My most recent attempt at Isekai/LitRPG... Thoughts?

[RavensQuill]

Pretty basic premise, very on-brand for this cycle. I can't provide much feedback beyond that from just the premise though. I'll leave a few comments on the chapters as I plunge into Ahya.

I do enjoy more socially reserved MC's though. All the self-rightous star children waving big vieny... world views across the narrative like a walking stick is wearing me out.

Subtlety is key... At least I try to make it so :D

Also, I do hope you enjoy Ahya. I've put a lot of work into it over the span of nearly 2 decades!

I took a look at the cover and synopsis. The cover isn't very interesting so it doesn't draw me in. However I think the synopsis might be where you're losing people. All I know about the story is that a man gets teleported to another world. That's it. The standard definition of an isekai. There's nothing telling me why your story is special. There's no hook or mystery involved. Maybe if we know what his 'purpose' was, it would be more enticing to read. We don't know anything about the world or the main character and what makes him special. Even if he's an average guy, he still needs at least one special thing to draw the reader in.

Hmm... This is certainly an interesting point, especially the second to last line. But I can't exactly reveal what that purpose is, as it would spoil the main climax arc.... Curious curious.

 

[Snusmumriken]

Hmm... This is certainly an interesting point, especially the second to last line. But I can't exactly reveal what that purpose is, as it would spoil the main climax arc.... Curious curious.

That is really what I said in my first comment. You aren't going to attract people with "isekai" alone you need something special that sets your story apart. And said hook doesn't need to be the major plot twist. It can be something intermediate to keep readers interested for the first few chapters until you set up the proper twist.

Remember you are excited to tell the story because you know all the exciting parts that are up ahead. The reader who just picked up your story isn't. For them, it is one of many. You need to wiggle something shiny and enticing in front of them first so that they would spend the time and effort to read it.