Looking for Feedback on Dual Levelling: I Level Up with My Clones – Action, Characters, and Clones

[Kutley]

Hi everyone!

I'm currently working on my novel Dual Levelling: I Level Up with My Clones, and I’d love some feedback from fellow writers and readers. The story follows Lee Seung, who gains the power to create clones of himself after losing everything to a war between humans and monsters. Seung uses these clones to grow stronger, but he’s still struggling to master their full potential. As he embarks on a dangerous journey to bring his sister back to life, he’s pulled into a world of Hunters, monsters, and a brewing war.

I’d really appreciate feedback in the following areas:

- Character Development: How do Seung and the supporting characters come across? Are their motivations clear, and do they feel relatable?
- Action Scenes: I'm trying to create intense, vivid fight scenes, especially with the use of Seung's clones. Does the action flow well, and is it easy to follow? Is there enough tension?
- Plot Structure: How’s the pacing of the story? Do the chapters keep you engaged, or are there places where things slow down too much?
- World-Building: The world features portals, dungeons, and a ranking system for Hunters. Is the world-building clear and immersive, or are there areas where more detail is needed?

If you’d like to read the latest chapters, you can find the story here. Any constructive criticism or suggestions are welcome, whether it’s about the writing style, dialogue, or plot twists.

Thanks in advance for your time and feedback! I’m looking forward to improving the story with your help.

 

[LoneQuack]

Well my advice is to post the link of the story here. Can't do much else since I am drowning in work at the moment, but I can at least say that.

 

[DeepWater]

This sounds like a Manhwa I read one time.

 

[Kutley]

Well my advice is to post the link of the story here. Can't do much else since I am drowning in work at the moment, but I can at least say that.

I attached it in the body of the message. "If you'd like to read the latest chapters, you can find the story here..."

 

[CharlesEBrown]

I attached it in the body of the message. "If you'd like to read the latest chapters, you can find the story here..."

That's a little subtle - missed it myself twice.
Try: Dual Levelling: I level up with my clones | Scribble Hub

The concept reminds me of an old RPG called "Paranoia" - each character begins play with six clones, and most games end with maybe three players having one clone each left alive...

 

[Avery_Line]

Your synposis is better than most. You have a tight character focus with personal stakes, and an emotion (sad.) So right there you're ahead of most. I suggest you ditch the rhetorical questions and instead end with a hook.

Your first chapter is, to say the least, confusing. I'm guessing "Allow me" refers to the author, and that this is front matter? If so I would label it as such, like "Glossary of terms used in the story" or something to indicate that this is not the story. Also, personally, I absolutely loathe anything that stands between me and chapter one. It's like forced trailers in a movie. I'm not here to see commercials. I'm here to watch a movie. Please for the love of christ play the movie and I'll read the glossary on my own time.

You've written this in third person omniscient, but it is clearly Lee Seung's story. So I think 3PO is a strange choice given this clear focus on a main character. It wouldn't be too difficult to re-write this as third person limited since you are only six chapters in. Then the reader could benefit from Lee's internal conclusions and emotions instead of seeing it from the outside and narrated to us. 3PO is limiting you so completely that you are tripping over yourself to reveal detail, such as Lee Seung literally speaking exposition out loud to his apartment walls:

"I have to feed myself and get a new house because the government has sent an evacuation warning. I have two weeks to get a new apartment before this gets demolished. I'll need money for rent, so I have to be fast about becoming awakened."

You could do so, so much more with this from third person limited:

Lee Seung tried to avoid looking at the red paper on the coffee table. But his eyes went there regardless, drawn by desperation: an evacuation warning from the government. Lee's stomach clenched with anxiety. In two weeks, this apartment would be demolished into a pile of rubble. Lee had to gather all of his things and find somewhere else to go. He had nowhere. No one to ask. Isolation closed in on him as he read the notice for the dozenth time, hand trembling.
He could ask Miss Kim. She seemed to like him. But that meant opening up. That had always resulted in rejection.
Maybe tomorrow, he told himself. But, just as every day previous, he knew he was lying to himself. Lee crumpled the page and hurled it across the room.

 

[Kutley]

Your synposis is better than most. You have a tight character focus with personal stakes, and an emotion (sad.) So right there you're ahead of most. I suggest you ditch the rhetorical questions and instead end with a hook.

Your first chapter is, to say the least, confusing. I'm guessing "Allow me" refers to the author, and that this is front matter? If so I would label it as such, like "Glossary of terms used in the story" or something to indicate that this is not the story. Also, personally, I absolutely loathe anything that stands between me and chapter one. It's like forced trailers in a movie. I'm not here to see commercials. I'm here to watch a movie. Please for the love of christ play the movie and I'll read the glossary on my own time.

You've written this in third person omniscient, but it is clearly Lee Seung's story. So I think 3PO is a strange choice given this clear focus on a main character. It wouldn't be too difficult to re-write this as third person limited since you are only six chapters in. Then the reader could benefit from Lee's internal conclusions and emotions instead of seeing it from the outside and narrated to us. 3PO is limiting you so completely that you are tripping over yourself to reveal detail, such as Lee Seung literally speaking exposition out loud to his apartment walls:

"I have to feed myself and get a new house because the government has sent an evacuation warning. I have two weeks to get a new apartment before this gets demolished. I'll need money for rent, so I have to be fast about becoming awakened."

You could do so, so much more with this from third person limited:

Lee Seung tried to avoid looking at the red paper on the coffee table. But his eyes went there regardless, drawn by desperation: an evacuation warning from the government. Lee's stomach clenched with anxiety. In two weeks, this apartment would be demolished into a pile of rubble. Lee had to gather all of his things and find somewhere else to go. He had nowhere. No one to ask. Isolation closed in on him as he read the notice for the dozenth time, hand trembling.
He could ask Miss Kim. She seemed to like him. But that meant opening up. That had always resulted in rejection.
Maybe tomorrow, he told himself. But, just as every day previous, he knew he was lying to himself. Lee crumpled the page and hurled it across the room.

Thanks a lot! Your suggestion has been really helpful after I started implementing it! Thanks a lot!

That's a little subtle - missed it myself twice.
Try: Dual Levelling: I level up with my clones | Scribble Hub

The concept reminds me of an old RPG called "Paranoia" - each character begins play with six clones, and most games end with maybe three players having one clone each left alive...

Thanks. The premise is nice, right? What further improvements do you think i should make?

That's a little subtle - missed it myself twice.
Try: Dual Levelling: I level up with my clones | Scribble Hub

The concept reminds me of an old RPG called "Paranoia" - each character begins play with six clones, and most games end with maybe three players having one clone each left alive...

Thanks. The premise is nice, right? What further improvements do you think i should make?

This sounds like a Manhwa I read one time.

May I make a guess? Auto Hunting With My Clones

 

[CharlesEBrown]

Thanks. The premise is nice, right? What further improvements do you think i should make?

Have it saved to look at later but have not started reading any of it yet, so no advice so far.