Looking for subjective opinons about the first chapter of my novel

[SSPy]

So I been coming back to it for some reason and still isn't really sure if it hooking or boring. I would like to know outsiders opinions on where does it feel like it drags or where it seems interesting and engaging. Thank you.

Abyssal Descent [WIP]

Synopsis: The biggest and deadliest dungeon to ever exist, also known as The Abyss, is the source of overwhelming wealth and fame for any adventurer who survives delving into its depths. Sonnet has a connection with The Abyss, yet she has avoided it since her birth, she knew that the moment sh...

docs.google.com

 

[Puji-Maki]

I know it's a google docs(which means it's a safe site), but I appreciate it better if you post it on ScribbleHub and link it here in the thread. Sorry, if I sounded commanding.

 

[SSPy]

I know it's a google docs(which means it's a safe site), but I appreciate it better if you post it on ScribbleHub and link it here in the thread. Sorry, if I sounded commanding.

I haven't published the novel yet, I wanted first to get it right. And don't worry it didn’t sound commanding qt all

 

[Tempokai]

You have a good opening. I like the writing style. Atmosphere, tension, and potential are there, so keep it up.
Synopsis feels little bit flat though, it doesn’t hook as hard as it should. Sonnet’s connection to the Abyss? Vague. Her reluctance? Standard. The stakes? A little fuzzy. Be more specific about Sonnet’s connection to the Abyss. Is she cursed? Haunted? Secretly its heir? Add some specifity. “Urgently needs money” as a motivation feels tepid next to “deadliest dungeon.” Maybe she’s racing against time to save someone (cough Alba cough), or she’s being blackmailed? Something punchier. Sprinkle in stakes for The Abyss itself. Is it waking up? Does it hunger for something? Right now, it’s just a pit. Also, add some mention of System, because the sudden window pop up made me question myself on am I reading fantasy or LitRPG. Decide its role in the story: Is it central to the plot, or just a minor element? Either way, weave it into the world-building seamlessly. Sharpen the synopsis.
Other things, however, are now nitpicking from me. Add some contrast to MC, because I only see her muttering "suffering, suffering, suffering" again and again. Don't fall for that "broody MC that broods for brooding sake" trap. You can cut some descriptions for sake of pacing, after the "tax collectors" part. Elongate the Jannis' death scene by slowing the pacing, it feels abrupt otherwise. This can be a hit, but make a good foundation for that pit to stand on.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I haven't published the novel yet, I wanted first to get it right. And don't worry it didn’t sound commanding qt all

If you do this for every chapter you will never finish, by the way...

 

[SSPy]

You have a good opening. I like the writing style. Atmosphere, tension, and potential are there, so keep it up.
Synopsis feels little bit flat though, it doesn’t hook as hard as it should. Sonnet’s connection to the Abyss? Vague. Her reluctance? Standard. The stakes? A little fuzzy. Be more specific about Sonnet’s connection to the Abyss. Is she cursed? Haunted? Secretly its heir? Add some specifity. “Urgently needs money” as a motivation feels tepid next to “deadliest dungeon.” Maybe she’s racing against time to save someone (cough Alba cough), or she’s being blackmailed? Something punchier. Sprinkle in stakes for The Abyss itself. Is it waking up? Does it hunger for something? Right now, it’s just a pit. Also, add some mention of System, because the sudden window pop up made me question myself on am I reading fantasy or LitRPG. Decide its role in the story: Is it central to the plot, or just a minor element? Either way, weave it into the world-building seamlessly. Sharpen the synopsis.
Other things, however, are now nitpicking from me. Add some contrast to MC, because I only see her muttering "suffering, suffering, suffering" again and again. Don't fall for that "broody MC that broods for brooding sake" trap. You can cut some descriptions for sake of pacing, after the "tax collectors" part. Elongate the Jannis' death scene by slowing the pacing, it feels abrupt otherwise. This can be a hit, but make a good foundation for that pit to stand on.

Thanks, very helpful

If you do this for every chapter you will never finish, by the way...

Caught