I HAVE NO TRASHCAN, BUT I MUST SCREAM

[TheEldritchGod]

I work for NYS in a many letter agency. It runs group homes. I work Upstate.

About 5 years ago, some moron working in a different division at a group home found one of the industrial trashcans was broken, so he called the trash company and requested a replacement. They asked:

"How many you need?"
"I dunno. We got a lot of people here. Send us as many as you can."

And lo, they got 12 industrial trashcans.

They needed two.

What to do with the remaining trashcans?

So the guy asked the house director, "Can I have them?" And the DA2 said, "Sure. Get rid of these damn trashcans!" And he tossed them in the back of the house van, took them home, sanded off the words on the side, and sold the extra trashcans at 50 bucks a pop.

And lo a new business was born.

And our moron went from House to house, bribing the DA2s like a hundred bucks and taking trashcans. He made about 8 GRAND when he was caught.

So now, there is only one person ON THE PLANET allowed to order trashcans, FOR THE ENTIRE STATE.

Forward to two years ago.
I take out four trashcans on a sunday night. On a monday afternoon, I bring back three, because the trashguys broke one. I report this to the DA2. The DA2 never reports the broken trashcan. It's fine. We usually only use 2.

Forward to one year ago,
I take out three trashcans on a sunday night. On a monday Afternoon, I bring back 2. Another one broken. I report the broken trashcan. The DA2 never reports the broken trashcan. The DA2 quit a month later. New DA2 arrives.

Forward to 4 months ago.
I take out two trashcans on a sunday night. On a monday afternoon, I bring back one.

This. Is. A. Problem.

I tell the NEW DA2, we only have one trashcan. She asks, How many should we have? I say, FOUR! She goes, Okay. I will request, three trashcans.

Man in albany gets request for three trashcans.
Sees we already had four and only lost one. WHY ARE WE REQUESTING THREE TRASHCANS???

Denied.

Hey, we only have one trashcan.
No, you have three. That's enough.
No, We only have one.
No, You have three.
No. We don't. Look Pictures.
YOU COULD BE HIDING TWO OF YOUR TRASHCANS.

*blink*

No. Seriously. We only have one trashcan. They won't pick up trash that isn't in a trashcan. They leave loose bags of trash on the side of the road and don't pick them up.

THEN YOU NEED TO DO A TRASHCAN AUDIT.

*blink*

Okay. There is, apparently, a form for auditing how many trashcans you have and to assess your trashcan needs.

Fill out form.
DA2 sends form to DA3 for processing.
DA3 runs the entire team.
DA3 already put down that we only had 1 trashcan and spent our trashcan allotment for the fiscal quarter to other houses.

But... you don't pay for trashcans. They get sent to us by the trash company.

NOPE. YOU CANNOT GET MORE TRASHCANS UNTIL THE NEXT FISCAL QUARTER.

Last night, Sunday, I took out one trashcan.

The trash guys came early.

As I was pulling out of the driveway...





I saw the trashcan was broken.

 

[RepresentingDesire]

Well you and your coworkers have surely a problem now.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Well you and your coworkers have surely a problem now.

You'd think that. Especially since the DA2 called in for the rest of the month.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Ah beaurocracy. Is this why NYC has a trash problem?

 

[Representing_Tromba]

All humans are trashcans in the sense that if you stomp hard enough on their foot/pedal, they open their mouth.

 

[RavenRunes]

I had a similar problem a few years. Council flats stole my bin. Denied all knowledge. Took them 6 months of complaints to get me a new one. They asked me, in the middle of one of the hottest summers, could I 'store my black bin bags in the kitchen.'
Oooh yes, I would love rats! What a great idea! Also love the idea of my then-toddler crawling about in rotting rubbish! You feckers.
Or, I can bring them down the road to your fecking offices and drop them off there??

That threat didn't go down well. A week later I got a new bin.

 

[georgelee5786]

A very unique problem

 

[Notadate]

The ocean is just one big trash can

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Ah beaurocracy. Is this why NYC has a trash problem?

Actually, that was because the Mob took over the Trash Business. It worked well until the FBI managed to break it up and arrest the criminals involved in the "corpse disposal" business. After everyone got arrested, the quality of Trash collection absolutely tanked. Met the guy who spear-headed the sting operation. He lives in the middle of nowhere under the witness protection program. For obvious reasons, I don't know the specifics.

The ocean is just one big trash can

I'm in Syracuse. We're land locked. However, we did do that for a while with the lake nearby. It became so contaminated with mercury the fish started mutating. When people who fished for fun (they threw the fish back in after catching them) caught a fish with SEVEN EYES (two on one side, Five on the other) up and down the length of the fish, well people took notice.

The local government tried to pass it off as "evolution" The fish would find it easier to see preditors and prey in the deep water.

Yeah, nobody bought it.

And so they began the long and expensive process of cleaning up the lake.

So, It is quite illegal to go dumping trash around here.
QUITE, illegal.

Fun Fact: My Home town was near an unofficial worksite for the Manhattan Project. There was a patch of ground past some rusty fences where there was a mostly buried military truck sticking bumper first out of the ground. Everything was dead around it. We used to toss snapers (little explosives) into the area and the little bit of gun powder mixed with gravel would ignite the fumes seeping from the ground and cause the most interesting color of flames to skip and dance along the ground.

I think the place became a superfund cleanup site and now they grow Christmas trees.

A very unique problem

Alas, no. No, it is not. It is far more common a problem than you imagine. Oh, the specifics change, but the bureaucratic insanity remains the same. From ordering birthday cake to changing a lightbulb.

No. I am not kidding about the lightbulb. If I were to explain how hard it is to LEGALLY by the RULES change a lightbulb, you'd think I was lying. But I'm a troublemaker. I'm like that rogue HVAC repairman in the movie Brazil. Secretly changing lightbulbs without calling maintenance or properly filling out the forms. It didn't used to be that bad, but some moron stacked three chairs on top of each other to reach a lightbulb at the top of a stairwell and, surprise and shock, fell down and hurt herself, then sued NYS and won.

So, because of ONE MORON who clearly wanted to die with what she did, I cannot change a lightbulb on a lamp without a form and contacting a properly approved and trained certified lightbulb replacer guy. And yes, I talked to him when I called him to replace a lightbulb I couldn't reach. He is, indeed, trained and certified by NYS in the process of lightbulb replacement.

FML.

And people wonder why I'm for smaller government, even though I'm a government employee.

 

[Notadate]

plain bad luck when one person can approve anything.