Am I the asshole?

[CarburetorThompson]

So I join this discord server a week ago and it’s alright. I’m joking around as usual because I desperately crave attention. It gets to the point where I respond to someone with the common phrase ‘do you kiss your mother with that mouth’ and then they put a very displeased reaction, and say something along the lines of no.

Soon a bunch of people start replying to me like “I can‘t believe you said that.” “Wow calm down” and such. Apparently this guys mother died last month. Remind you I’ve been in this server for a week and never talked to this guy before this interaction. I mention this and everyone clams down, and they say it’s fine just don’t bring it up again.

That’s not the part I’m asking about, am I the asshole because I think this guy is an asshole for getting melodramatic at me using a common term of phrase while we were having a silly chat?

I know this seems like a nothing burger and it is, I’m just asking because I feel like it’s a dick move to make me feel like an asshole for something I had no control over. I honestly don’t know if how I feel on this matter is justified or if I’m just being entitled please tell me if I’m a heartless idiot.

Edit: This was mostly just made to vent

2nd Edit: Server with about 400 people in it.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Obligitory yes just for posting this. /s

Otherwise, they're probably still sensitive and sad that they lost a loved one. You didn't do anything wrong, they are behaving as expected. This interaction was probably a shock for both of you. Try not to make a mountain out of molehill and move forward with new knowledge.

 

[BearlyAlive]

It's the internet, of course you're the asshole.

Yeah, no. Mistakes happen. I recently asked a fat lady if it's a boy or a girl she's expecting. Her answer was pretty damn epic, though. "I'm expecting a stomach ache from eating way too much ice cream after breaking up with my boyfriend, so kindly fuck off"

 

[CarburetorThompson]

Just disappointed because every time I try to engage with an online community I somehow manage to isolate myself (unless it’s this forum) I find I share almost no interests with most people my age, and most older people find my humor crass and annoying. It’s hard to find any online community where I actually feel welcomed.

 

[georgelee5786]

Everyone, except for you, is an asshole. The people who started with the whole "can't believe you said that" should have known you didnt know the guy's mom was dead. The main guy is a slight asshole for not taking it as a joke. He also should've known you didnt know his mom was dead.

 

[Ilikewaterkusa]

So I join this discord server a week ago and it’s alright. I’m joking around as usual because I desperately crave attention. It gets to the point where I respond to someone with the common phrase ‘do you kiss your mother with that mouth’ and then they put a very displeased reaction, and say something along the lines of no.

Soon a bunch of people start replying to me like “I can‘t believe you said that.” “Wow calm down” and such. Apparently this guys mother died last month. Remind you I’ve been in this server for a week and never talked to this guy before this interaction. I mention this and everyone clams down, and they say it’s fine just don’t bring it up again.

That’s not the part I’m asking about, am I the asshole because I think this guy is an asshole for getting melodramatic at me using a common term of phrase while we were having a silly chat?

I know this seems like a nothing burger and it is, I’m just asking because I feel like it’s a dick move to make me feel like an asshole for something I had no control over. I honestly don’t know if how I feel on this matter is justified or if I’m just being entitled please tell me if I’m a heartless idiot.

Edit: This was mostly just made to vent

Invite me.

 

[RepresentingCaution]

You seem embarrassed. It's OK to feel embarrassed. Strong feelings like these remind you to speak more carefully in the future.

 

[AliceShiki]

So I join this discord server a week ago and it’s alright. I’m joking around as usual because I desperately crave attention. It gets to the point where I respond to someone with the common phrase ‘do you kiss your mother with that mouth’ and then they put a very displeased reaction, and say something along the lines of no.

Soon a bunch of people start replying to me like “I can‘t believe you said that.” “Wow calm down” and such. Apparently this guys mother died last month. Remind you I’ve been in this server for a week and never talked to this guy before this interaction. I mention this and everyone clams down, and they say it’s fine just don’t bring it up again.

