Corty's Feedback Corner (Kinda... Read the first post!) --- Open until further notice.

[AdOtherwise]

Lowly Ascent

Within a desolate realm, where discarded worlds were stitched together, a rupture tore open, releasing a small child into the fragmented expanse. Above him, the sky revealed three eerie moons, while an ominous black mass loomed ominously in their wake. Disoriented and engulfed by a putrid...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[KDBooks97]

This is an interesting take on feedback! These are things I've been wondering about if my story has an effective cover/synopsis/etc. Let me know your thoughts. Criticisms welcome!

The Miserably Macabre Tales of Luna Samuels

'My name is Faith Elizabeth Samuels. Well, it used to be, before I left my fundamentalist helicopter parents and started going by Luna... My counselor tells me writing will help me to 'heal'. Somehow, writing my feelings of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts will negate a...

www.scribblehub.com

This is an interesting take on feedback! These are things I've been wondering about if my story has an effective cover/synopsis/etc. Let me know your thoughts. Criticisms welcome!

The Miserably Macabre Tales of Luna Samuels

'My name is Faith Elizabeth Samuels. Well, it used to be, before I left my fundamentalist helicopter parents and started going by Luna... My counselor tells me writing will help me to 'heal'. Somehow, writing my feelings of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts will negate a...

www.scribblehub.com

I've also been wondering if I should swap my paragraphs around for the synopsis.

 

[Corty]

Lowly Ascent

Within a desolate realm, where discarded worlds were stitched together, a rupture tore open, releasing a small child into the fragmented expanse. Above him, the sky revealed three eerie moons, while an ominous black mass loomed ominously in their wake. Disoriented and engulfed by a putrid...

www.scribblehub.com

• Cover

I like the easily discernable cover and that everything is neatly visible. I guess because it says volume two there was another cover before? If the third will have the same design it's all good.

• Title

Simple, just how I like it. Already tells me something about what to expect of the MC and about the main premise. I may be repeating myself here, but this is what I think and this is what I like. On-point titles that tell me everything I need to know what the book could be about.

• Synopsis

Reminds me of how I approach writing my synopses so I can find no fault in it. It tells me the background of the world without spoon-feeding me facts about the story. It paints me the image that this will be a dark fantasy story and prepares the reader to not expect sunshine and carebears. Nice.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

Tags and genres are well chosen, describing the story and what to expect. Nice.

• Chapter Titles

All good.

Final thoughts:

• To the reading list, it goes!

This is an interesting take on feedback! These are things I've been wondering about if my story has an effective cover/synopsis/etc. Let me know your thoughts. Criticisms welcome!

The Miserably Macabre Tales of Luna Samuels

'My name is Faith Elizabeth Samuels. Well, it used to be, before I left my fundamentalist helicopter parents and started going by Luna... My counselor tells me writing will help me to 'heal'. Somehow, writing my feelings of depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts will negate a...

www.scribblehub.com

I've also been wondering if I should swap my paragraphs around for the synopsis.

• Cover

I really like the simplicity of it. Although I also know it is not eye-catching for today's audiences. That is the simple fact, sadly. But I think it's nice because it is in sync with the synopsis.

• Title

I thought about saying it is long, but thinking more, no, it is good. It can't be shortened, and I see no problems with it. Repeating it a few times, I think I like how it sounds.

• Synopsis

It already tells me this is a first-person-POV story, which can be important for readers. Nice. It also gives us a glance into what to expect from the MC and her state of mind with a little bit of background and what vibe the story will have... It also reinforces the cover choice. I like it when the cover, title, and synopsis are in harmony.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts, as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

All important things are there; no readers should be surprised by the story's elements and topics. Nice.

• Chapter Titles

I would start numbering them. It helps out the author and the readers too. Numbered chapters help navigate, tell readers how much they can binge, and when searching for something that happened earlier, you just need to jot down the chapter number.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

 

[Seaspecter]

Anna’s Dream

This web novel is about Anna the only child of the enigmatic being known as The Dreamer. Join her as she travels a world filled with magic and wonders. She's not the chosen one, she has no destiny and there's no telling what she's going to do next, other than...

www.scribblehub.com

If you’re not to busy.

