Guys, I'm an ameteur!

[FTU12008]

I'm authoring this book, and I'd like to know if my writing is up to the mark. I just wanna know if it had the quality necessary. Also, feel free to point out any flaw.
If you're hooked by this prologue, then please express your love in the comments.
Also just answer that poll.

[Not a typo, just shows you that I'm an Amateur! LOL

- Preface + Prologue | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

 

[LilRora]

Hello again. Noticed the thread and couldn't resist.

I'll keep it short: in my opinion the current version is better than the previous. I can't point out a single reason behind my opinion, because it's more of a feeling than anything, but if I had to say one, it would be clearer writing. Less confusing for certain.

If you ask me, you can safely go on to the first chapter. The prologue is far from the best I've read, but that's subjective and it so happens I'm not particularly interested in the theme of your story, so it's impossible it would rank high.

As for the long prologue, I've seen much longer. It doesn't really say anything, because the introduction to the story is not always the same as prologue.

Oh, and one more thing. There is no necessary quality. Believe me, there are books on this site which writing quality is worse than yours and they have hundreds of thousands views. Your book though doesn't exactly cater to wide audience, unlike those books, so I wouldn't expect much views. My personal view on the matter is that as long as you're satisfied with what you write, all's good.

 

[FTU12008]

Hello again. Noticed the thread and couldn't resist.

I'll keep it short: in my opinion the current version is better than the previous. I can't point out a single reason behind my opinion, because it's more of a feeling than anything, but if I had to say one, it would be clearer writing. Less confusing for certain.

If you ask me, you can safely go on to the first chapter. The prologue is far from the best I've read, but that's subjective and it so happens I'm not particularly interested in the theme of your story, so it's impossible it would rank high.

As for the long prologue, I've seen much longer. It doesn't really say anything, because the introduction to the story is not always the same as prologue.

Oh, and one more thing. There is no necessary quality. Believe me, there are books on this site which writing quality is worse than yours and they have hundreds of thousands views. Your book though doesn't exactly cater to wide audience, unlike those books, so I wouldn't expect much views. My personal view on the matter is that as long as you're satisfied with what you write, all's good.

Aw∼ I'm pleased. I'll finish the first chapter(12000 words) faster with such kind words, keep a tab on this story that doesn't please you.

 

[Ilikewaterkusa]

I'm authoring this book, and I'd like to know if my writing is up to the mark. I just wanna know if it had the quality necessary. Also, feel free to point out any flaw.
If you're hooked by this prologue, then please express your love in the comments.
Also just answer that poll.

[Not a typo, just shows you that I'm an Amateur! LOL

- Preface + Prologue | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

You spelt it wrong

 

[FTU12008]

Aw∼ I'm pleased. I'll finish the first chapter(12000 words) faster with such kind words, keep a tab on this story that doesn't please you.

You spelt it wrong

?

 

[TheEldritchGod]

>The Imperial Government, being one of the Four Heavenly Factions, was a powerful organisation with absolute jurisdiction over a quarter of the Central Plains.

You live and die on your first sentence. Kinda wordy. Not the worst I've seen. But no hook.

Try something like, "and it was as the zenith of history." This will imply something bad is about to happen.

What is our central question? What does the reader want to learn the answer to, so he must read this?

>With great wealth came great responsibility, and this responsibility was shouldered by thousands of exceptional scholars and martial artists who aimed to reach the pinnacle of their respective paths.

Okay, your open paragraph is only two sentences. This last sentence could be broken up into three.

Your central rheme is now great wealth is great responsibility.

Is it?
Does your story prove your thesis?

My i recommend a different thesis that eill be more interesting to explore than a retread spiderman trope.

They say powee corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. I say it is the addiction to power that corrupts. Addiction of any sort is what ruins a man. Money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money. When the addiction of power is removed, power then is a catalyst. It reveals a person's trie nature. An addicted good man given power will at least try to help others while satisfying his lusts. An addicted man of evil will make mistakes and be easy to uncover.

A level-headed sociopath who gains power is a serpent slithering into Eden.

My version challenges what people already know. Great power=great responsibly. It is a different angle and presents a question: how do we deal with evil unhindered by the folly of addiction should such a person come to power?

Do we follow the rules, knowing the rules are being corrupted by a man who makes no mistakes?

Do we break the rules to do what is right? Who defines what is right?


This is how I would open.

 

[FTU12008]

>With great wealth came great responsibility, and this responsibility was shouldered by thousands of exceptional scholars and martial artists who aimed to reach the pinnacle of their respective paths.

Okay, your open paragraph is only two sentences. This last sentence could be broken up into three.

>The Imperial Government, being one of the Four Heavenly Factions, was a powerful organisation with absolute jurisdiction over a quarter of the Central Plains.

You live and die on your first sentence. Kinda wordy. Not the worst I've seen. But no hook.

Try something like, "and it was as the zenith of history." This will imply something bad is about to happen.

What is our central question? What does the reader want to learn the answer to, so he must read this?

>With great wealth came great responsibility, and this responsibility was shouldered by thousands of exceptional scholars and martial artists who aimed to reach the pinnacle of their respective paths.

Okay, your open paragraph is only two sentences. This last sentence could be broken up into three.

Your central rheme is now great wealth is great responsibility.

Is it?
Does your story prove your thesis?

My i recommend a different thesis that eill be more interesting to explore than a retread spiderman trope.

