and why Fiona believes she isn't a 'hero'. And on later chapters, we keep getting new characters, all with names, without much description or clarity, and it's too confusing. We don't really need to know the names of all the maids and servants in the palace. I would be happy with one or two.

Your story was still very enjoyable, though, and I especially love the wacky humor and narrative tone. Keep up the good work! :)