Overpowered-Invincible MC novel!

[LateFridgey]

Do you like mc 'invincible' from the start? Like, literally invincible! He can go to any cultivation realm any moment, he can summon any type of power, he can create or destroy reality anytime and he goes on fking every arrogant typical eastern fantasy mc if they come in his sight! He have no limits in his powers. He is cruel, ruthless and badass (sounds like bluff but that's how it's written like :)

The Invincible Beginning After The End

The unscrupulous system descended from the heavens, bringing Fang Xuan to the Tianxuan Continent, but in the body of the dying heir, Ye Yu. To its dismay, the system soon realized it had bound itself to the wrong host. Just as it prepared to abandon Fang Xuan within Ye Yu's...

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[Tempokai]

Reads like yet another CN slop that's in Webnovel and those CN sites that I'll never visit again. Do you know who your audience is? Are you really writing for them? Because all I can see is boring OP cliche on top of the cliche, creating an entire MLM scheme from the single chapter of your webnovel. Veteran readers of CN slop WILL lambast (or frankly, just close the page) you once you'll make a blatant mistake of not catering to their whims with proper storytelling. I can feel that the next chapters will be equivalent of the gas station hot dog that is made to be consumed and be regretted about it. Is it worth it? Do you think it's worth the hassle of writing yet another slop? Probably yes, given your rhetoric is POWAH FANTASY x1000 that will 100% get stale by chapter 7. Whatever.

 

[LateFridgey]

Reads like yet another CN slop that's in Webnovel and those CN sites that I'll never visit again. Do you know who your audience is? Are you really writing for them? Because all I can see is boring OP cliche on top of the cliche, creating an entire MLM scheme from the single chapter of your webnovel. Veteran readers of CN slop WILL lambast (or frankly, just close the page) you once you'll make a blatant mistake of not catering to their whims with proper storytelling. I can feel that the next chapters will be equivalent of the gas station hot dog that is made to be consumed and be regretted about it. Is it worth it? Do you think it's worth the hassle of writing yet another slop? Probably yes, given your rhetoric is POWAH FANTASY x1000 that will 100% get stale by chapter 7. Whatever.

Yeah its better then those repetitive isekai/litrpg/eastern shit. I mean if you are talking about op mc(strongest from the start), show me 10 novels and I'll accept it's overused and some kind of slop
Btw, I've already written over 15 chapters of this novel? and still plan to carry on??

 

[Tempokai]

@NotaNuffian, here's a patient. He's suffering from severe case of CNslopinitis, Type II (oblivinitis type). I need the expert's opinion on this patient, how he can be treated, or do we send him so hospice on the Mediocre St.? Thank you for your eventual response.

 

[LateFridgey]

@NotaNuffian, here's a patient. He's suffering from severe case of CNslopinitis, Type II (oblivinitis type). I need the expert's opinion on this patient, how he can be treated, or do we send him so hospice on the Mediocre St.? Thank you for your eventual response.

That wasn't convincing and it didn't prove your point too?
You should rather go to school?

 

[Daydreamers]

That wasn't convincing and it didn't prove your point too?
You should rather go to school?

feedback(s) aren't to be debated , they are to be accepted , that is if you want to improve,
he represents a wide range of readers , of course it doesn't mean you should stop or your work is bad per se , there are people who'll like your story , after all it is about connection, once it is established then that's all that matters. even the greatest fictions of all times do not appeal to some, and some stories you ll want to gouge your eyes out , will surprisingly have loyal readers.
after i wrote all this shit , i remembered i could've used the word (subjective) and saved myself time

 

[AncestorDuck]

I read a few similair one on kindle, not cultivation though. I like it, if its abour farming. I love farming. I love ducks aswell, so a little duck breeding would be superb

 

[LateFridgey]

feedback(s) aren't to be debated , they are to be accepted , that is if you want to improve,
he represents a wide range of readers , of course it doesn't mean you should stop or your work is bad per se , there are people who'll like your story , after all it is about connection, once it is established then that's all that matters. even the greatest fictions of all times do not appeal to some, and some stories you ll want to gouge your eyes out , will surprisingly have loyal readers.
after i wrote all this shit , i remembered i could've used the word (subjective) and saved myself time

I don’t mind feedback after going through the content, but giving feedback without first checking it properly isn’t acceptable

I read a few similair one on kindle, not cultivation though. I like it, if its abour farming. I love farming. I love ducks aswell, so a little duck breeding would be superb

Me too?

