SHF High-school Fanfic

[MidnightFox]

I am cooking.

Good, you understand my character better than the others in class

 

[MatchaChocolate69]

Hmm... Borscht with pork, olivier, sliced sausage and cheese, pancakes with condensed milk and tea with biscuits. Should be enough for a growing boy! I'll cook some more food while you eat that. I have a feeling you might enjoy some potato salad.

Ah, this is quite disappointing my eldritch Babushka!
I have the perfect recipe for exploiting your characteristics of Slavic mama and Russian eldritch horror:

ELDRITCH VODKA PASTA
Ah, crafting this recipe requires a steady hand, a fiery heart, and of course, a dash of culinary wickedness that only I, Lord Matcha, can provide. Follow closely, my faithful ally, as I guide you through the steps to create this masterpiece, worthy of being served in the darkest dining halls and the most disreputable taverns of the entire multiverse and in the most diverse and cursed timelines.

Ingredients:​

• 400g of pasta, preferably striped penne, for better sauce retention.
• 80ml of vodka, the 9000-degree one directly from you @Simple_Russian_Boi , please. Our goal is to have the maximum flavor to annihilate our guests/enemies on the spot and make them experience a pleasure that they will remember until the rest of their days (i.e., until the end of the meal)
• 250ml of cream, to give that creaminess that softens even the blackest of hearts, provided directly by Lady @Nahrenne .
• 400g of tomato pulp, yes, the one taken directly from Ane-San @DannyTheDaikon 's enchanted gardens. Only the best for my dish.
• 1 small onion, To make my faithful Seymour happy. Finely chopped, just as we chop the hopes of our enemies.
• 2 cloves of garlic, to ward off not just vampires ( @RepresentingEnvy ) but also uninvited culinary critics.
• Chili pepper to taste, the eldritch kind (I think @Azure_Fog can hep with that), because every true villain knows a bit of heat always adds that extra touch.
• Extra virgin olive oil, stolen directly from @Reinaislost 's secret reserves. Only the most audacious theft can guarantee the finest oil.
• Salt and pepper, because even in evil, details matter.
• Grated Parmesan, for garnish. Stolen from @Corty 's pantry, naturally.

Method:​

1. Preparation of the battlefield: Start by heating the oil in a large pan. Add the chopped onion and garlic, sautéing them until they become translucent and their fragrance has subdued every other aroma in the kitchen.
2. Infiltration of the vodka: Pour the vodka into the pan and let it ignite a flame worthy of @Prince_Azmiran_Myrian the dragon. This will not only impress your guests but will burn off the alcohol, leaving behind only the pure flavor.
3. Assault of the tomatoes: Add the tomato pulp and a pinch of chili pepper. Cook over medium heat for about 10 minutes, until the sauce begins to reduce, much like the morale of my enemies under my onslaught.
4. Arrival of the creamy reinforcements: Pour the cream into the pan, stirring well to combine the flavors. Adjust the salt and pepper, and continue cooking for another 5 minutes, until the sauce becomes rich and velvety, like my black chocolate heart.
5. The final conquest: Meanwhile, cook the pasta in abundant salted water, following the package instructions for perfect al dente. Drain the pasta and transfer it to the pan with the sauce, stirring vigorously to ensure each piece is well coated in the glory of your triumph.
6. The coup de grâce: Serve the pasta piping hot, garnished with grated Parmesan, as if scattering the ashes of your enemies across the battlefield.

The kitchen is a battlefield, and in it I am always victorious.
Such a perfect recipe would be appreciated even by a mortal enemy like @Stealthy_Enigma.

 

[SRB]

Ah, this is quite disappointing my eldritch Babushka!
I have the perfect recipe for exploiting your characteristics of Slavic mama and Russian eldritch horror:

ELDRITCH VODKA PASTA
Ah, crafting this recipe requires a steady hand, a fiery heart, and of course, a dash of culinary wickedness that only I, Lord Matcha, can provide. Follow closely, my faithful ally, as I guide you through the steps to create this masterpiece, worthy of being served in the darkest dining halls and the most disreputable taverns of the entire multiverse and in the most diverse and cursed timelines.