That’s not the part I’m asking about, am I the asshole because I think this guy is an asshole for getting melodramatic at me using a common term of phrase while we were having a silly chat?

I know this seems like a nothing burger and it is, I’m just asking because I feel like it’s a dick move to make me feel like an asshole for something I had no control over. I honestly don’t know if how I feel on this matter is justified or if I’m just being entitled please tell me if I’m a heartless idiot.

Edit: This was mostly just made to vent

Assuming this was a big discord server, then people probably don't remember if someone joined recently or not, so it's hard to know who knows something and who doesn't. I honestly recognize like... 2 or 3 people from a big discord server that I am part of, even though I interact with way more than that daily... I just don't remember who is who.

Assuming this was a small discord server, it's weird that people reacted this way, since they should know that you had no way of knowing... That said, there is a reasonable chance of them assuming you already knew about it because it could have been mentioned at some point. Or maybe their memory is a bit fuzzy on when each thing happened, so they assumed you knew because they assumed you were there when it happened.

Overall, I don't think anyone did anything wrong here. I think it makes sense the person got hurt when hearing a joke about their mother when said mother passed away recently. It's natural to assume that it was done with ill-intentions, even if you had no such intentions.

 

[AnonUnlimited]

Tone is hard to establish online, also majority of people on discord have low EQ. That’s why they are on discord and not socializing with people in real life.

‘’Cheer up. He doesn’t know you in real life anyway.

 

[owotrucked]

Dont act like you're in a discord roast battle with strangers. Ez lol

 

[Deleted member 54065]

After dropping some people who cause grief and depression in my life, I felt 'liberated' and 'light', thus, I suddenly got the courage to get chummy/friendly in chats I belonged to.

However, even I noticed that I'm getting too talkative/annoying lately, so I just stopped chatting...before I piss off everyone. I hated being hated, so it's better that I stop and keep my thoughts (and jokes) to myself. Why did I tell this story? Well, a cautionary tale not to quickly feel 'friendly' once you get in chat.

As for your situation? You're not in the wrong, and this is not a court of law where 'ignorance is no excuse'. It's a silly chat, and yes, you're not obligated to backread everything in Discord just to make sure you're not offending someone. What you did is right by telling them that you're not even a month old in that chat. Likewise, maybe the guy's still reeling from his loss, do understand his pain (people can get unreasonable when they're emotional).

Edit: I also applaud the people in that community for being understanding.

 

[ACertainPassingUser]

You need to know the difference between :

1.) Private discord group filled with normal conversation of informal people that may joke sometimes, but still respect each other within boundaries

And

2.) Open discord group filled with bunch of chaotic stranger filled with meme and shitpost while every member try to show hundred of curse word, memes from different eras, thousand of yo mom jokes, and absurd insults against each other while waiting for one madlad who would spam the whole chat with waves of gae image or before the moderator deletes them and muting everyone on server

 

[Gibbs505]

So I join this discord server a week ago and it’s alright. I’m joking around as usual because I desperately crave attention. It gets to the point where I respond to someone with the common phrase ‘do you kiss your mother with that mouth’ and then they put a very displeased reaction, and say something along the lines of no.

Soon a bunch of people start replying to me like “I can‘t believe you said that.” “Wow calm down” and such. Apparently this guys mother died last month. Remind you I’ve been in this server for a week and never talked to this guy before this interaction. I mention this and everyone clams down, and they say it’s fine just don’t bring it up again.

That’s not the part I’m asking about, am I the asshole because I think this guy is an asshole for getting melodramatic at me using a common term of phrase while we were having a silly chat?

I know this seems like a nothing burger and it is, I’m just asking because I feel like it’s a dick move to make me feel like an asshole for something I had no control over. I honestly don’t know if how I feel on this matter is justified or if I’m just being entitled please tell me if I’m a heartless idiot.

Edit: This was mostly just made to vent

Since you ask, … Of course you are!