Is this house a home

[Deleted member 84247]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster_House_(film)

 

[TheEldritchGod]

Yeah. The house loves me. Right up until I Tim the tool man that house.

I once made my fridge explode in a shower of sparks trying to fix a fan in the garage.

Oh. I want to clarify something.

I went out to the garage to test the fan (heating fan, so I knew it would be a huge power draw) and I used the same circuit as the garage door opener because it was ON ITS OWN DEDICATED LINE. And it used a lot of power. So I disconnect the garage door opener, start trying to fix the fan. I'm testing the fan. My wife screams. The back of the fridge had exploded in sparks and the circuit for the garage was blown out.

Now, somehow, it also blows out a second line that covers the lights in the bedrooms. This is a separate line from the fridge and garage door opener.

So I call in an electrician because I NEED A FRIDGE. He spends hours trying to fix this. And come to find out, the circuit the fridge is on is FINE. The breaker on the garage and the lights is shared, but separate (I don't get it) but the fridge line was totally unaffected and NOT CONNECTED TO THE OTHER TWO.

How did the fridge burst into sparks and burn out?

Well, in the end, the eletrician said, "Fucked if I know. I think it was a coincidence. It was going to blow anyways."

So I replaced the fridge.

...

Think that's funny?

Well, when you have an in ground sprinkler system, you need to blow out the water every year before winter or the water will freeze in the ground and fuck it up. SO. I, sick of paying to have someone do it, have a power washer and apparently you can get an air blowing attachment to blow out the in ground sprinker hoses.

Okay. Sounds like a bargain. It's the cost of hiring someone for one year anyways. Buy the attachment. Hook it up. I watched the guy do it before. SOMEHOW, I hook it up to the wrong side of the shut off to prevent the air from going the wrong way. However, it doesn't go into the water intake. No no no... I somehow blow the air into the sewer line.

Now, does that sound bad? Actually, no. it made the toilets gurgle, but other than that, not a big deal... except... well... did you know toilets have vents? Specifically, the toilet on the third floor of my old house (it was a quad-level split home, so four half floors.) and there is a vent to the roof. A tube to vent the fumes with a little metal cone on the top to stop water from coming down.

Apparently, the reason why that bathroom was stinky, was because something, I think a squirrel (hard to tell from the corpse), had crawled inside, died, and got mummified in the vent pipe.

So, when the air pressure filled the sewer line, it forced the desiccated critter corpse to shoot out the top. It plowed into the little metal cap and shot up into the air.

Somehow, in defiance to all known laws of physics, it went UP, to the side, somehow BOOMERANG'D back and crashed into the living room window.

HOW?

How do you GO UP from the BACK HALF OF THE ROOF ON THE TOP FLOOR, Angle OUT to the front of the house, SOMEHOW curve back and come CRASHING into the living room, I have no fucking Idea. There was no wind. There are no trees to bounce off of. I can only assume that the little bugger, as soon as it got that little metal cone cap on its head, channeled the spirit of a Viet Cong and in vengeance against my father who fought in Vietnam, redirected the rotting corpse to curve around and crash into my living room, scaring the ever living shit out of my wife.

Because physics cannot explain how the fuck it happened.

No no no. There is no house that would fall in love with me. Houses live in FEAR of me.

 

[melchi]

You can't fool me. This is almost the exact premise for the movie Sinister.

As soon as I move out I'm dead.

 

[georgelee5786]

I would not leave

 

[DonHon]

Dont stick your dick in crazy guys

 

[Woolen_Monkey]

Dont stick your dick in crazy guys

Oooh is that why I had to go to the hospital afterward?

James Randell
I have grown to love this house.
*Inserts ______ into plug*

 

[BearlyAlive]

I've heard I'm pretty therapeutic for Yandere and other clingies. As in "given enough time most people seem to dislike me for my gallow humor and optimistic fatalist outlook on everything". So I'll stay until the house goes away. There can only be one!

Now there's another premise I wanna see. A character curing a yandere out of her problem just by being an unlikeable person

 

[Deleted member 84247]

Oh. I want to clarify something.

I went out to the garage to test the fan (heating fan, so I knew it would be a huge power draw) and I used the same circuit as the garage door opener because it was ON ITS OWN DEDICATED LINE. And it used a lot of power. So I disconnect the garage door opener, start trying to fix the fan. I'm testing the fan. My wife screams. The back of the fridge had exploded in sparks and the circuit for the garage was blown out.

Now, somehow, it also blows out a second line that covers the lights in the bedrooms. This is a separate line from the fridge and garage door opener.

So I call in an electrician because I NEED A FRIDGE. He spends hours trying to fix this. And come to find out, the circuit the fridge is on is FINE. The breaker on the garage and the lights is shared, but separate (I don't get it) but the fridge line was totally unaffected and NOT CONNECTED TO THE OTHER TWO.

How did the fridge burst into sparks and burn out?

Well, in the end, the eletrician said, "Fucked if I know. I think it was a coincidence. It was going to blow anyways."

So I replaced the fridge.

...

Think that's funny?

Well, when you have an in ground sprinkler system, you need to blow out the water every year before winter or the water will freeze in the ground and fuck it up. SO. I, sick of paying to have someone do it, have a power washer and apparently you can get an air blowing attachment to blow out the in ground sprinker hoses.

Okay. Sounds like a bargain. It's the cost of hiring someone for one year anyways. Buy the attachment. Hook it up. I watched the guy do it before. SOMEHOW, I hook it up to the wrong side of the shut off to prevent the air from going the wrong way. However, it doesn't go into the water intake. No no no... I somehow blow the air into the sewer line.

Now, does that sound bad? Actually, no. it made the toilets gurgle, but other than that, not a big deal... except... well... did you know toilets have vents? Specifically, the toilet on the third floor of my old house (it was a quad-level split home, so four half floors.) and there is a vent to the roof. A tube to vent the fumes with a little metal cone on the top to stop water from coming down.

Apparently, the reason why that bathroom was stinky, was because something, I think a squirrel (hard to tell from the corpse), had crawled inside, died, and got mummified in the vent pipe.

So, when the air pressure filled the sewer line, it forced the desiccated critter corpse to shoot out the top. It plowed into the little metal cap and shot up into the air.

Somehow, in defiance to all known laws of physics, it went UP, to the side, somehow BOOMERANG'D back and crashed into the living room window.

HOW?

How do you GO UP from the BACK HALF OF THE ROOF ON THE TOP FLOOR, Angle OUT to the front of the house, SOMEHOW curve back and come CRASHING into the living room, I have no fucking Idea. There was no wind. There are no trees to bounce off of. I can only assume that the little bugger, as soon as it got that little metal cone cap on its head, channeled the spirit of a Viet Cong and in vengeance against my father who fought in Vietnam, redirected the rotting corpse to curve around and crash into my living room, scaring the ever living shit out of my wife.

Because physics cannot explain how the fuck it happened.

No no no. There is no house that would fall in love with me. Houses live in FEAR of me.

I think that critter had some voodoo magic channeled through it. Did you anger some witch?

 

[AnonUnlimited]

Logically, wouldn’t one think their house/apartment is haunted?

 

[T.K._Paradox]

Fuck it. I will.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

I think that critter had some voodoo magic channeled through it. Did you anger some witch?

I had given up trying to finish the necronomicon supercut before moving to the new home.

 

[RavenRunes]

I won't leave but I will burn it down if it ever gets repossessed. If I ain't having this house, then ain't nobody having it. Espesh Fascist Pig Banks.