 

[Deleted member 120990]

The Sleeping Giant is a Cute Vampire

Melle ventures up a cold mountain looking for her sleeping giant. The only thing she finds is a cute vampire named Enora. Enora takes her away to a different world, so Melle can find her 'sleeping giant'. RR: https://www.royalroad.com/profile/353947 I made a discord! https://discord.gg/...

www.scribblehub.com

The synopsis is only the first three sentences before RR link.

 

[KDBooks97]

• Title

I thought about saying it is long, but thinking more, no, it is good. It can't be shortened, and I see no problems with it. Repeating it a few times, I think I like how it sounds.

• Chapter Titles

I would start numbering them. It helps out the author and the readers too. Numbered chapters help navigate, tell readers how much they can binge, and when searching for something that happened earlier, you just need to jot down the chapter number.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

-Title: Your thoughts about the title exactly mirror my own. I originally thought it might detract from the story but as I've written more, it fits really well and sets the rather snarky tone of the whole book. That and it's memorable, easy to search for.

-Chapter Titles: I have heard multiple comments about this from multiple sources! I will absolutely take this into account and change this, as you're not the only reader to bring this up.

Overall, a great review and I thank you for the feedback!

 

[Corty]

Anna’s Dream

This web novel is about Anna the only child of the enigmatic being known as The Dreamer. Join her as she travels a world filled with magic and wonders. She's not the chosen one, she has no destiny and there's no telling what she's going to do next, other than...

www.scribblehub.com

If you’re not to busy.

• Cover

Simple, charming, nothing to stand out. It is nice but if seen on the front page, my eyes would glance over it. Well, maybe the hair color would catch my attention. Can't tell for sure though. This does not mean it is a bad cover. Maybe it needs a title card or something. I can't point my finger at the reason but if just seen on the front page, it wouldn't catch my eye 3 out of 5 times.

• Title

Nice and simple. Reading it two things came to mind: Either it is about her dream, the thing she wants to accomplish, or it is about dream-like worlds. The latter sounded really nice in my head so that would have me click on it and look at the synopsis.

• Synopsis

And bang, there it is, the thing I was curious about was right. That does sound cool and something with great potential. Nuff said, that is a hook I think is really good.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts, as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

I would be happy to see more tags. A little sneak-peak about what kind of worlds can we expect if we start reading the story.

• Chapter Titles

Numbering is good. I know it is hard to give every single chapter a title, but I would try it. People glancing over the chapter list can get a feel of what to expect which in turn can increase the chance of reading it.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

The Sleeping Giant is a Cute Vampire

Melle ventures up a cold mountain looking for her sleeping giant. The only thing she finds is a cute vampire named Enora. Enora takes her away to a different world, so Melle can find her 'sleeping giant'. RR: https://www.royalroad.com/profile/353947 I made a discord! https://discord.gg/...

www.scribblehub.com

The synopsis is only the first three sentences before RR link.

• Cover

Nice image and without reading the title it already has a vampy-vibe.

• Title

The title is okay, but it made me question what giants have to do with vampires. Or is this a metaphor?

• Synopsis

That is too short for my taste. Plus it doesn't answer the question in my head for the metaphor which I can see is the point. And the premise of the story, so fair point there. But... it is still a too-short synopsis and there was not enough meat or hook to catch me and make me wonder how much I want to find out what a "sleeping giant" is.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts, as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

The tags did make me a bit more interested but... yeah. I feel I was given too little to get excited. It would be a story that I bookmark and remember later to read when I come across it on the front page.

• Chapter Titles

All good here

Final thoughts:

• Bland. Nothing looked interesting.

 

[Deleted member 120990]

• Cover

Simple, charming, nothing to stand out. It is nice but if seen on the front page, my eyes would glance over it. Well, maybe the hair color would catch my attention. Can't tell for sure though. This does not mean it is a bad cover. Maybe it needs a title card or something. I can't point my finger at the reason but if just seen on the front page, it wouldn't catch my eye 3 out of 5 times.

