I feel my prompt/blurb is missing the mark

[Renux]

Any suggestions on what we can take out or make this more attractive?

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/1239385/adasion/


Synopsis

Mayor Juliana missteps and finds herself transported to a strange and colorful world. Its elf inhabitants are hatched from mana eggs found on the planet’s surface. Music and magic capabilities are valued in their society and the dull-colored Adasion elves are left behind.
Juliana realizes that her arrival is not a coincidence. Humans have visited this world before, and their presence has the power to strengthen entire nations. As she's pressured to choose a clan, she must weigh her loyalty to her own views versus what is expected of her.
To complicate things, her friend goes missing after being forced to break an alien taboo.

Why have both a spy and an ambassador approached her? Does she have another choice?

Note from author: Adasion is an experimental anthropological sci-fi/fantasy work. Think more a fantasy-like "Left Hand of Darkness" with elves for you sci-fi readers. Expect gender neutral elves, slow-burn pacing, lots of color and magic. Management tags won't start until halfway in story.

Cover Art by Crishzi

 

[melchi]

Personally, I think you should try again.

Write from the perspective: I'm a reader considering this, why should I start this novel?

The details on the world building are not really relevant to answering that question. Is it a story about a human in an elf world? Don't really need more than a sentence or two to say that.

 

[FallenMoon3]

It lacks a little more emotion, it might be good to put some hook in the synopsis

 

[CharlesEBrown]

A question - is this Science Fantasy (like Star Wars) or a real fusion of Science Fiction and Fantasy (like the Incarnations of Immortality or the Proton/Phaze stories, all by Piers Anthony)?

 

[Renux]

A question - is this Science Fantasy (like Star Wars) or a real fusion of Science Fiction and Fantasy (like the Incarnations of Immortality or the Proton/Phaze stories, all by Piers Anthony)?

It's anthropological sci-fi (as in exploration of human nature, societies, etc. Not heavy on technology) in a fantasy setting. Very Left Hand of Darkness, but with magic and elves. Add in there some light adventure/clan building and that's what the story becomes.

It lacks a little more emotion, it might be good to put some hook in the synopsis

Thanks!

It lacks a little more emotion, it might be good to put some hook in the synopsis

Thanks!

Personally, I think you should try again.

Write from the perspective: I'm a reader considering this, why should I start this novel?

The details on the world building are not really relevant to answering that question. Is it a story about a human in an elf world? Don't really need more than a sentence or two to say that.

I can really have it short and it be okay? That's good to know.
Is this better?



When Mayor Juliana is transported to Adasion, a realm of elf-like aliens, she and other humans are delivered to the Asa Dominion. The Dominion seeks to harness the special abilities of humans to strengthen their magic. It is every Adasion clan’s goal to have a human member, but Juliana refuses to be bound to a pre-chosen clan. Defying tradition, she establishes her own clan to explore the mysterious continent.



As she travels, Juliana must confront the complexities and discriminations of Adasion's genderless society, whose cultural norms challenge her human perspective.



Some countries want her, others want her clan dead. Hopefully, she’s chosen good allies.



Adasion is an experimental anthropological fantasy work, inspired by Ursula K. LeGuin's sci-fi famous tale, “the Left Hand of Darkness".





What to expect:

• extensive worldbuilding
• mana-based magic, clan-building, lots of colorful elves
• Posts weekly

Cover Art by Crishzi