Writing How to write your intro's first lines?

[expentio]

So it is like this, I recently got reminded of the fact that the intro of my forever story "Slime Girl" kinda sucks.
I agree with this, as due to my inexperience back then I was only capable of making a character introduction that was just the character literally introducing themselves and their world to the readers. The story does rather well with a few thousand readers, but I feel like that weak start does it harm, even though I'm rather confident in the story at large.
So now I'm playing with the idea of doing a rewrite to said start.
The issue is, I don't know how to get started.
The chapter in general will require that I push all of the information into this that got before brought up in the self-introduction. (Name of the continent, country, magic system, monsters, personal life etc.)
I actually have an idea how to go about it.
By the way, the story is first person.
So the MC is a medieval village girl that she sees as extremely backwater. Her family are forest foragers, so she knows her way around plants and forest.
I plan her to go out, foraging, have some encounters, and then return home to her family where she'll be able to talk about recent events.

However, what I'm really struggling with are the first words. How am I introducing my character to go foraging while at the same time making for a good entrance? What are the absolute first words to introduce the character, situation, circumstances, or even just make an entrance?
Writing from an ongoing situation is easy for me, but I'm kinda pulling a blank if it's about creating everything without an origin, as I'm just creating said origin. How can I establish flow if there wasn't flow yet?

I'd really appreciate tips or even better concrete ideas for a good first line. Maybe someone's familiar with my story and can tell more. Or if there are questions for further details I'll gladly tell everything of interest.

 

[Story_Marc]

Here you go.

 

[winterwhereof]

It's possible you're struggling to create an engaging opening line because the scene in general isn't engaging. Is anything special happening while she's out foraging? Perhaps you should start the story at a more interesting point in your plot, some event with inherent intrigue where an opening line is easy because you're rushing the reader into an interesting situation.

If you think the laid-back atmosphere of a routine foraging session is a must for whatever reason (perhaps this is cozy slice of life), then I would start with some interesting thought or musing of hers, especially something that establishes her character.

Brainstorming for your specific scenario, it sounds like this character dislikes the 'backwaters' she lives in, and emphasizing her discontent is one way to introduce the character.

"Elizabeth wasn't sure she could make it through one more day of this. Heavens allowing, maybe she'd get lucky and a bear would eat her."

Would be one way to open what's otherwise a not-very-exciting scene. Showing her discontent with her simple life in a somewhat humorous way.

It all depends on your goals, and the story itself. But if this isn't a deliberately slow story, picking a more exciting starting point in your plot will make it much easier to write an exciting opening line, paragraph, and then chapter

 

[melchi]

So the MC is a medieval village girl that she sees as extremely backwater. Her family are forest foragers, so she knows her way around plants and forest.
I plan her to go out, foraging, have some encounters, and then return home to her family where she'll be able to talk about recent events.

However, what I'm really struggling with are the first words. How am I introducing my character to go foraging while at the same time making for a good entrance? What are the absolute first words to introduce the character, situation, circumstances, or even just make an entrance?
Writing from an ongoing situation is easy for me, but I'm kinda pulling a blank if it's about creating everything without an origin, as I'm just creating said origin. How can I establish flow if there wasn't flow yet?

I think that you might be making this more complicated than it needs to be. Picture a reader, what are some things that they want and don't want to see when testing the waters for a new fiction.

For me: the prose is a big problematic.

Boooooooooring!


Yes, nothing to do.
Every day is the same.
Even if something does happen I openly question if there was any reason for it to happen in the first place.

Yes, nothing to do = sentence fragment

Using a sentence fragment for the first thing is RISKY.

2nd sentence = passive

Better: Replace that with doing something, anything, just don't use "IS"

For the third sentence, that is entirely inner monologue. Actually, the entire first paragraph is inner monologue.

For me, a good introduction answer the question "Why should I read this?" And if the story is has slime girl in the title I'll be looking for slime girls doing slime girl things in the first chapter. My suggestion would be compress the inner monologue and focus on the action.

 

[CharlesEBrown]

It takes practice to do decent intros. I think I developed a knack for it over several years of writing material (paid and unpaid) for role-playing games where you kind of need a hook to get started.
But then again not all intros work well even then.
One of my favorites was the simple formula used in the first Destroyer novel (and repeated in the second chapter of every one after that - #2 on have the first chapter showing what some of the bad guys are up to and hinting at what the story will be like) - The sentence begins as: "His name was Remo and he...." - and then the sentence sets up his initial situation, and the next sentence adds a slight twist to the action of the first sentence, usually a darkly funny one.

If you think your intro is not engaging, consider rewriting it en medias res - begin with an action sequence, then re-wind to show how the character(s) got there.