• Title

Nice and simple. Reading it two things came to mind: Either it is about her dream, the thing she wants to accomplish, or it is about dream-like worlds. The latter sounded really nice in my head so that would have me click on it and look at the synopsis.

• Synopsis

And bang, there it is, the thing I was curious about was right. That does sound cool and something with great potential. Nuff said, that is a hook I think is really good.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts, as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

I would be happy to see more tags. A little sneak-peak about what kind of worlds can we expect if we start reading the story.

• Chapter Titles

Numbering is good. I know it is hard to give every single chapter a title, but I would try it. People glancing over the chapter list can get a feel of what to expect which in turn can increase the chance of reading it.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

• Cover

Nice image and without reading the title it already has a vampy-vibe.

• Title

The title is okay, but it made me question what giants have to do with vampires. Or is this a metaphor?

• Synopsis

That is too short for my taste. Plus it doesn't answer the question in my head for the metaphor which I can see is the point. And the premise of the story, so fair point there. But... it is still a too-short synopsis and there was not enough meat or hook to catch me and make me wonder how much I want to find out what a "sleeping giant" is.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts, as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

The tags did make me a bit more interested but... yeah. I feel I was given too little to get excited. It would be a story that I bookmark and remember later to read when I come across it on the front page.

• Chapter Titles

All good here

Final thoughts:

• Bland. Nothing looked interesting.

Bland is perfect! Thank you~

 

[AdOtherwise]

• Cover

I like the easily discernable cover and that everything is neatly visible. I guess because it says volume two there was another cover before? If the third will have the same design it's all good.

• Title

Simple, just how I like it. Already tells me something about what to expect of the MC and about the main premise. I may be repeating myself here, but this is what I think and this is what I like. On-point titles that tell me everything I need to know what the book could be about.

• Synopsis

Reminds me of how I approach writing my synopses so I can find no fault in it. It tells me the background of the world without spoon-feeding me facts about the story. It paints me the image that this will be a dark fantasy story and prepares the reader to not expect sunshine and carebears. Nice.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

Tags and genres are well chosen, describing the story and what to expect. Nice.

• Chapter Titles

All good.

Final thoughts:

• To the reading list, it goes!

• Cover

I really like the simplicity of it. Although I also know it is not eye-catching for today's audiences. That is the simple fact, sadly. But I think it's nice because it is in sync with the synopsis.

• Title

I thought about saying it is long, but thinking more, no, it is good. It can't be shortened, and I see no problems with it. Repeating it a few times, I think I like how it sounds.

• Synopsis

It already tells me this is a first-person-POV story, which can be important for readers. Nice. It also gives us a glance into what to expect from the MC and her state of mind with a little bit of background and what vibe the story will have... It also reinforces the cover choice. I like it when the cover, title, and synopsis are in harmony.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts, as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

All important things are there; no readers should be surprised by the story's elements and topics. Nice.

• Chapter Titles

I would start numbering them. It helps out the author and the readers too. Numbered chapters help navigate, tell readers how much they can binge, and when searching for something that happened earlier, you just need to jot down the chapter number.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

Thank you for the feedback

 

[RyujiSakamata]

Cosplay Elf: Another World Elf’s Journey as My Little Sister and a Cosplayer

Kou is a high school student who is a tough cosplay critic and is determined to manage his favorite cosplayer, Mimirin. His skills make companies chase him for a management offer, but he rejects it all. However, when Mimirin quits the industry, Kou feels lost and is determined to bring...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[Corty]

Cosplay Elf: Another World Elf’s Journey as My Little Sister and a Cosplayer

Kou is a high school student who is a tough cosplay critic and is determined to manage his favorite cosplayer, Mimirin. His skills make companies chase him for a management offer, but he rejects it all. However, when Mimirin quits the industry, Kou feels lost and is determined to bring...

www.scribblehub.com

• Cover

I like the vibrancy, although the second part of the title is unreadable. Besides that, it pops, so it is easily eye-catching, which is good. A cover should catch the browsing reader's eyes.

• Title

I won't lie; it is a bit bland, as there are many other similar stories with similar titles. XYZ in another world. It does not strike me as unique.

