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3) [God its annoying i cant copy paste/quote the website you linked]
"singing, shouting, boasting anthem"
It's cringe and FAR TOO unrealistic.
Look at this popular short sketch-video that joke about this theme :
Sorry but it's death battle, AND didnt the protag say they were losing. As a loser i still got time to FCKING sing ?
Ok fine, let's say they sing, as some series or movies have that.
BUT WTF WITH THE "we shall not be controlled,
yes, yes"
Did author try to copy the jp characters that had a pronunciation-OCD ?
Like the old puppet in Rose Maiden saying "Desu" at end of sentences, or
Naruto spamming "DATTE BAYO", or recently the drug-creator-scientist FL in "100 girlfriends" manga nowadays that spam "YEP YEP" ?
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I see ..so what do you suggest he should change
Very very simple.
One of the oldest tip for any author.
That is "read more, read more, read some more"
Your friend is like a teen trying to cook a high-end dish, without knowing it's own aptitude/time-experience. Just like having only barely looked a few cooking-videos, and thinking he can do a banquet.
Go read some japanese Light Novels or Web novels (on novelupdates)
or directly go to "syosetu" raw website and use google translate. Since 2020 google became better with the translator-bot.
And read some chinese novels. Especially recent ones of GOOD QUALITY (far too many bad ones, caution).
And/or korean novels.
Or simply look at the very popular novels at top ranking of scribblehub.
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4) "soldiers, hunters, adventurer(S), subordinates"
No names. Why care ? Fail attempt to make reader sad of their deaths, when clearly reader got 0 emotional attachment.
Why do you think NTR or betrayal/revenge series show the heroines being so beautiful or detailing the past of the hero working his ass off for mankind ? It's so the reader INVEST emotions in them. Why care of a no-name, no face girl being stolen by the douchebag in NTR ? It is more effective if the heroine is beautiful, kind-hearted, smart, etc, so the reader like her, hence suffer more when she is stolen by the bad guy.
1 portrayed male bestfriend taking an arrow for the hero, is more sad
compared to
50 millions random people that died because a villain nuked a city of the protag
As a too sensitive person, i cried for lot of things. And in a popular chinese novel (with restaurant theme), i cried very much for a decrepit weak old elf that only had appearance time of 5+ chaps. Because this guy was portrayed so perfectly as the caretaker of a young female elve that follow him. He didn't even flashbacks but just the portrayal of his actions, personality, and the mood, made him a not-easily-forgettable character.
Last example : Redo healer, the very dark jp-series. The sole reason it was sad the village of protag was burned, was because it was said that the village was kind to him an orphan BUT ALSO because it had a kind woman that took care of him. And then author detailed the evil soldiers paraded the villagers crucified on the roads everywhere, etc.
m.tapas.io
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