Give me feedback I DARE YOU!!!

HalueVeal

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2025
Messages
2
Points
3
An ordinary young man pulls a sword from a dragon’s chest and inherits its power. That’s it—that’s the premise of the story, nothing more.

 

DismaiNaim

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2024
Messages
186
Points
83
My opinion?

Your opening reads like a biographical with no conflict and no hook. After the view of the rocks (which isn't bad) but then drags into a whole family history
 

Alski

Stray cat
Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
1,357
Points
153
 

Tempokai

The Overworked One
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
1,396
Points
153
I read three chapters of your webnovel, and it was what I expected. You have all the right ingredients. A solid premise, a mythical dragon, a typical protagonist with potential. All are good. Your execution however, is so mind-numbingly bland that reading it feels like eating at a four-star diner at 1 AM. Not because it's actually good, but because it's the only damn thing open. It's just there, existing, providing sustenance in the most uninspired way possible.

On the surface, everything seems competent. The grammar is fine, the pacing is steady, and structurally, it doesn’t fall apart into a chaotic mess like most webnovels. But that’s just the surface, isn’t it? Once you actually look into the story, once you start asking why things happen, it all collapses like a house of sticks under the storm. The foundation is rotten, the emotional weight is nonexistent, and every "conflict" is a minor inconvenience at best. This isn’t storytelling—it’s an AI-generated slop of fantasy clichés slapped together with the enthusiasm of a night shift diner worker who stopped caring five years ago.

Your synopsis? Painfully dull. "Reluctant OP MC doing stuff." Wow, that’s it. That’s the hook. You didn't even bother to make it enticing. This is the most overused trope in web fiction, and you couldn’t even put an interesting spin on it. Not even a JP trope girl to at least make it marginally different. You could have gone the Eternal Fool Asley route—where the protagonist, despite being absurdly OP, actually feels things and has an arc—but no, I get Aldrous, the most passive, uninspired, unmotivated protagonist ever to gain godlike power.

And speaking of power, where’s the struggle? Where’s the arc? Where’s the actual reason to care about this guy? Sure, that's just a prologue arc, but even prologues can make the reader feel something. Sure, you have him get handed super strength, immortality, insane senses, and a legendary sword within minutes, and instead of freaking out, struggling, or even considering the consequences, he just walks off to play lumberjack and start punching trees for fun. Where’s the conflict? Where’s the tension? Where’s anything that makes this feel like an earned story instead of a tutorial level for an overleveled RPG character?

Because of that, the emotional gut punches that never land. You had so many opportunities to make Aldrous feel like a real person, to give him a real reason to embark on his journey, but every time, you chose the laziest, safest option possible. The dragon’s death? Cringe. It could’ve been devastating—a slow, tragic moment where MC realizes what he's done, sees the weight of this ancient being’s sacrifice—but no, you went for "Well, thanks for the sword, I guess. Bye." The mother’s death? Could’ve been a heart-wrenching catalyst that broke MC so hard it forced him to grow, but instead, you skipped over the entire tragedy and replaced it with a lukewarm, emotionless info dump. There’s no mourning, no breakdown, no regret. Just "Oh well, time to adventure. It's ADVENTURE TIME!!!" Cue my groan, reading it at 1AM.

Sure, if this was your own clunky, flawed writing, that would still be passable, but it’s not, is it? The ChatGPT fingerprints are everywhere, those short, clipped sentences, the ellipses-overloaded dialogue, the AI-patterned combat that’s too safe, too neatly structured, too sanitized to ever feel visceral. I don’t care if you use AI for editing—fine, whatever, but when 70% of your story reads like it was spoon-fed to you by an algorithm, and you didn't bother changing it? That’s not writing, this is outsourcing creativity to a machine and calling it a day without ever thinking about intent and how readers will see that obvious pattern.

So what I see after all of that? A hollow, pre-packaged, corporate-approved fantasy story that ticks all the right checkboxes without ever asking why those checkboxes exist in the first place. You had everything you needed to write something meaningful, but instead, you settled for "fine." And "fine" isn’t good. "Fine" is forgettable. "Fine" is what people read when there’s nothing else open at 1 AM.

Try harder.
 

So_Indecisive

Primordial sin of Sloth
Joined
Jun 9, 2022
Messages
227
Points
103
It was okay but personally the pacing felt too fast. There is no time to stop and speak. Just constant movement. I'd think you need to slow down the pace a bit
 

HalueVeal

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2025
Messages
2
Points
3
It was okay but personally the pacing felt too fast. There is no time to stop and speak. Just constant movement. I'd think you need to slow down the pace a bit
"I've written other novels before and tried to apply for a contract, but it was rejected. It was for a web novel, and they said the pacing was too slow and draggy. That's why, for this one, I wrote at a faster pace. I probably need to find a balance—not too fast, but not too slow and draggy either. Thanks for the feedback!"
My opinion?

