Would like some thoughts on my prologue

[Gryphon]

As several of you know, I've been working on a story that I hope will get traditionally published. However, I'm still a pretty inexperienced writer and would like to present the best possible version of a story to publishers. So I want some opinions on my prologue, and specifically a few details.

• I would like some critique on my prose. I want it to be readable for a mass audience, specifically an older teen/young adult demographic while also being dynamic enough to not make the reader bored.
• The prologue is an introduction to my stories main antagonist. I would like to know if I made him intimidating or menacing, either or hopefully both.
• It's also an introduction to the main concept of the story, I would like to know if everything came across well, or if I could work on it a bit better.

Thanks for anyone willing to give feedback.


Golden Eye Fighter prologue

 

[CharlesEBrown]

First overlong sentence has "strided" - I don't think that's a valid word; the active verb (I think that is the right word; also, past tense but I think it's active form here) form of "stride" is "strode." Present tense is "strides" if you want to make it more immediate.
"Shined" in the next sentence IS a real word, but I believe "shone" is more appropriate.
The second paragraph ... is a bet of a mess, impressive for two reasonably long sentences. I think I'll stop there for now.

 

[Gryphon]

First overlong sentence has "strided" - I don't think that's a valid word; the active verb (I think that is the right word; also, past tense but I think it's active form here) form of "stride" is "strode." Present tense is "strides" if you want to make it more immediate.
"Shined" in the next sentence IS a real word, but I believe "shone" is more appropriate.
The second paragraph ... is a bet of a mess, impressive for two reasonably long sentences. I think I'll stop there for now.

So shorten the sentences and fix up some past tense usage. Honestly, I've never heard or read the word "strode" before, so I wasn't even aware that was the past tense of stride.
Does this read better:

Walking down the orange colored corridor–the walls made from a type of sandstone only found in the Harestus Desert–the headmaster of Vis Stadium strode toward the meeting room. The stadium was built with an orange color theme in mind, hence the usage of the stones. To keep with the theme, lights shining a rusty glow painted the walls an even darker shade of orange.
This would be the second time he’d discuss with the stock council. Frankly, he’d rather them leave him to his own devices. Yet they called, so gather he must. If anything, the meeting will give him time to think about any or all future plans.

 

[Clo]

UK vs US English debate, likely. But Merriam-Webster has this to say:

The past participal from or stride is stridden. Strode is an acceptable but less common form.
Strid is an even less common form, archaic now.

It is never strided, no matter what, however.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

So shorten the sentences and fix up some past tense usage. Honestly, I've never heard or read the word "strode" before, so I wasn't even aware that was the past tense of stride.
Does this read better:

Would suggest more like:

Walking down the orange-colored corridor–the walls made from a sandstone only found in the Harestus Desert–the headmaster of Vis Stadium strode toward the meeting room. The stadium had been built with an orange color theme in mind, and to keep with this theme, lights that shone with a rusty glow painted the walls an even darker shade.

For the second part:
This would be the second time he’d discuss with the stock council. Frankly, *he’d rather them leave him to his own devices. Yet they called, so meet with them he must. If anything, the meeting would give him time to think about his ongoing plans.

Not sure if the part with the * is supposed to be:
1. "he would rather they leave him to his own devices"
or
2. "he would rather leave them to their own devices"
or
3. "he felt he should leave them to their own devices and they should do the same for him.

 

[Gryphon]

Not sure if the part with the * is supposed to be:
1. "he would rather they leave him to his own devices"

It's this one I was going for. I do see the confusion my initial wording can cause, so I'll fix it.