First thing first, please number your chapters. I want to know where I stopped reading, and when you have only titles, finding the exact one where I left off is a true pain. So please please please, number your chapters ! You can keep the titles and do something like 'Chapter 1 : Ashley's last birthday', but put numbers in here. When your webnovel page looks messy, it doesn't make me want to put in the effort to read.
I didn't want to make any comments on the grammar or any english mistakes or stylistic errors (after all, I'm french, what right do I have ?), but... Ok, let's be honest, I'm halfway through the prologue and I don't understand anything. There is a girl kneeling in the mud with an old uniform, and her mother on the phone, is it ? But for the rest, it was way too convoluted and too much exposition at once. Is there a reason why everything is in italics too ? It's a bit hard to read. Normally, italics are used for thoughts. Exemple :
She bent over and picked up the bracelet. 'Is it the one Julie lost ?', she wondered while dusting it off.
There is a lot of repetitions :
Those two exemples are only a few lines apart, and it's the same for the whole chapter.
I didn't understand, was there only one monster or several ? And that much destruction happened in a split second ? I mean... She says 'I will be alright dad, right ?' he doesn't answer, she turns around, and suddenly a hundred people are dead and there's blood everywhere. In a second ? While the girl didn't hear any scream or suspicious sounds ? And she was walking towards the helper to go on the boat, from what I understand, but the helper is the monster, so she should have seen it, right ?
Overall feedback : It could be a very good chapter for a prologue. Starting with a happy family, and then suddenly everybody is dead and the 5 year old girl is jumping off a cliff to survive. That has the potential to hook the readers, for sure ! The problem is the execution. You spend way too much time on details that we don't really care about and that are not important for the story, but you barely describes the real important things. Without talking of the repetitions and the stylistic choices, what you should do first is trim the exposition, and flesh out the important scenes so that we can understand properly what is happening.
