Opinions on this premise? I might write it!

[Comatoast]

I've written a story here before but pestered out due to a lack of solid structure and purpose.

With renewed vigor, I'm back to write out a vision that I've had and I'm excited to try to write toward whatever niche may genuinely like to listen!

Here is the Premise;
Man has created a Mega-Country called Utopia but nature is coming back to punish their hubris.
A cosmic force known as the Hive has arisen, Representing the repression of nature and its extraordinary adaptability in a new, Sanitized modern terrain.
The Hive is not a physical being, Or at least it wasn't until Man began to produce it's own natural resources like Water, Oxygen and Bacterias, Rendering nature obsolete and Wiping it to near extinction.

Nature's order has been condensed so much that it has manifested physically offers the gift of Superhuman abilities to those willing to tear up society and restore the balance.

In response to the sudden apocalyptic outbreak of plants and superhuman hybrids, The government created a branch of enforces known as Terminators who are sent to extinguish all anomalous life using futuristic weapons coated in a bio-engineered Anti-Bacteria designed to counteract the Hive's immense healing factors and adaptability.

The protagonist is an Ex-Terminator who is a Hive Sympathyzer and the story opens with his public execution alongside all the others captured in a night raid.

Any ideas, Comments or if you'd like to see this story? Also if you saw this in general, I sent it twice just in case one is in the wrong spot and has to get deleted.

 

[BLIGHT_ZERO]

go ahead

 

[Comatoast]

go ahead

You think? Any opinions? Like or dislikes or potential improvements?

 

[miyoga]

If you know exactly what you're going to do with it and how you're going to write it, then sure.

For me, despite not being my general reading material, I'm not against giving it go if you write it, but I also fail to see how it works out. Your premise is that we have made nature obsolete and/or redundant to the point of non-functionality, but how does that actually work? You can't say we've created molecules of various things because the matter has to be coming from somewhere in order to make the H and the O we need to both have water and breathe. Food can be synthesized, sure, but you're still using proteins to make "meat", cellulose to make "fruits and vegetables" and other organic materials necessary for life and society. It almost makes me wonder if it wouldn't be better going with "Man" evolving beyond the needs of life as it is today and more into the realm of pure energy.

If we evolve into that state, then it becomes more plausible for a sentient force called "nature" to begin fighting back or trying to eliminate mankind in the name of Darwinism and reducing competition. "Man" would then need to find ways to combat the forces of "Nature" without actually destroying the natural balance that lesser evolved beings still rely on for continued existence.

 

[Hans.Trondheim]

You think? Any opinions? Like or dislikes or potential improvements?

The premise is fine.

You'll encounter problems in the execution of your premise, and that's where the opinions will come in.

 

[Dieter]

You only know if a premise is good once you write it, so you're asking the wrong question.
Sometimes you run out of idea with a given premise and either improve upon it or move on.

 

[PancakesWitch]

If you know exactly what you're going to do with it and how you're going to write it, then sure.

For me, despite not being my general reading material, I'm not against giving it go if you write it, but I also fail to see how it works out. Your premise is that we have made nature obsolete and/or redundant to the point of non-functionality, but how does that actually work? You can't say we've created molecules of various things because the matter has to be coming from somewhere in order to make the H and the O we need to both have water and breathe. Food can be synthesized, sure, but you're still using proteins to make "meat", cellulose to make "fruits and vegetables" and other organic materials necessary for life and society. It almost makes me wonder if it wouldn't be better going with "Man" evolving beyond the needs of life as it is today and more into the realm of pure energy.

If we evolve into that state, then it becomes more plausible for a sentient force called "nature" to begin fighting back or trying to eliminate mankind in the name of Darwinism and reducing competition. "Man" would then need to find ways to combat the forces of "Nature" without actually destroying the natural balance that lesser evolved beings still rely on for continued existence.