Ingredients:​

• 400g of pasta, preferably striped penne, for better sauce retention.
• 80ml of vodka, the 9000-degree one directly from you @Simple_Russian_Boi , please. Our goal is to have the maximum flavor to annihilate our guests/enemies on the spot and make them experience a pleasure that they will remember until the rest of their days (i.e., until the end of the meal)
• 250ml of cream, to give that creaminess that softens even the blackest of hearts, provided directly by Lady @Nahrenne .
• 400g of tomato pulp, yes, the one taken directly from Ane-San @DannyTheDaikon 's enchanted gardens. Only the best for my dish.
• 1 small onion, To make my faithful Seymour happy. Finely chopped, just as we chop the hopes of our enemies.
• 2 cloves of garlic, to ward off not just vampires ( @RepresentingEnvy ) but also uninvited culinary critics.
• Chili pepper to taste, the eldritch kind (I think @Azure_Fog can hep with that), because every true villain knows a bit of heat always adds that extra touch.
• Extra virgin olive oil, stolen directly from @Reinaislost 's secret reserves. Only the most audacious theft can guarantee the finest oil.
• Salt and pepper, because even in evil, details matter.
• Grated Parmesan, for garnish. Stolen from @Corty 's pantry, naturally.

Method:​

1. Preparation of the battlefield: Start by heating the oil in a large pan. Add the chopped onion and garlic, sautéing them until they become translucent and their fragrance has subdued every other aroma in the kitchen.
2. Infiltration of the vodka: Pour the vodka into the pan and let it ignite a flame worthy of @Prince_Azmiran_Myrian the dragon. This will not only impress your guests but will burn off the alcohol, leaving behind only the pure flavor.
3. Assault of the tomatoes: Add the tomato pulp and a pinch of chili pepper. Cook over medium heat for about 10 minutes, until the sauce begins to reduce, much like the morale of my enemies under my onslaught.
4. Arrival of the creamy reinforcements: Pour the cream into the pan, stirring well to combine the flavors. Adjust the salt and pepper, and continue cooking for another 5 minutes, until the sauce becomes rich and velvety, like my black chocolate heart.
5. The final conquest: Meanwhile, cook the pasta in abundant salted water, following the package instructions for perfect al dente. Drain the pasta and transfer it to the pan with the sauce, stirring vigorously to ensure each piece is well coated in the glory of your triumph.
6. The coup de grâce: Serve the pasta piping hot, garnished with grated Parmesan, as if scattering the ashes of your enemies across the battlefield.

The kitchen is a battlefield, and in it I am always victorious.
Such a perfect recipe would be appreciated even by a mortal enemy like @Stealthy_Enigma.

You've got me a new recipe? Why, how kindly evil of you! There's just a small worry I have in mind, my dear son...

You'll melt after the first bite.
And I don't want that.

My son you might be, but eldritch you are not.

 

[Corty]

Grated Parmesan, for garnish. Stolen from @Corty 's pantry, naturally.

That was a cheezy move....

 

[MidnightFox]

You didn't reply to these messages for some reason @MatchaChocolate69

This gives me an idea for the future, why not make MatchaFedora your alternate personality, it would make you a better villain (at the very least for the memes)

My younger sister (IRL) is born in the year of the dragon and we're complete opposites but we get along just fine maybe it's because we're both Libra?

 

[SsemouyOnan]

You've got me a new recipe? Why, how kindly evil of you! There's just a small worry I have in mind, my dear son...

You'll melt after the first bite.
And I don't want that.

My son you might be, but eldritch you are not.

holds up eldritch antidote
will this do?

 

[SRB]

holds up eldritch antidote
will this do?

Nah, it's for the poison, not for vodka. We'll need something different...

 

[SsemouyOnan]

Nah, it's for the poison, not for vodka. We'll need something different...

Hmm, didn't I survive the 9000° Vodka just fine? If it's Lord Matcha, then surely he can withstand it with but a stratch.

 

[SRB]

ELDRITCH VODKA PASTA

Spoiler: Human-friendly pasta

Spoiler: Eldritch pasta

 

[MidnightFox]

Spoiler: Human-friendly pasta

View attachment 25795

Spoiler: Eldritch pasta

View attachment 25797

And what's the difference (fyi i'm drunk irl)

 

[RepresentingDesire]

I did base her character a somewhat on a certain detective that's both Witch and Human. So yes, she's one evil loli.

Please elaborate.

Spoiler: Human-friendly pasta

View attachment 25795

Spoiler: Eldritch pasta

View attachment 25797

Yummy.

 

[SRB]

And what's the difference (fyi i'm drunk irl)

The first one is safe to consume by humans and beings on their power level.