Your opening reads like a biographical with no conflict and no hook. After the view of the rocks (which isn't bad) but then drags into a whole family history
It was supposed to be the intro for the main character, probably I should start with his encounter with the dragon. However, the reason it reads like a biography is because of the title—it's a memoir. The writing is meant to highlight the main character’s recollection of his memories and his journey as the Dragon Avatar. If you read through it, the family history is only covered in the intro of the first chapter—the rest focuses on his journey." Thanks for the feedback.
I read three chapters of your webnovel, and it was what I expected. You have all the right ingredients. A solid premise, a mythical dragon, a typical protagonist with potential. All are good. Your execution however, is so mind-numbingly bland that reading it feels like eating at a four-star diner at 1 AM. Not because it's actually good, but because it's the only damn thing open. It's just there, existing, providing sustenance in the most uninspired way possible.

On the surface, everything seems competent. The grammar is fine, the pacing is steady, and structurally, it doesn’t fall apart into a chaotic mess like most webnovels. But that’s just the surface, isn’t it? Once you actually look into the story, once you start asking why things happen, it all collapses like a house of sticks under the storm. The foundation is rotten, the emotional weight is nonexistent, and every "conflict" is a minor inconvenience at best. This isn’t storytelling—it’s an AI-generated slop of fantasy clichés slapped together with the enthusiasm of a night shift diner worker who stopped caring five years ago.

Your synopsis? Painfully dull. "Reluctant OP MC doing stuff." Wow, that’s it. That’s the hook. You didn't even bother to make it enticing. This is the most overused trope in web fiction, and you couldn’t even put an interesting spin on it. Not even a JP trope girl to at least make it marginally different. You could have gone the Eternal Fool Asley route—where the protagonist, despite being absurdly OP, actually feels things and has an arc—but no, I get Aldrous, the most passive, uninspired, unmotivated protagonist ever to gain godlike power.

And speaking of power, where’s the struggle? Where’s the arc? Where’s the actual reason to care about this guy? Sure, that's just a prologue arc, but even prologues can make the reader feel something. Sure, you have him get handed super strength, immortality, insane senses, and a legendary sword within minutes, and instead of freaking out, struggling, or even considering the consequences, he just walks off to play lumberjack and start punching trees for fun. Where’s the conflict? Where’s the tension? Where’s anything that makes this feel like an earned story instead of a tutorial level for an overleveled RPG character?

Because of that, the emotional gut punches that never land. You had so many opportunities to make Aldrous feel like a real person, to give him a real reason to embark on his journey, but every time, you chose the laziest, safest option possible. The dragon’s death? Cringe. It could’ve been devastating—a slow, tragic moment where MC realizes what he's done, sees the weight of this ancient being’s sacrifice—but no, you went for "Well, thanks for the sword, I guess. Bye." The mother’s death? Could’ve been a heart-wrenching catalyst that broke MC so hard it forced him to grow, but instead, you skipped over the entire tragedy and replaced it with a lukewarm, emotionless info dump. There’s no mourning, no breakdown, no regret. Just "Oh well, time to adventure. It's ADVENTURE TIME!!!" Cue my groan, reading it at 1AM.

Sure, if this was your own clunky, flawed writing, that would still be passable, but it’s not, is it? The ChatGPT fingerprints are everywhere, those short, clipped sentences, the ellipses-overloaded dialogue, the AI-patterned combat that’s too safe, too neatly structured, too sanitized to ever feel visceral. I don’t care if you use AI for editing—fine, whatever, but when 70% of your story reads like it was spoon-fed to you by an algorithm, and you didn't bother changing it? That’s not writing, this is outsourcing creativity to a machine and calling it a day without ever thinking about intent and how readers will see that obvious pattern.

So what I see after all of that? A hollow, pre-packaged, corporate-approved fantasy story that ticks all the right checkboxes without ever asking why those checkboxes exist in the first place. You had everything you needed to write something meaningful, but instead, you settled for "fine." And "fine" isn’t good. "Fine" is forgettable. "Fine" is what people read when there’s nothing else open at 1 AM.

Try harder.
Damn, that's harsh. Anyway, in terms of AI involvement, I do use it to fix my grammar, verbs, and all that, but saying it's 70% is a bit too much. Every sentence was written by me, and every idea was mine. If I had to rate AI involvement, it would be around 40%.

I was never a novel writer to begin with—I'm more of a comic writer. I'm good at drawing—very good. If you imagine my drawings as mediocre, you'd be wrong. Throughout my teenage years, I dedicated my time solely to drawing and painting. I understand perspective, human anatomy, environmental drawing, color gradients, and much more. I once drew a webcomic, but I just didn't have enough time to continue it.

I also tried getting more into digital art, using Clip Studio and Photoshop to create my artwork, but again, I didn’t have the time to pursue it.

I have a lot of ideas in my mind, and through writing, I want to present them to the world. In terms of language, I’m not a native English speaker, so I sometimes use AI to translate what I write.

You're right—the story is bland, the character is uninteresting, and the conflicts aren’t even there. Honestly, I was waiting for feedback just like yours. I’ve spent and wasted so much time on this—maybe I’m not suited to be a novel writer. Thank you very much for your honest feedback. It feels like I’ve been slapped back to reality.

Below is one of my comic ideas that I never materialized. I drew this more than 10 years ago. Can you provide feedback on it? I'm thinking of starting to draw again.
 

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