This is your opening sentence? This is your 'hook'? Actually, your real opening sentence is:
My favourite game, and it was one of a kind.
First of all, favourite is spelled favorite.
You have a spelling error in your opener.
Do... Do I really need to explain how BAD this is? Seriously? The site has a spell checker. Even in this post it is underlining the word in red. When you see that, right click and pick the word that is spelled correctly. You are insulting me that you cannot use the built in spell checker on the website.
IGNORING THAT...
Why do I care? What is the 'hook'? What is supposed to interest me? You live and DIE by that first sentence. You are telling me, There is a game, it is called Yelany and it is one of a kind and your favorite game. You goal is to get me to read the next paragraph. It's one of a kind is the only hook here. Guess what? Ever game is unique.
You see, Yelany was no ordinary game. It was a FIVR Open World magic game, and it was one of a kind! I grew up playing it, and I loved the variety of different characters. The MC was an absolutely amazing human being, the characters felt.. real. But the thing was, in this game, there wasn't just one quest line you had to follow. You could become anything or anyone, if you modded the game correctly. I was playing, and was just about to reach 90% favorability with my favourite character, when I got a notification.
You tell me it is one of a kind, TWICE. Avoid using the same word or phrase more than once in a chapter if you can, but never... EVER... use it in the SAME PARAGRAPH. It is like nails on a chalkboard. It is an insult. YOU ARE TELLING ME I AM SO STUPID I FORGOT WHAT YOU SAID TWO SENTENCES PREVIOUSLY.
What? Am I a joke to you? Am I a clown? Am I here to amuse you? You wanna fight story? OH, I'LL GIVE YOU A FIGHT, STORY!!!
I grew up, I loved, I was playing...
Who the fuck are you? Who is talking to me? Why do I care? Your story is about the game, not about YOU. At least, that's what you have written. You are a formless, blob that is an advertisement for a game that actually seems totally common to me. It sounds like skyrim. It sounds like Fallout 4.
I have modded my fallout 4 game into a endless cavalcade of terror, lovecraftian monsters and vampires that relentlessly try to murder me in a omnipresent fog that never ends. Periodically the sun DIES for a few minutes and you can only see for a few feet in front of you while a siren blares and horror leaps out at you from every direction and all you can do is run to some place, put your back against the wall and hope your reflexes are fast enough.
Lets see a show of hands, who wants to play MY fallout 4 and who wants to play YOUR game?
EDIT:
Sorry. Got interrupted.
My point is, your first sentence is live or die. It is what makes someone read the next paragraph.
The first paragraph is your sales pitch. You need to SELL the rest of the story. You need to convince me the rest of the chapter is worth my time. You are asking me to spend TIME on you. Convince me my time will be well spent here. You have a favorite game that you have described in the most generic terms possible. It doesn't sound One of a kind. It sounds... dull.
I'm being far more aggressive here then most readers would be, but the truth is, the average reader will look at this and be... bored. They won't be offended, they'll be worse than offended. They'll be disinterested.
Take a stand. Take a risk. Put your best foot forward. Even if you describe a game people will hate, it is better it is a game I hate then a game I couldn't care less about.
Nothing is worse than being boring.
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