 

[JayMark]

Godly powered protagonists from the start are really difficult to make interesting, especially ones that already have the powers of God essentially. There's not enough room for growth or drama. And considering the sentence structure of your sales pitch, it's a hard sell.

 

[LateFridgey]

Godly powered protagonists from the start are really difficult to make interesting, especially ones that already have the powers of God essentially. There's not enough room for growth or drama. And considering the sentence structure of your sales pitch, it's a hard sell.

But it could be a refreshing one to read after reading thousands of same repetitive isekai, litrpg or eastern cultivation stories.

People have to read the same journey of mc getting to the top, all the time?
There aren't many stories with interesting concepts to follow. You'll get tons of those stories saying skibidi was young and his father mother brother sister grand father, everyone died. He was despised by everyone, he didn't get to a sect. He couldn't break through, so his girlfriend ntr him with cameraman and then he was tryna suicide but suddenly an immortal titan skibidi appeared out of nowhere and started to teach him for no reason and after thousands of chapter..... "I'm the strongest!"

(What he is mentioning as 'strongest' is nothing but a power of 3C ?)

Enough of these cringe stories?

 

[JayMark]

Fine, I'll read.

 

[Rookieqw]

Godly powered protagonists from the start are really difficult to make interesting, especially ones that already have the powers of God essentially.

What about if an author leans into comedy or explores other themes? OPM worked just fine, as an example.

 

[JayMark]

Fine, I'll read.

Prolugue reads like an overly complicated football trick play plan. What did I sign up for? Help me...


The first time I saw a man was when he was about to die. *Wow, this dude never saw a man before. Impressive*

"Hiss, it hurts!" *Who TH says hiss unironically? *

A sharp headache jolted Fang Xuan awake instantly.

Opening his eyes and surveying the unfamiliar environment around him, Fang Xuan was completely confused. *Dangling participle* *Unfamiliar? I’d think* *Are we not investing any words into Fang Xuan’s life* *Lazy writing, not even minimal description of surroundings. *

He clearly remembered that he had been sleeping in the dormitory, but this was no familiar dormitory now. *Oh, sleeping in the dorms. But now it’s not the dorms. No shit sherlock. Maybe a little scene setting please, just a bit? *

"Where is this?"

"I'm not dreaming!" *Why is this dialogue separated? *

Suddenly, a flood of strange memories rushed into Fang Xuan's mind, overwhelming him.

At that moment, Fang Xuan understood: he had crossed through time and space to a strange world. *More lazy writing. A bunch of undefined vague strange memories with no details rushes into his mind. And I’m supposed to invest in this life time of memories because you say so?*

This world didn't possess overwhelming high technology; instead, it was one of martial arts, where civilization had reached its peak. In this world, everyone practiced martial arts, striving to reach the pinnacle and dominate the world. *This reads like an advertisement for Dragonball but worse. *

The martial arts realms of Tianxuan Continent ranged from low to high: martial apprentice, martial artist, martial master, martial king, martial emperor, martial sage... Each of these major realms was divided into nine minor realms, from the first to the ninth grade. *Oh, a textbook exposition dump. It feels like I’m back in college. And it isn’t even a good solid dump. It’s more like one of those greasy clingers that splatter all over the bowl with no consistency *

The body Fang Xuan inhabited was called Ye Yu, and he was the young master of the city lord of Songyang City. *Well, at least we are getting details now. That’s something. Songyan City, isn't that where the pokemon trainers go to battle? *

Yesterday, his confidant, Xiao Dezi, had informed him of the discovery of a fourth-grade spiritual herb, the Bingling Flower, in the Tianduan Mountains just outside the city. Upon hearing this, Ye Yu decided to go pick the Bingling Flower and present it to his fiancée, Liu Ruyan. *An again, a bunch of stuff that had happened. The scale of tell and show is sitting on the floor of tell and Atlas himself couldn’t lift it off. Just copy paste a 'a bunch of shtuff happened' you'll have more effect.*

In order to keep the news quiet, Ye Yu only brought Xiao Dezi with him on a covert trip to the Tianduan Mountains.