Some of my favorites from my own works in progress:
Super-hero/Detective story

The first thing that struck me as we entered the dark, nearly-deserted diner was the smell – above the normal old food odors was a strong smell that I couldn’t quite place, a kind of oily smoke with a hint of chocolate and something bitter to it.
My partner, Detective Dina Genovelli, noticed my puzzled expression and smirked: “That’s a combination of cheap marijuana, wrapped up in a mid-priced cigar wrapper with some of the tobacco left in, and cheap air freshener trying to mask it,” she informed me.

Fantasy/Super-hero/Pseudo-Isekai/a bunch of other things

I awoke feeling unusual that morning. At first, I chocked it up to having drank too much the night before. However, as I stumbled around the bedroom, I passed by a mirror and saw, instead of the graying beard and craggy yet almost-but-not-quite-handsome face that always glared back at me in the morning, the face of one of, possibly the, most beautiful women I had ever seen.

Noir-esque detective/superhero/horror:

My name is Diamond. Jack Diamond. I am a dick. Nobody who knows argues that point - most know that is slang for “private investigator” and the rest, well, they know me.

The name is Diamond. Detective Jack Diamond.
Yeah, Mom was not too bright, while Dad loved the cards and hated me for forcing him to end his days as a single man.

Romance novel

Linda Caruso was fed up. “Ever since I dyed my hair blonde almost two years ago, you have done nothing but make blonde jokes, Donna, and I am getting sick of it.”

Western/System/Psuedo-Isekai

Dane Coleman slid back on the thin mattress, his back against the wall. He held his hands up against the wall, palms outward. Outside the cell, his childhood friend, Detective John Parker nodded to the uninformed corrections officer at his side to unlock the door. The officer then opened the door, sliding it shut behind Parker as soon as he was inside, and then walking off down the cell block.

And Adventure/Urban Fantasy/Horror:

A pounding at my door woke me from a dream, which is unusual. I do not dream - they are too dangerous. I glanced over at the clock - two forty eight AM.
I grumbled: “Hold on, I am coming,” and tumbled out of bed. I made sure my boxers were not torn in any unfortunate places, slipped into a pair of slippers (mismatched, I realized after a few steps) and hurried to the door.
Who am I? Nathaniel Grey. I drive a cab.

(Though I originally planned to name the character Michael Grey and have not decided if I'll keep this name or go back to the original)

 

[melchi]

Marc does a better job of explaining it than I can do.

 

[Nolff]

So it is like this, I recently got reminded of the fact that the intro of my forever story "Slime Girl" kinda sucks.
I agree with this, as due to my inexperience back then I was only capable of making a character introduction that was just the character literally introducing themselves and their world to the readers. The story does rather well with a few thousand readers, but I feel like that weak start does it harm, even though I'm rather confident in the story at large.
So now I'm playing with the idea of doing a rewrite to said start.
The issue is, I don't know how to get started.
The chapter in general will require that I push all of the information into this that got before brought up in the self-introduction. (Name of the continent, country, magic system, monsters, personal life etc.)
I actually have an idea how to go about it.
By the way, the story is first person.
So the MC is a medieval village girl that she sees as extremely backwater. Her family are forest foragers, so she knows her way around plants and forest.
I plan her to go out, foraging, have some encounters, and then return home to her family where she'll be able to talk about recent events.

However, what I'm really struggling with are the first words. How am I introducing my character to go foraging while at the same time making for a good entrance? What are the absolute first words to introduce the character, situation, circumstances, or even just make an entrance?
Writing from an ongoing situation is easy for me, but I'm kinda pulling a blank if it's about creating everything without an origin, as I'm just creating said origin. How can I establish flow if there wasn't flow yet?

I'd really appreciate tips or even better concrete ideas for a good first line. Maybe someone's familiar with my story and can tell more. Or if there are questions for further details I'll gladly tell everything of interest.

Guy: My first introduction line sucks, even though the story garnered thousands of readers. I want to fix it.

Me with more than 40-47 readers:

 

[expentio]

I think that you might be making this more complicated than it needs to be. Picture a reader, what are some things that they want and don't want to see when testing the waters for a new fiction.

For me: the prose is a big problematic.


Yes, nothing to do = sentence fragment

Using a sentence fragment for the first thing is RISKY.

2nd sentence = passive

Better: Replace that with doing something, anything, just don't use "IS"

For the third sentence, that is entirely inner monologue. Actually, the entire first paragraph is inner monologue.

For me, a good introduction answer the question "Why should I read this?" And if the story is has slime girl in the title I'll be looking for slime girls doing slime girl things in the first chapter. My suggestion would be compress the inner monologue and focus on the action.

Yes, that is what this request is about. If that wasn't clear, the rewrite chapters aren't actually written yet. The start is currently literally the characters introducing themselves. We aren't in the action yet. However, I was talking here for now about the chapter before.
Also, I don't really need help with planning out those chapters. What I need is getting started in the very first line of the very first chapter. What would be the first thing one should write in an adventure story if I want to introduce the character?

