Writing Poem chants, is this a good idea?

[Anon_Y_Mousse]

So in my story I have something called legendary magic, it's basically the Magnum opus of extremely powerful archmages. Since it's basically a culmination of their lives' work, I thought it would be nice for the chant to be a poem that reflects on their life, personality, goals, experience etc... the spells are extremely hard and expensive to cast so they will seldom appear in chapters. Do you guys think this is a good idea, or is it better to leave poems out of a web novel?

Spoiler: Example- Willow's Longevity

“Upon a fleeting day of September,

A boy laid upon the canopy of a willow;

He looked towards the fields; o’er yonder.

That time of autumn, o’ so mellow…



And on that day of harvest,

He took from the willow, a single branch;

The leaves spun around, like a crest,

‘Remember, a field of flowers near a ranch?’



The boy loved the beauty of the field;

The beauty of the roses and daisies,

and so within his mind, an inquiry yield:

‘Why not plant a willow upon the priaries?’



But upon the growth of the weeping willow

The flowers wilted, their beauty denied;

The boy cried, with merely a bed of grass as a pillow.

‘O’ why, o’ why, must have these buds wilted and died!’”


“The boy grew old, he was now of age

His loved ones, all gone; a pill hard to swallow,

He stood at the prairie, an ugly page;

'Oh how beautiful! The weeping willow!’”

 

[Mysticant]

Why not do a flashback as you write each phrase of the chant. This is something that I will be doing in my novel. It has a lot of imagination impact imho and would set your novel out from all that just want to write linear stories.

 

[Anon_Y_Mousse]

Why not do a flashback as you write each phrase of the chant. This is something that I will be doing in my novel. It has a lot of imagination impact imho and would set your novel out from all that just want to write linear stories.

I don't think I should do a flashback per phrase since that defeats the purpose of shortening it into a poem, I cut out the actions he does and the effects of the spell on the landscape while casting the spell for the sake of the forum btw, so the scene would be far longer and way more detailed.

 

[Mysticant]

Up to you~good luck!

 

[rain-090]

Curious, what could these spells do?

 

[Anon_Y_Mousse]

Curious, what could these spells do?

Willow's Longevity - For each soul the caster sacrifices (the souls are gone and can never be revived by any means, even other legendary magics) they add one year to their life, the magic circle takes years of preparation to encompass a small area but the caster can set it up to encompass an entire city, though they would be hard pressed to without interference. (Sacrifices have to wear a trinket).

Some more legendary spells for reference.
Freya's Bubble - City-wide barrier which can selectively let people in and out, basically impossible to destroy unless you destroy the 'focus' at the center of the barrier
Santos' Skyweaver- Change the climate of a region, self-explanatory
Mustard's Realm Ward - prevents any spatial manipulation within an area.

That should give a good idea of the scale.

All of these spells have a permanent effect and require multiple skilled mages to cast (usually with the inventor at the center) they MAY be cast without the original inventor provided they have the formula and the spell isn't specifically tailor-made for the original caster's specifications.(most are)

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Up to you. Looks like a pretty cool idea.

Weaving poems into stories. ;)

 

[ElijahRyne]

So in my story I have something called legendary magic, it's basically the Magnum opus of extremely powerful archmages. Since it's basically a culmination of their lives' work, I thought it would be nice for the chant to be a poem that reflects on their life, personality, goals, experience etc... the spells are extremely hard and expensive to cast so they will seldom appear in chapters. Do you guys think this is a good idea, or is it better to leave poems out of a web novel?

Spoiler: Example- Willow's Longevity

“Upon a fleeting day of September,

A boy laid upon the canopy of a willow;

He looked towards the fields; o’er yonder.

That time of autumn, o’ so mellow…



And on that day of harvest,

He took from the willow, a single branch;

The leaves spun around, like a crest,

‘Remember, a field of flowers near a ranch?’



The boy loved the beauty of the field;

The beauty of the roses and daisies,

and so within his mind, an inquiry yield:

‘Why not plant a willow upon the priaries?’



But upon the growth of the weeping willow

The flowers wilted, their beauty denied;

The boy cried, with merely a bed of grass as a pillow.

‘O’ why, o’ why, must have these buds wilted and died!’”


“The boy grew old, he was now of age

His loved ones, all gone; a pill hard to swallow,

He stood at the prairie, an ugly page;

'Oh how beautiful! The weeping willow!’”

Poems will be good if it makes sense in context. You might want to intersperse the stanzas with what the characters are thinking, or doing. That way the poem doesn’t break the stories flow.

 

[Vnator]

Sounds like a cool idea! I'd say the first time someone uses one, have something happen in the background for each verse. Like with the first verse of your example poem, have the air turn still or create a foreboding breeze. Then various plants begin to grow at an accelerated rate after the second or third verses, and things like that that reflect the events recounted in the poem. Just an idea, it sounds like it'd give it weight while the reader tries to imagine the kind of life it references.