Best dad jokes or just short joke stories

[Redemit]

I'm board and want to laugh at stupid jokes maybe some authors can use what pops up for a punny dad character or something

 

[Corty]

Hello board. I'm dad.

 

[ThrillingHuman]

- Dad, I'm gay
- Damn gay you are
(get it? Because people say damn strai- yeah les just forget it (sigh I'm incurable))

 

[georgelee5786]

Man walks into a bar.

Ouch.

 

[Ssthat]

a duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man who was runnin the stand "hey. got any grapes?"

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?

Because he wanted to 'get along little dogie'.

 

[kophzi]

A man goes to a bar, located upon the moon.
He leaves unsatisfied and unhappy.
Whilst the food and drink were good.
There was no atmosphere to enjoy.

 

[Iamnotabot]

A man goes to a bar, located upon the moon.
He leaves unsatisfied and unhappy.
Whilst the food and drink were good.
There was no atmosphere to enjoy.

Is my humor broken if i laugh to this ?

 

[ThrillingHuman]

A man goes to a bar, located upon the moon.
He leaves unsatisfied and unhappy.
Whilst the food and drink were good.
There was no atmosphere to enjoy.

I do love how pronounced the punchline is
just like Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

 

[StrongArm]

Jesus Christ walks into a tavern, and hands the innkeep three nails and asks: Can you put me up for the night?

George R. R. Martin, Joss Whedon, and Steven Moffat walk into a bar, and everyone you've ever loved dies.

So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.


... Thank you, ill be here all week!

 

[Redemit]

Hello board. I'm dad.

I was actually writing this post out hoping that would be my first reply

a duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man who was runnin the stand "hey. got any grapes?"

This shouldn't have made me smile but it did?

So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

But did he at least have a good time in the bra or did the owner kick him out?

 

[RepresentingCaution]

 

[Macha]

I'm board and want to laugh at stupid jokes maybe some authors can use what pops up for a punny dad character or something

Not a dad joke, but I've got this:
My life.

 

[Kigol]

I have a whole google doc filled with jokes ig you want access...

did you hear you can buy iron and carbon for the price of one alloy... what a steel

My wife said she was going to hurt me if i named our daughter something ridiculous … but i called her bluff

Me and my friends experimented with drugs in high school...i was the control group

If H2O Is Water, H2O2 Is Hydrogen Peroxide and H2O3 is Trioxidane. What Is H2O4… drinking

And lastly my favorite of the batch
I got the words jacuzzi and yakuza mixed up, now im in hot water with the Japanese mafia

 

[gaylolis]

if you drink coffee you can't sleep.

but if i sleep, i can't drink coffee.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

These jokes make me as sad as an onion cutting itself.

 

[Prince_Azmiran_Myrian]

These jokes make me as sad as an onion cutting itself.

Man I'm so lazy...
I wish my lawn was emo.
At least then the grass would cut itself.

 

[gaylolis]

The usage of periods.

Andy is eating lunch.

Andy is eating period.

Also.

Gordon Ramsay said, "You fucking donkey," but she's from Zurich, not Fucking.

 

[RavenRunes]

This is what my son calls an 'uncle joke' as it's worse than a dad joke: how do you count cows? With a cow-culator....

 

[Ai-chan]

Little Johnny hears his parents arguing, he asks, "What is bastard and bitch?"

His parents told him it means gents and ladies.

One day Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex, he asks, "Daddy, what is dick and cunt?"

His daddy said, "It means hats and coats, son."

One day Little Johnny comes home from school and hears his mother say "Fuck!" when she cut her fingers.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, what is fuck?"

His mommy replies, "It means cut, dear."

So it was thanksgiving and Little Johnny greets his uncles and aunts at the door.

Little Johnny said, "Please hurry, bastards and bitches. Quickly hang your dicks and cunts here. We can't wait to fuck the turkey."