Story Feedback & Review Swap

[A.Dot]

Hello, Fellow Authors!

I recently started uploading my isekai system novel here on ScribbleHub, and I’d love to get your thoughts on it. Whether it’s feedback on the plot, characters, or pacing, I’m eager to hear how I can improve and grow as a writer.

I’m also looking to do Review Swaps! Let’s support each other by reading and critiquing each other’s stories. It’s a great way for us to connect, refine our skills, and rise together as better authors in this vibrant community.

If you're interested, drop a reply or send me a message! I’ll include the synopsis of my story and a link below so you can check it out. Can’t wait to dive into your stories too!

Let’s help each other climb to new heights as authors!




Synopsis

Johan thought he knew monotony—long hours at work, nights spent solo gaming. But when he's summoned to Eosdadalon, a world of magic, his friends are hailed as the Heroes of Prophecy, while Johan is cast aside, deemed unworthy.

Stumbling upon the mysterious Sanity System, a power unlike anything the heroes possess, Johan's path veers into the unknown. Meanwhile, the Penumbra—a pitch-black fog consuming everything in its path—creeps across the land, threatening to engulf the world.

Outside the prophecy, with no place in its story, Johan must carve out his own path, unlocking the full potential of the Sanity System to help save a world that may never accept him.

His journey is no longer about being a hero but about survival.


Link To Story

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1348792/insanity-system/

 

[GodOfZap]

Let's do that

 

[A.Dot]

Let's do that

View attachment 34125

The Merchant of Shadows​

Cool, I'll go ahead and read your story.

 

[GodOfZap]

I've rated yours and will begin reading it tomorrow. I'll provide my review afterward.

 

[AliMansoor]

Let's do it. Reply me if you are still doing it.

 

[Daydreamers]

Let's do it. Reply me if you are still doing it.

let's do it "akhi"

 

[AliMansoor]

let's do it "akhi"

Primal Ascension

Every planet begins its journey of formation with a cloud of gas and dust, and becomes perfect after awakening its mana. And following that evolves the creatures dwelling on that planet: Humans, monsters, plants, everything. Nick is one of these people with an ability that let him see the...

www.scribblehub.com

Sure. This is the link of my book. Send me the link of your book, akhi.

 

[Daydreamers]

Primal Ascension

Every planet begins its journey of formation with a cloud of gas and dust, and becomes perfect after awakening its mana. And following that evolves the creatures dwelling on that planet: Humans, monsters, plants, everything. Nick is one of these people with an ability that let him see the...

www.scribblehub.com

Sure. This is the link of my book. Send me the link of your book, akhi.

I've read two chapters so far, and I'll continue later to give proper attention to the rest.
I really liked the story it looks promising However, the grammar lets it down in places and the choice of words sometimes is not the best
For example in the action scene with the gigantic python you mentioned that the python emerged from the undergrowth. This disrupted my imagination because a python of that size wouldn’t realistically be covered by undergrowth I think it would work better to say something like "slithered out of the dense foliage" to better match its scale
Some dialogues could also be improved. For expp, when he spoke to the healer and said, "I'm him," I didn’t quite understand the intent and it felt awkward like does he mean i'm the patient ? ,
also repetition , some times in a phrase you use the same word twice ,or you repeat something that is already known.for exp the bow in his hand i think you already mentioned he has a bow so it would be better remove it
and "la conjugaison " : for exp this "Nick tightened his grip on his bow, his heart raced, and peered" => it should be racing , as the action is happening while he tightened his grip
In short, while the grammar needs polishing, it didn’t bother me too much since English isn’t my first language. However, I think native English speakers might find it more distracting.
i'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but you must to improve