Pitch for a fantasy story

ThisAdamGuy

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I've had this idea brewing in the back of my mind for a while. I think it could be pretty cool. What do you guys think?

In the land of Altanocte, the souls of the virtuous dead are sent to heaven, while sinners are condemned to the bottom of the sea for all eternity, where their sins have stained the waters black. Occasionally, a family of great wealth will commission the church to send a member of their holiest sect, the tiger-riding warriors known as Divers, down into the black depths to retrieve the soul of a loved one so that they can be purified and sent to heaven.

Oid is chosen to retrieve the soul this time. A veteran Diver, there are those who think he has spent too much time down in the midnight sea and he is at risk of being corrupted beyond salvation. But he has kept the church's commandments all his life. He has bathed himself in holy sunlight until he could see the true light beyond it. His tiger's stripes have been darkened by the repeated exposure to sin, but Oid knows his faithful mount's heart remains pure. There is nothing that can pierce the shield of his faith.

Or is there?

This will be no ordinary rescue mission. The soul he is to save is located in the deepest, darkest part of the black ocean: an eternal gala of wickedness and perversion known as the Masquerade. There, the souls of the most wicked men to ever walk Altanocte congregate, waiting for something

Thirsting

Lusting.

One way or another, this will be Oid's last mission. Will he get away and race for the morning? Or will he become the newest star of the Masquerade?
 
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CharlesEBrown

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Oid is chosen to retrieve the soul this time. A veteran Diver, there are those who think he has spent too much time down in the midnight sea and he is at risk of being corrupted beyond salvation. But he has kept the church's commandments all his life. He has bathed himself in holy sunlight until he could see the true light beyond it. His tiger's stripes have been darkened by the repeated exposure to sin, but Dio knows his faithful mount's heart remains pure. There is nothing that can pierce the shield of his faith.
Which name is correct - or does he change it due to sin?
 

CharlesEBrown

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The first one. Autocorrect got me. Why would I ever want to name a character Dio? That's just stupid.
Unless it's a tribute to Ronnie James Dio or, as I said, he winds up "reversing" his name due to the sin level or some such.
 

CharlesEBrown

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Never heard of him, but he sounds like he'd be a really boring musician who I would never take inspiration from, ever
Whether he was GOOD or not is a highly debatable subject, but he was far from boring - from the first paragraph of his Wikipedia entry:

Ronald James Padavona[3] (July 10, 1942 – May 16, 2010),[4] known professionally as Ronnie James Dio, was an American heavy metal singer. He fronted numerous bands throughout his career, including Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Dio and Heaven & Hell.
 
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JayMark

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The first one. Autocorrect got me. Why would I ever want to name a character Dio? That's just stupid.
97qbog.jpg
 

JayMark

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:cry: Oww, you a make a me bleed! :blob_teary:

That said. I like the idea and absolutely would read if I had time. Anything you write would be in my plan to read list for sure, so I can binge it on my vacation.

As for other readers, good fiction that isn't isekai / litrpg / smut is a hard sell. Nobody wants to pick up a regular fantasy or sci-fi no matter how well written. It may gain traction if it gets lucky and catches another trend later though.
 

ThisAdamGuy

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I'm not actually going to write this. I just wanted to see how long it took someone to get the joke. We're at nearly a week now.
 

CharlesEBrown

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Closest thing I see to a joke are tigers being used as mounts for diving - and in a fantasy world, you never know...
 

JayMark

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I'm angery now. Joke is too far obtuse. I can't into the decipher of humor. I don't possess the level of No Ledges required.

I must take the ancient tablet to lab for detailed analcyst to decipher this humore.
 

ThisAdamGuy

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Closest thing I see to a joke are tigers being used as mounts for diving - and in a fantasy world, you never know...
I'm angery now. Joke is too far obtuse. I can't into the decipher of humor. I don't possess the level of No Ledges required.

I must take the ancient tablet to lab for detailed analcyst to decipher this humore.
You are the weakest link.
 

LoneQuack

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Honesty have to agree with my best friend SailusGebel on this one. I feel like something is missing for me to get interested. Also, question, with the tiger-riding warriors. How does that work under the sea? Am I misunderstanding something with this one?
 
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