It's possible you're struggling to create an engaging opening line because the scene in general isn't engaging. Is anything special happening while she's out foraging? Perhaps you should start the story at a more interesting point in your plot, some event with inherent intrigue where an opening line is easy because you're rushing the reader into an interesting situation.

If you think the laid-back atmosphere of a routine foraging session is a must for whatever reason (perhaps this is cozy slice of life), then I would start with some interesting thought or musing of hers, especially something that establishes her character.

Brainstorming for your specific scenario, it sounds like this character dislikes the 'backwaters' she lives in, and emphasizing her discontent is one way to introduce the character.

"Elizabeth wasn't sure she could make it through one more day of this. Heavens allowing, maybe she'd get lucky and a bear would eat her."

Would be one way to open what's otherwise a not-very-exciting scene. Showing her discontent with her simple life in a somewhat humorous way.

It all depends on your goals, and the story itself. But if this isn't a deliberately slow story, picking a more exciting starting point in your plot will make it much easier to write an exciting opening line, paragraph, and then chapter

As I wrote, I'm planning on rewriting the first character introduction. I want to start the story slow. It's certainly not that the scenario I planned for this rewrite is lacking. It's not supposed to go all into action if I only want to introduce my MC, who at this point is a very average existence.
Maintaining the 1st person narrative is important, so suggestions that don't have this are not really helping me in this scenario. However, what this question is about how I get started that I have her either already in the foraging or getting the task to do this. What are the absolute first things that should be written to make for a start? "Hi, I'm me and I'm currently foraging." Isn't quite cutting it to get started as my very first lines to get into the scene. Getting into the scene, that's what this all is about.
From a developed situation I can proceed without issues, I'm rather confident in my writing ability there, but the part before, that's easy.
For example, I often have my characters wake up, or someone calling their name. Yet I'm not sure what would fit here.

 

[Jocelyn_Uasal]

Occasionally you'll just get away with them saying their name, less can be more. I mean, the most famous opening line ever of any book in English is literally "Call me Ishmael."

Noir-esque detective/superhero/horror:

My name is Diamond. Jack Diamond. I am a dick.

Works pretty well here

 

[ThisAdamGuy]

My method is to immediately introduce a question that the reader will want answered. Such as in Sealbreakers,

The Mother Storm howled. Her winds were battering rams, her rain a barrage of tiny slingstones that battered Paraugh Gulath in a neverending attempt to reduce the entire mountain range to gravel. But the hollow mountains weathered the assault unflinchingly, as did the people living within them, just as they both had for over five thousand years.

The reader will (or at least I hope they will) want to know what the Mother Storm is. Is it alive? Why is it trying to destroy this Paraugh Gulath place? Hollow mountains? Five thousand years? What's the story behind this place?

If you can't put a question in their heads, give them something they can react to. Jokes are a good way to do that, if the tone of your story permits it. Reactions = investment, so the sooner you can get one, the sooner and easier you can get your readers hooked. Like in Henry Rider: Clown Hunter,

The wind carried the alluring scent of danger the night I appeared above 1157 Westwillow Drive, holding the mystical Escher Cube in both hands. My heart raced with the power of five Blue Donkey energy drinks. I was ready to…

Wait. Above the house?

I yelped, plummeting to the roof below with a magnificent bellyflop. Not my most professional entrance, I’ll admit, but at least I’d only warped myself a few feet too…aaaand I was sliding down the roof. I shot over the side like a screaming toboggan before bouncing off the plastic trash can below and crash landing on the driveway.

Ow.

 

[winterwhereof]

Maintaining the 1st person narrative is important, so suggestions that don't have this are not really helping me in this scenario.

Alright then convert it to first person, yeah?

"I wasn't sure I'd make it through one more day of this. Maybe today was the day I'd get lucky and a bear would eat me."

Lots of people have described general approaches for stepping into a scene. We can't give you good specific advice unless we read the chapter you're rewriting so we have full context, and I'm not sure how many people are willing to do that. Perhaps someone here is.

Good luck!

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Maintaining the 1st person narrative is important, so suggestions that don't have this are not really helping me in this scenario. However, what this question is about how I get started that I have her either already in the foraging or getting the task to do this. What are the absolute first things that should be written to make for a start? "Hi, I'm me and I'm currently foraging." Isn't quite cutting it to get started as my very first lines to get into the scene. Getting into the scene, that's what this all is about.

The idea is to show the character's frustration and boredom at the LACK of action, right?

"Yet another day of nothing in particular happening. That is the downside to living in a place where nothing ever changes, where there is nothing whatsoever of interest to anyone. Sure, there may be some safety, some security, but it is BORING.
So very boring..."

Or something like that.