I agree, it doesnt make sense why nature would care if man synthetized their own things anyway either way. And it doesnt make sense why humans would wipe out nature if they can make their own stuff (there's no need for it to be done other than some sadistic people). Usually nature is affected because we extract resources from it, and its contamination is done because we process these resources into what we need. If we dont need to do that anymore, then nature will not really be harmed.

 

[Comatoast]

Thank you for all the opinions! I see that my premise needs to be fleshed out more and that I will NOT be writing this story until I can explain some plot points
?

 

[ArlindoFrancisco]

It is basically a guy turns terrorist because he realised he was fighting for evil, but to be honest, I fail to see why he would ever be on the side of the Hive. It looks like some evil entity, to be honest. Why does it matter if humans fundamentally evolved past the need for nature? They can synthesize their own things so why does nature care? To me, it sounds like nature is just fucking evil, like an overprotective parent lashing out on a kid that now has it's independence.

That would be good, making nature evil because it sees the self-sufficient humans as unnatural, like if your body started to reject your hand because it became self-aware all of a sudden.

I hope I could help.

 

[Disreality]

I've written a story here before but pestered out due to a lack of solid structure and purpose.

With renewed vigor, I'm back to write out a vision that I've had and I'm excited to try to write toward whatever niche may genuinely like to listen!

Here is the Premise;
Man has created a Mega-Country called Utopia but nature is coming back to punish their hubris.
A cosmic force known as the Hive has arisen, Representing the repression of nature and its extraordinary adaptability in a new, Sanitized modern terrain.
The Hive is not a physical being, Or at least it wasn't until Man began to produce it's own natural resources like Water, Oxygen and Bacterias, Rendering nature obsolete and Wiping it to near extinction.

Nature's order has been condensed so much that it has manifested physically offers the gift of Superhuman abilities to those willing to tear up society and restore the balance.

In response to the sudden apocalyptic outbreak of plants and superhuman hybrids, The government created a branch of enforces known as Terminators who are sent to extinguish all anomalous life using futuristic weapons coated in a bio-engineered Anti-Bacteria designed to counteract the Hive's immense healing factors and adaptability.

The protagonist is an Ex-Terminator who is a Hive Sympathyzer and the story opens with his public execution alongside all the others captured in a night raid.

Any ideas, Comments or if you'd like to see this story? Also if you saw this in general, I sent it twice just in case one is in the wrong spot and has to get deleted.

Nah, I'd read.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Thank you for all the opinions! I see that my premise needs to be fleshed out more and that I will NOT be writing this story until I can explain some plot points
?

Unless you plan an ongoing webnovel so that you can log hundreds or thousands of chapters, this is always a good idea. It's usually a good idea with the webnovels too, but always a good idea for any other type of writing.

 

[Comatoast]

This was a rough draft of the idea.

Unless you plan an ongoing webnovel so that you can log hundreds or thousands of chapters, this is always a good idea. It's usually a good idea with the webnovels too, but always a good idea for any other type of writing.

This was a rough draft of the idea. I really liked the premise and it actually reminded me of the concept of Tokyo Ghoul in a way with how the factions are divided.

It is basically a guy turns terrorist because he realised he was fighting for evil, but to be honest, I fail to see why he would ever be on the side of the Hive. It looks like some evil entity, to be honest. Why does it matter if humans fundamentally evolved past the need for nature? They can synthesize their own things so why does nature care? To me, it sounds like nature is just fucking evil, like an overprotective parent lashing out on a kid that now has it's independence.

That would be good, making nature evil because it sees the self-sufficient humans as unnatural, like if your body started to reject your hand because it became self-aware all of a sudden.

I hope I could help.

The beauty of the story is that the protagonist is just that, A protagonist.
He is capable of doing good or evil and he isn't somebody that you'll LIKE but he's somebody you sympathize with.

He's also a manipulator, He uses, Tricks and fools people and powers but does it for his own agenda, One where the forces of nature and humanity can finally merge.

The fact that you wouldn't like it us the beautiful part, Both sides have good part and bad parts but the choice is yours to see which side you root for.