Is my synopsis grabbing attention? I need your thoughts

[Arvi]

After world war IV because of the radiation's levels dangerously high, the humanity reaches on the brink of extinction. To save humanity Genetic engineers create a new species "Homo Aeternus" with extraordinary abilities. Meanwhile, the remaining 1% of humanity which remains unmodified are labeled as "norms" and are seen as the failures. Among them is Zelo, who ended up injects himself with a mysterious substance triggering to his end. The substance synchronizes with Zelo before his death and travel to another world. This substance, Aster, is a modified genetic program that contains advanced genetic information, designed to provide superior genes and has self-consciousness. As a type of AI, Aster enhance Zelo's abilities and guiding him on his journey to another world.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

After World War IV the Earth's radiation levels were dangerously high, placing humanity on the brink of extinction.

To save humanity Genetic engineers created a new species "Homo Aeternus" with extraordinary abilities. Unfortunately, 1% of humanity remains unmodified and are labeled as "norms;" or "failures."

Hmm - not too clear on the next part - seems to meander a bit. Zelo is a norm who injects himself with a mysterious substance, right?
Does the substance kill him or send him somewhere else? Both? Or does it just transform him?
And does he know the substance is called Aster (then it should be "...a mysterious substance called 'Aster'") - if he does not, the reader does not need that detail YET.
Or maybe the last sentence could be
"This substance, an enhanced genetic and nanotechnology program called "Aster" now begins to enhance Zelo's abilities and guides him on his journey through another world" or something like that?

Among these 'Norms' is Zelo, who ended up injects himself with a mysterious substance triggering to his end. The substance synchronizes with Zelo before his death and travel to another world. This substance, Aster, is a modified genetic program that contains advanced genetic information, designed to provide superior genes and has self-consciousness. As a type of AI, Aster enhance Zelo's abilities and guiding him on his journey to another world.

 

[melchi]

I would say it is confusing.

1.) It has grammar errors. (bad capitalization Genetic should be genetic) Also mixed tenses.

2.) Does it answer the question: "Why should I give this novel a try?" I would say it is mostly exposition.

If the story is about Zelo, than that should be the first sentence on the paragraph. Having the first sentence be about the aftermath of WW4 makes it seem like a story about what happened after WW4. Is it a period piece or a story about a single character. Having the paragraph like that makes it unclear.

 

[LilRora]

First, grammar. I don't really wanna say it but I'll do it anyway, this isn't near fluent English. You have a number of weird sentences on top of multiple grammatical errors - it takes away from your synopsis. Even if it was outstanding in all other aspects, just those mistakes would deter me, because I can only assume they reflect the quality of the story.

Minor nitpick, avoid using things like 1% or AI. Using them in narration is just as bad as using them in the synopsis. Better replace them with words and full forms, best colorize it with additional information such as "But one percent of human population remains..." (emphasis on how little it is).

Two, descriptions. To put it bluntly, this is all a description, or exposition. I already know everything about the beginning of the story, but I don't have any connection to it, there's nothing to attract my attention, nothing I would be eager to find out. You end the synopsis with a statement that Aster enhances Zelo's abilities on his journey to another world. Just the fact it's a plain statement is already a flag - rhetorical questions, exclamations, cliffhangers, they can all bring so much more expression to the synopsis.

Instead of a description, a synopsis should be an expression that paints me a picture from a perspective; it should be subjective not objective and convince me there's a character I want to learn more about not because their backstory is cool, but because something's about to happen or something just happened and I can't wait to find out how it develops (unless you're writing something cozy, like slice of life).

 

[cabbag3]

I wouldn't comment on the grammar and spelling since you can easily improve that and I'm a Divine Tribulation Realm MTL reader. LOL

As a reader, my interest would be caught by the Homo Aeternus and the OG world, but based on the synopsis, I guess there wouldn't be much attention given to this setting. I don't think you should be starting or emphasizing with this.
It takes a good chunk of the synopsis.

For the Aster part, you don't need to spell it out for me. Hahaha. Keep it a mystery, but at least give a hint. This kinda feels like one of those Titles which also works as a synopsis.

The synopsis is a clear-cut description. Idk how you would do it but try to make the synopsis inviting, or something open to an adventure, like the example of CharlesEBrown.

Anyway, just curious tho, how does he travel to another world? Transmigration or reincarnation?