They say powee corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. I say it is the addiction to power that corrupts. Addiction of any sort is what ruins a man. Money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money. When the addiction of power is removed, power then is a catalyst. It reveals a person's trie nature. An addicted good man given power will at least try to help others while satisfying his lusts. An addicted man of evil will make mistakes and be easy to uncover.

A level-headed sociopath who gains power is a serpent slithering into Eden.

My version challenges what people already know. Great power=great responsibly. It is a different angle and presents a question: how do we deal with evil unhindered by the folly of addiction should such a person come to power?

Do we follow the rules, knowing the rules are being corrupted by a man who makes no mistakes?

Do we break the rules to do what is right? Who defines what is right?


This is how I would open.

I hate myself for being pathetic.

 

[TheEldritchGod]

I hate myself for being pathetic.

Stop with the negative reinforcement. You asked for advice, you got it. Look. I have seen far worse. I don't sugar coat things. if you suck, I'll tell you, that you suck.

However, I am also approaching this from the view point of sales. You are trying to sell a story. The reader is paying with his TIME. Time he will never get back. You want to sell your story so the reader goes, "This will be worth my time." A common problem is, people learn to write in school an school sucks at teaching people to write. You are writing for an audience of one, your teacher.

Now you are writing for 7.6 billion people.

You aren't going to get them all. So pick your target audience and do your best. Oh. And NEVER feel ashamed at stealing ideas. Just make them your own. There is nothing new under the sun, just your version of it. Writing these days is a lot like cooking. If you are selling pizza, try and make a good pizza. If you are selling Isekai, make a good isekai.

Most pizzas look the same. Most taste the same, but your pizza only costs time and it has your own particular blend of ingredients.

I just suggested some alternate seasoning, that's all.
Tip 1: Make sure it's a story you like, because if you want it to be good, you will be reading it. A LOT.
Tip 2: It never hurts to just reread your own story, but in edit mode, so you can make minor changes and improvements. You might have published, but you can still improve it. Yes, people who read it won't know, but future readers will benefit.
Tip 3: Put your raw text through a text to speech device. The computer is without mercy. The computer will speak EXACTLY what you wrote. You will hear EVERY FLAW. But, if you are willing to suffer, nothing will help improve your writing then hearing it read aloud to you by a devilish computational device.

 

[ACertainPassingUser]

So you're amateur,

Hello Amateur, I am dad.

 

[FTU12008]

Stop with the negative reinforcement. You asked for advice, you got it. Look. I have seen far worse. I don't sugar coat things. if you suck, I'll tell you, that you suck.

However, I am also approaching this from the view point of sales. You are trying to sell a story. The reader is paying with his TIME. Time he will never get back. You want to sell your story so the reader goes, "This will be worth my time." A common problem is, people learn to write in school an school sucks at teaching people to write. You are writing for an audience of one, your teacher.

Now you are writing for 7.6 billion people.

You aren't going to get them all. So pick your target audience and do your best. Oh. And NEVER feel ashamed at stealing ideas. Just make them your own. There is nothing new under the sun, just your version of it. Writing these days is a lot like cooking. If you are selling pizza, try and make a good pizza. If you are selling Isekai, make a good isekai.

Most pizzas look the same. Most taste the same, but your pizza only costs time and it has your own particular blend of ingredients.

I just suggested some alternate seasoning, that's all.
Tip 1: Make sure it's a story you like, because if you want it to be good, you will be reading it. A LOT.
Tip 2: It never hurts to just reread your own story, but in edit mode, so you can make minor changes and improvements. You might have published, but you can still improve it. Yes, people who read it won't know, but future readers will benefit.
Tip 3: Put your raw text through a text to speech device. The computer is without mercy. The computer will speak EXACTLY what you wrote. You will hear EVERY FLAW. But, if you are willing to suffer, nothing will help improve your writing then hearing it read aloud to you by a devilish computational device.

CHILL THE FUCK OUT! LOL! How did you cough up so many words man? Gotta admire your dedication. Also, understand the humour and sarcasm behind my comment that you replied to.
Anyway... thanks a lot for your effort.
If you wanna 'to pay some more time to criticising my work' then here, is the new chapter I uploaded: https://www.scribblehub.com/read/588852-the-murim-war-book-/chapter/591227/
Again, thanks a lot.

So you're amateur,

Hello Amateur, I am dad.

Yes, daddy! **** **!
Anyway...

The Murim War [Book 1] - The Calm Before The Storm (1) | Scribble Hub

www.scribblehub.com

This is the first episode or chapter or whatever you call it, check this one out too!

Hello again. Noticed the thread and couldn't resist.

I'll keep it short: in my opinion the current version is better than the previous. I can't point out a single reason behind my opinion, because it's more of a feeling than anything, but if I had to say one, it would be clearer writing. Less confusing for certain.

If you ask me, you can safely go on to the first chapter. The prologue is far from the best I've read, but that's subjective and it so happens I'm not particularly interested in the theme of your story, so it's impossible it would rank high.

As for the long prologue, I've seen much longer. It doesn't really say anything, because the introduction to the story is not always the same as prologue.

Oh, and one more thing. There is no necessary quality. Believe me, there are books on this site which writing quality is worse than yours and they have hundreds of thousands views. Your book though doesn't exactly cater to wide audience, unlike those books, so I wouldn't expect much views. My personal view on the matter is that as long as you're satisfied with what you write, all's good.

Hellooooooo! Another chapter for you to check out! https://www.scribblehub.com/read/588852-the-murim-war-book-/chapter/591227/