• Synopsis

The premise is simple, and that is not a problem. It sets up an easily understandable slice-of-life story. There is great potential in the part where Sera probably despises humans and lands in a world where only humans exist. Probably... because some of the tags can suggest there are other interesting things to come. The potential is there, but there are also problems IMO:

- Right away, the first sentence needs some work. It was hard to follow and made me reread it twice. Not just because of how it is structured but because now I can't tell if he is just an otaku or a manager? Did he have a cosplayer that left him?​

- The last sentence also tells me he was possibly an otaku-type manager... maybe? Also, Sera gives up going home and worrying after getting into cosplay? If yes, that would be a bit... too forced. I would also either rewrite this or make it more vague, as this can be a turnoff.​

​

• Tags

All good.

• Chapter Titles

It's a bit weird. I would number them and then give them the chapter title, and if multiple chapters have the same title, put a number after that, like (1), then (2), and so on. At least, that is how I approach it.

Final thoughts:

• Nothing looked interesting. (It needs work. Not bad, not good)
  • If you fix the issues it goes up to good IMO.

 

[Darkodia]

Take a look at mine, please:
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/879300/sanctuary-compromised-a-zombie-apocalypse-tale/

 

[Corty]

Take a look at mine, please:
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/879300/sanctuary-compromised-a-zombie-apocalypse-tale/

• Cover

The cover is nice, but the title is hard to read on it. I would give it some kind of outline in a color that makes it easier to read and would also shorten it. I would also leave out the "A zombie apocalypse tale" part from the image. Makes it really cluttered and triggers people's "tl;dr" zoomer habits of not reading it.

• Title

The title is nice, and with the cover it already tells the setting. I know I am harping on this, and people need to be spoonfed nowadays everything... but I don't think it is necessary to include that as a zombie thing. It should be pretty evident. But that is just my personal preference, not a knock on anything. It is fine if you leave the title as is.

• Synopsis

Nice one. Perfectly tells what to expect from the MC and also gives the foundation for why he could have everything to be prepared for an outbreak And I mean that we were already informed of the MC's main characteristics, and got to know what he is good at and what not. Makes me curious as to where the story goes, so it's nicely done.

• Tags

All good although I would prefer a bit more tags to get a little non-spoiler glimpse of what are the plans for the story.

• Chapter Titles

It's all good.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention. (Good.)

 

[Seaspecter]

• Cover

Simple, charming, nothing to stand out. It is nice but if seen on the front page, my eyes would glance over it. Well, maybe the hair color would catch my attention. Can't tell for sure though. This does not mean it is a bad cover. Maybe it needs a title card or something. I can't point my finger at the reason but if just seen on the front page, it wouldn't catch my eye 3 out of 5 times.

• Title

Nice and simple. Reading it two things came to mind: Either it is about her dream, the thing she wants to accomplish, or it is about dream-like worlds. The latter sounded really nice in my head so that would have me click on it and look at the synopsis.

• Synopsis

And bang, there it is, the thing I was curious about was right. That does sound cool and something with great potential. Nuff said, that is a hook I think is really good.

I won't touch upon the what-to-expect and disclaimer parts, as those are not really part of the synopsis.

• Tags

I would be happy to see more tags. A little sneak-peak about what kind of worlds can we expect if we start reading the story.

• Chapter Titles

Numbering is good. I know it is hard to give every single chapter a title, but I would try it. People glancing over the chapter list can get a feel of what to expect which in turn can increase the chance of reading it.

Final thoughts:

• Hm... Sounds nice. You got my attention.

The cover is actually a placeholder, see I got a bunch of artists to draw the MC so I could pick the one I liked the most and then get them to draw me the cover this was the one, but I spent a lot of money doing that and I just don't want to shell out anymore yet so I tossed that pic up there until I decide to.

As far as the tags go I have been adding them but I usually end up drawing a blank when I try to think of what else I could put to describe my story, the same thing goes for the chapter titles.

 

[Story_Marc]

I like how different a concept this is for one of these threads! I'm game for it, with The Confessions of Cassidy Cain & The Ties That Blind.

