First 10 chapters up [Queer Fantasy]

[Deleted member 189621]

Hi new friends!

I'm a geriatric millennial just stepping out into the world of online publication. I've got a Queer High Fantasy Adventure with sex and romance sprinkled in. If you like kitsune and sexy mermen (mermans?), I welcome you to read, comment, and review. Thank you for your time! :)

8 Ezekiel [Queer High Fantasy]

A Queer, New Adult, Dark Fantasy Adventure *sprinkled with sex and romance* Rowan & Sam stole the Ivory Blade, released the Ikon's soul, and raised him as their son. But both Adam and Lilith want the Blade back, or rather, they want Zeke, and they'll raze Eden to get him first....

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Hsinat]

Fancy seeing you here! I read the first and second chapter. It's superb!

 

[Rookieqw]

Hi new friends!

I'm a geriatric millennial just stepping out into the world of online publication. I've got a Queer High Fantasy Adventure with sex and romance sprinkled in. If you like kitsune and sexy mermen (mermans?), I welcome you to read, comment, and review. Thank you for your time! :)

8 Ezekiel [Queer High Fantasy]

A Queer, New Adult, Dark Fantasy Adventure *sprinkled with sex and romance* Rowan & Sam stole the Ivory Blade, released the Ikon's soul, and raised him as their son. But both Adam and Lilith want the Blade back, or rather, they want Zeke, and they'll raze Eden to get him first....

www.scribblehub.com

Welcome to the site! I hope you'll enjoy it here.

Mama was a kitsune with jade green eyes, copper red hair, claws, and a bushy red tail. Mama was lovely.

Papa had burn scars on half his body and head. His face was mostly spared, but one ear and most of his jet-black hair had melted off. His left arm was entirely burned, as was his backside.

I don't know if it is the rule or if my instincts go haywire, but everything in me is screaming that it shouldn't be " Mama was lovely." , but "She was lovely.", because of the way you structured the second paragraph.

As Zeke finished his dessert of honeycake and berries, Papa stood and reached into his shadow pocket to draw a sword.

Maybe a shadow dimension? I struggle to imagine what a shadow pocket is, but that's just me.

Honestly, the info dump in the first chapter took me out of the story a bit. I think it would be better to spend time on Zeke's everyday life, helping the reader to gradually understand the world before dropping the reveal on us.

 

[Hsinat]

Welcome to the site! I hope you'll enjoy it here.


I don't know if it is the rule or if my instincts go haywire, but everything in me is screaming that it shouldn't be " Mama was lovely." , but "She was lovely.", because of the way you structured the second sentence.



Maybe a shadow dimension? I struggle to imagine what a shadow pocket is, but that's just me.

Honestly, the info dump in the first chapter took me out of the story a bit. I think it would be better to spend time on Zeke's everyday life, helping the reader to gradually understand the world before dropping the reveal on us.

It's part of a book series of their Royal Road account, if I am not wrong. Maybe that's why I didn't feel that info dump to be a hurdle for me. Just stating my opinion. No offence to SMRune and Rookieqw. Please correct me if I am wrong.

 

[Rookieqw]

It's part of a book series of their Royal Road account, if I am not wrong. Maybe that's why I didn't feel that info dump to be a hurdle for me. Just stating my opinion. No offence to SMRune and Rookieqw. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Oh, I am aware. I read the author's novel on RR. But this book seems to follow a different set of characters, and the information was better given to us (IMO, of course) in the other novel.

 

[Hsinat]

Oh, I am aware. I read the author's novel on RR. But this book seems to follow a different set of characters, and the information was better given to us (IMO, of course) in the other novel.

I’ve read the first one too, and I can see what you mean about the information being presented differently. I think both approaches have their strengths, but this book’s focus on new characters gave it a fresh perspective for me. Nonetheless, I agree with your points. Your point stands and I respect it.

 

[Deleted member 189621]

That was neat to witness. Thank you for reading and sharing your honest feedback. The other book is already published. It went through many years of revision and tinkering. This story is still a draft manuscript. I appreciate all the criticisms because I'm getting a clear editing direction before I ultimately self-publish. But the story ends on RR on the 31st, so I'm waiting for feedback on the ending before I deep-dive into editing. I hope you'll power through the uneven first few chapters. If not, thank you for reading this far.

 

[Hsinat]

That was neat to witness. Thank you for reading and sharing your honest feedback. The other book is already published. It went through many years of revision and tinkering. This story is still a draft manuscript. I appreciate all the criticisms because I'm getting a clear editing direction before I ultimately self-publish. But the story ends on RR on the 31st, so I'm waiting for feedback on the ending before I deep-dive into editing. I hope you'll power through the uneven first few chapters. If not, thank you for reading this far.

Congrats, buddy!