Poor Ye Yu, this fool, had no idea that it was all a trap. *Ye Yu’s story sounds more interesting. And even then I've been given no real reason to care.*

Not only were the Tianduan Mountains filled with dangerous monsters, but he—merely a first-grade martial apprentice—along with Xiao Dezi, a third-grade martial apprentice, had foolishly ventured into these mountains. It was as if he were an old birthday star eating arsenic, hoping for a swift death. *At least its story telling? I want to experience this fool’s journey a thousand percent more than I care about MC.*

Even if the Bingling Flower had truly appeared in the Tianduan Mountains, the prominent families in Songyang City had already converged there. How could Ye Yu, about to meet his demise, have known about it? *This is like the MC sits next to me brag. It reeks of someone huffing their farts. I hate the MC.*

As expected, before he could even face the monsters, he was ambushed by Wang Chong, the head of the Wang family, one of the four great families of Songyang City. In the end, Ye Yu's body and head were separated. *WANG CHONG! HEAD OF THE WANG FAMILY. I SAID WANG!* *Your MC is going to suck to journey with. I'm losing brain cells. I'd be better off chugging an entire bottle of rum.*

Perhaps by some stroke of luck, the strong scent of blood didn't attract the monsters to immediately devour his body. This allowed Ye Yu's soul to enter the body and survive. *This reads like the outline for Ye Yu’s story. Just stop. Also, it needs more story for how this works. This is a huge happening, man has no head if I’m reading right. Did he pick up his head and put it back on? *

Uh! *Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh YEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!*

This was truly a hellish beginning! *Wait, this is Yu Yang, isn’t it his end? Are you even keeping track of this mess of a narrative?*

Although his arrival brought a glimmer of life to this body, his injuries had yet to heal. He was now unable to move. If no one found him, he would likely be exposed in the wilderness once more. *He trying to hold that head on, apply directly to the forehead, right? *

Wait!

As a traveler, shouldn't he have a golden finger? *WTF is going on. Gold Finger. This came out of fucking nowhere. Probably because of lazy writing. It feels like you’re just smashing all the cultivation tropes with a sledge hammer. And I have a feeling people already familiar aren't going to like it either. I just lost 10 IQ points*

He tried to call out: "System? Are you there? Grandpa? Are you there? Grandma? Are you there?"

However, there was no response.

Oh my God! *BECKY!*

This was not just a start to the collapse of the sky; it was the start of hell!

Sure enough, everything they wrote about in novels was a lie. There are no children of destiny—I'm just an ordinary passerby, an NPC, and I'll be killed as soon as I cross over. *He uses the term NPC? Oh woes is me, I not duh MC! And his story is still more sympathetic than your main character. *

Alas! *Why? Is this supposed to be dramatic? *

Just when Ye Yu was about to give in to despair, preparing to close his eyes and await death…

"Ding! The strongest system in the world is binding, 1%, 2%, 3%,..." *YE OLDE GODS HAVE ARRIVED TO GRANT YE BIG D. BUT WE FORGOT TO UPDATE THY WINDOWS SOFTWARE SO PLEASE WAIT.*

The mechanical voice was like the sound of nature, making Ye Yu snap out of his bleak state and sit up in shock.

Sure enough, even though the system may be late, it always arrives in the end.

How could a traveler be without the big, thick golden finger of the system? *WHY THO?*

"The strongest system in the world"—the name alone sounded extremely impressive. Ye Yu could already imagine the day he'd be drunk in the lap of a beauty, waking up to possess the power of the world. *Baddy McBaderson of systems. I’m invested now. Tis the badder assest system in da WORLDO!*

"97%, 98%, 99%,....." *still loading, but faster than a windows update at least. This could be funny if the author was capable of making me care with, I don't know, actual narrative?*

As the binding process neared completion, Ye Yu could hardly contain his excitement. *Did he get an erection? *

Suddenly, a strange mechanical voice interrupted: "Wait, something seems wrong, the program is incorrect, and the wrong host was found!" *What was strange about. Everything has been strange and not in a good way* *How does this ultimate bad ass system F up so much and why?*

This voice forced Ye Yu's excitement to subside. *But did it really force it?*

"Fuck!"

Ye Yu was stunned. It was already the last moment! How could it stop just like that? You can't do this to me! *Ye Yu = stunned = character telling*

What if the system leaves? *These paragraphs are terribly structured*

"The strongest system in the world is being unbound." *System lied about itself*

Then, the binding process, which was almost complete, plummeted back to the bottom like a roller coaster.