 

[Corty]

I like how different a concept this is for one of these threads! I'm game for it, with The Confessions of Cassidy Cain & The Ties That Blind.

I'm going to do them at once as looking at them; I would just copy-paste my opinion each time.

• Cover

Professional covers that are immediately adaptable to physical book format. Nuff said~

• Title

No issues whatsoever. The first book introduces the main character in the title, too, and later on, the following volumes can focus on what the story is about. Nice. I know, the books have a bit longer ones with the "Grandmaster of Theft #1" subtitle also added to the main title list, but that is how web novels work. I get it.

• Synopsis

Both are nice. The first one sets up who the MC is, what her profession is, what to expect from the story, and what the main conflict is so we can decide if the book is for us or not. The second one has more girth to it, which I like, and in a similar fashion. What I would only suggest is in the second book's synopses, in the middle one. The second sentence feels too long. Maybe it could be broken up? Dunno, it just felt a bit too long. I suffer from the same problem as I tend to write waaay too long sentences that I then try to break up for the readers.

• Tags

Nice and tidy.

• Chapter Titles

It's all good.

Final thoughts:

• To the reading list, it goes! (Very interesting!)

 

[manwithastick]

Toward Demarcus. | Royal Road

Highly Inspired by Tbate, Lotm and Jobless Reincarnation amongst others. Expect rich world building like Lotm, character developments like Jobless Reincarnation and Hype moments similar to Tbate. The past memories that were like shackles bounding me was one lifted up when I found myself...

www.royalroad.com

 

[Corty]

Toward Demarcus. | Royal Road

Highly Inspired by Tbate, Lotm and Jobless Reincarnation amongst others. Expect rich world building like Lotm, character developments like Jobless Reincarnation and Hype moments similar to Tbate. The past memories that were like shackles bounding me was one lifted up when I found myself...

www.royalroad.com

First and last non-SH review I do.

• Cover

The cover is nice, but it does not stand out. It doesn't tell me much about the story. It looks a bit dark, but with an added, colored title on it could balance it out and be more eye-catching.

• Title

Felt a bit weird. I can get it probably has a meaning besides a name but I had to look up its meaning and could only really find anything that gave it an underlying tone to the story in Urban Dictionary. If I saw it on the front page I would only click on it because I first misread it as Damascus.

• Synopsis

The synopsis is good and I do like the twofold approach. One from the MC's point of view and one from an omniscient one. But it would also raise a question for me as to how the novel reads. Which POV are we following? Or is it a mix? Maybe add a note about it to the "what to expect" part of the synopsis.

• Tags

It's okay.

• Chapter Titles

It's fine.

Final thoughts:

• Nothing looked interesting. (It needs work. Not bad, not good)
  • Besides the synopsis, the cover and title didn't grab my attention so if I just came across it on the front page, I would skim over it.

 

[Story_Marc]

I'm going to do them at once as looking at them; I would just copy-paste my opinion each time.

• Cover

Professional covers that are immediately adaptable to physical book format. Nuff said~

• Title

No issues whatsoever. The first book introduces the main character in the title, too, and later on, the following volumes can focus on what the story is about. Nice. I know, the books have a bit longer ones with the "Grandmaster of Theft #1" subtitle also added to the main title list, but that is how web novels work. I get it.

• Synopsis

Both are nice. The first one sets up who the MC is, what her profession is, what to expect from the story, and what the main conflict is so we can decide if the book is for us or not. The second one has more girth to it, which I like, and in a similar fashion. What I would only suggest is in the second book's synopses, in the middle one. The second sentence feels too long. Maybe it could be broken up? Dunno, it just felt a bit too long. I suffer from the same problem as I tend to write waaay too long sentences that I then try to break up for the readers.

• Tags

Nice and tidy.

• Chapter Titles

It's all good.

Final thoughts:

• To the reading list, it goes! (Very interesting!)

You definitely raise a good point about that second sentence being too long. I tried to summarize so much in it. I'll see what I can do to fix that, thank you!

 

[Azure_Fog]

This sounds fun. Take a look when you get a chance please.
https://www.scribblehub.com/series/857739/diary-of-an-adventuring-vampire/