The second one is eldritch-made down to the baisic ingredients. It may not look like much, but only a few could enjoy it's taste. Normal people will be in unimaginable pain, after which they will be consumed by millions of nightmares that are always very close to their consciousness.

 

[MidnightFox]

they will be consumed by millions of nightmares that are always very close to their consciousness.

AKA real life

 

[SRB]

AKA real life

ye

 

[Nahrenne]

I'm back.

Welcome back!
Those pics make me think of the Joker and Harlequin for some reason.
'-'

Oke, time for a tour!

*supports you by the legs so that you don't fall*

To be fair, there's nothing much to look at, it's your usual mil- err... summer camp base. Can't really say anything straight, so I'll use analogies.

To begin with, I should say that I am not in the summer camp itself, but in another place. In the department where they deal with camp members who have violated the rules. You could call it a Camp Court.

On the first floor we got assistants' offices and the rooms where the cases are "conducted". Also we've got the "bedroom" where the four of us "workers" spent our free time.

On the second floor, the only interesting things are the billiard room and the kitchen. We're all cooking our own food here. All other rooms are occupied by other employees and the big boss himself.

That's pretty much it. I guess I could tell you about the summer camp itself, but that needs to wait for the end of october.

Ohhh.
'o'
So where's the bonking room?

I did base her character a somewhat on a certain detective that's both Witch and Human. So yes, she's one evil loli. I even have a bit planned where regular Ssemouy's clothes don't fit on her so she has to borrow from someone else.

'-'
What character?
From an anime?

Ehem.

Spoiler: 7 foot tall evil Danish man

View attachment 25786

Everything except the face is hot.
'-'

250ml of cream, to give that creaminess that softens even the blackest of hearts, provided directly by Lady @Nahrenne .

Provided directly by me...

*stares at her chest*
'-'
When did I have children for such stuff to come out of me?
*is confused*

MC69...did you do something to me without my knowledge?


X

 

[SsemouyOnan]

Please elaborate.

What character?
From an anime?

Uh, I'm lazy to use words. So here's her song instead.

Spoiler: warning: the r-word is dropped

The (slight)resemblance in the outfit and appearance was unintentional... it just turned out that way >_>

Everything except the face is hot.
'-'

The face is actually quite attractive to me, strangely.

 

[Nahrenne]

The (slight)resemblance in the outfit and appearance was unintentional... it just turned out that way >_>

'o'
Interesting...

The face is actually quite attractive to me, strangely.

Huh.
Well, everyone has different preferences.
Nothing wrong with that.
(^-^)

X

 

[SRB]

Ohhh.
'o'
So where's the bonking room?

The what rooms? Can you please elaborate?

Everything except the face is hot.
'-'

Really? I thought he looked decent enough.

Provided directly by me...

*stares at her chest*
'-'
When did I have children for such stuff to come out of me?
*is confused*

MC69...did you do something to me without my knowledge?


X

I don''t think that's what he ment...

 

[Nahrenne]

The what rooms? Can you please elaborate?

The room you spar in?
And receive punishment in?

I don''t think that's what he ment...

How do you get cream directly from someone then?
'-'

X

 

[Azure_Fog]

Ah, right, I forgot normal people can't exactly shrug off Eldritch stuff...
*hands you the antidote*
Use with care, ebil minion!

An antidote won’t help~ You need a shield~

I want to blow something up.

Good idea~

Should we put firework or bombs in toilet?

Fireworks~

Make it a glitter bomb. The ultimate evil invention ever. Janitor would go bald from all that mess probably

And he isn’t already~?

Sadly glitter cannot rearrange your atoms and isn't highly radioactive, unless... @Voidiris can you make it so?

*hands Eldritch glitter*

I'm back.

You should go back to wherever you were~

MATCHA-KUN ANE-SAN MISSED YOU SO MUCH TOOO!!!! Now our family can be together again

The only one you need is me, Danny~
*wraps arms around*
*pulls away*
After all, your mine for~e~ver~

*hugs her tightly*

*stabs repeatedly*

Alright, @Simple_Russian_Boi. Which one do you want to represent your final(for now) form?

Spoiler: The Images

View attachment 25788
View attachment 25789View attachment 25790View attachment 25791View attachment 25792View attachment 25793

All of them at once~

Chili pepper to taste, the eldritch kind (I think @Azure_Fog can hep with that), because every true villain knows a bit of heat always adds that extra touch.

…
The chili peppers are hotter than the Big Bang and dramas enough to be a black hole.