Ye Yu yelled: "System, don't even think about leaving! You brought me to this world without a word, and now you want to dump me with a light excuse of finding the wrong host? There's no such thing in this world! You must give me an explanation!" *Really, did he put his head back on his shoulders, because that’s impressive. He doesn’t need this system. This system of ultimate badass*

Hearing this, the system recognized its error.

"In light of the mistakes made by this system, I will give you a compensation package. So, from now on, you and I will no longer owe each other anything, and we will never meet again."

At that moment, the system flew into the sky, and a nine-colored light ball appeared in front of Ye Yu.

"Forget it, I know what this shit is. It's better to have a golden finger than none." *What the F is a golden finger, google help me: A golden finger is a gold-plated connector that connects circuit boards and other electrical units. They are also known as edge connectors, gold tips, or gold tabs. *


Ye Yu reached out and touched the nine-colored light ball. *Strobe light* Slowly, the light entered his body. Ye Yu felt a jolt throughout his body, and a terrifying power surged within him. *makes sense, he’s playing around with circuit connectors*

A line of distorted text appeared in Ye Yu's mind: "Compensation package: invincible cultivation (including alchemy and refining knowledge)."

Immediately, this overwhelming power flowed into his meridians, and Ye Yu's injuries healed instantly. He felt as though he had transcended.

Ye Yu stood up, feeling the power coursing through him, and couldn't believe it. Just moments ago, he was a miserable passerby about to die, but now he stood on the peak of martial arts.

Invincible!

I'm invincible now! *IT'S OVER 9000!*

Now, whoever tries to fuck with me, I'll fuck them instead, male or female, it doesn't matter! *Rape fantasies? *

Ye Yu laughed loudly. No matter how powerful your martial arts or physique is, you will kneel before me with just one slap! *Don’t get it. Why not just punch?*

Ye Yu glanced at the sky again. This world seemed to be under his control. Even the way of heaven seemed to tremble faintly. Is this the man who holds the sun and moon in his hands, who picks the stars at will? There's no one like me in this world! *What’s with all the ‘seems’* *Is this the KJV, NIV, or maybe RSV?*

Suddenly, a wave of emotion stirred deep within his soul, and the obsession of the original body, which had not dissipated, resurfaced. *Don’t care, lost interest. I wish I could feel a wave of emotions from reading this. But ALAS! nothing....*

"Don't worry, I'll avenge you and live for you." It seemed that upon hearing these words, the original body's obsession was finally put to rest. *It seems like you seem to like the word seemingly a lot, it seems.*

From now on, he was Ye Yu. *Ye Yu was the original body but Ye Yu’s obsession was put to rest, but now MC is Ye Yu. Why TF did I need to know about Fang Dong and his dorms then?*

As for those who had attacked the original body, he would make them pay—no one would escape. *Why TF does he care? Seems awfully invested in the grudges of someone he called a fool*

The betrayer, Xiao Dezi, would be punished even more severely. *DEZI NUTS!*

The original body—such a fool—had listened to Xiao Dezi's revelations about the Bingling Flower and rushed into the Tianduan Mountains without a second thought. *Isn’t it the same body just healed. Word usage is confusing AF. It’s probably me, I’m stupid AF. I’m way too much of a smooth brain to understand the glory of Yeet You*

He wasn't even worthy of obtaining such a treasure!

Well, those troubles would be dealt with later.

Waving his sleeves to scatter the filth and blood on his body, Ye Yu walked calmly out of the Tianduan Mountains.

The monsters around him seemed to sense the overwhelming aura Ye Yu unknowingly exuded and scattered in all directions. *Telling. And boring telling* *At least drop the constant use of ‘seem’ * *Wait, he unknowingly, well maybe invincibility doesn’t come with intellect. *

Songyang City, City Lord's Mansion. *Clunky transition out of nowhere*

A middle-aged man with a dignified appearance was furious. *I call him Mr. McDignified. Because why bother trying to create the image of dignity this man is trying to present. Nah, that would be creative. Power levels are way too high for that shiz here.*

"You bunch of useless idiots, you even lost Yu'er—what good are you to me!"

A large group of servants and housekeepers knelt, trembling on the ground.

This middle-aged man was Ye Hao, the city lord of Songyang City, the only seventh-grade martial artist in the entire city, and Ye Yu's father.

Ye Hao had always been approachable and rarely lost his temper. However, his son was his lifeblood—his very bottom line. If anyone dared to harm his son, Ye Hao would fight them to the death. It was clear how angry the city lord was at the disappearance of his son. *More exposition. Minimalist exposition. This narrative is running on exposition fart fumes.*

"Go find them! Find them!" Ye Hao roared. *Yeeee HAAAAAW! I think you're doing this intentionally.*

"Lord City Lord, the heads of the Wang and Liu families are here." A servant entered, trembling despite Ye Hao's fury. *Trembling despite it? XD*

"No, no! Don't you see I'm busy!" *Are all your characters dumber than a carrot? Ah, sorry, I insulted carrots*

"Brother Ye looks like he's in a bad mood today," said Wang Long, the head of the Wang family, and Liu Xi, the head of the Liu family, as they led a group of people into the inner hall before Ye Hao could finish speaking. *Wang Long! My man, you Fing legend! You get points for these name. It's the only thing even mildly entertaining about this.*

Leading the group was an ordinary-looking old man, yet the overwhelming aura emanating from his body caused everyone present to tremble in respect.

Just looking at the posture, anyone can tell that he was not someone to be underestimated at all! *Passive voice, poor paragraph structure, lazy writing*



Final Verdict: After one chapter, reader is incapable of final verdict due to extreme brain cell death. Capacity for higher thought eviscerate by the extreme OPness of MC. So OP.
YEE YUU BIG WANG. Do things. High power. Invicible. Do the thing. Gold finger in the wuhu wah. Slap. Invincible wang yu we.

 

[Tempokai]

Final Verdict: After one chapter, reader is incapable of final verdict due to extreme brain cell death. Capacity for higher thought eviscerate by the extreme OPness of MC. So OP.
YEE YUU BIG WANG. Do things. High power. Invicible. Do the thing. Gold finger in the wuhu wah. Slap. Invincible wang yu we.

Thank you for eventual response. I mistakenly sent the letter to another doctor, but that's my humble mistake, I'll change my ways. I'll arrange the room in hospice on Mediocre St. for this... patient, by your recommendations.

 

[LateFridgey]

Author is such a expert in this genre. He wrote such an incredible masterpiece! I loved this novel. I need more chapters, please upload faster

Thanks for reading it?

What about if an author leans into comedy or explores other themes? OPM worked just fine, as an example.

Yeah, likes of daily life of immortal king and opm was the true inspiration but since cultivation power dynamics can have better feats and a infinite level of power jump, I thought of using it?

 

[Daydreamers]

I'm invincible now! *IT'S OVER 9000!*

you ARE over 9000?
IF I EVER ASK FOR A FEEDBACK STAY AWAY FROM ME

 

[unlaumy]

Publish more chapter, Author. One is just too little for promotion unless it's a oneshot, because people will just forget about it. I just think you put too much of exclamation marks though. But this is General Chat, so whatever. Be cool and write more.

 

[JayMark]

Thanks for reading it?

Yeah, likes of daily life of immortal king and opm was the true inspiration but since cultivation power dynamics can have better feats and a infinite level of power jump, I thought of using it?

I read it all, every word. It hurt me.

Sorry if I came off very harsh. But it deserved it. My biggest problem is that this is a vague and confusing story outline and a list of tropes pretending to be a story. It's bones with a few organs thrown on top of it. That isn't the only problem, but it is by far the biggest. It already feels like smashing buzzwords on the keyboard after a while. I'm not even sure if takes itself seriously.

If it was mine, I'd either throw it out and start over with a fresh outline. Or I'd rework the outline and flesh out the story a bit, more than a bit, to give the reader a chance to invest. Screaming OP isn't going to cut it. It wouldn't for OPM, Ainz, or any other OP character and it won't work here. Practice some scene setting, more character interactions, possibly some world building. Read more of the highly acclaimed cultivation stuff.

Sentence structure could use some improvement but not fatal. Grammar really isn't the problem here.

 

[Alski]

I came

I read

I gave you 3 points for trying

 

[LateFridgey]

Okay I'm gonna release all the chapters I have written till now in one go, like 16 and then judge it :)