Mafia boss back to zero

[Agentt]

So, imagine this, you are the head of a huge mafia family. You are well famed and well respected, with many influential people working under you.

A henchman approaches, saying there is an emergency and you need to come right now.

You follow the henchman hastily, wondering what happened, when he opens a door, and inside the dark room, you see shadows of many.

Reflexively, you grab the uzzi on your chest and start firing, shooting everything that stands. The rain of bullets fall down till the strong smell of iron makes you scrunch your nose.

The lights are turned on, and you see a sign.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

On the ground, were bodies and bodies of all your alleys, family members, the influential people mentioned above, the treasurer, the hitmen, everyone important.

The henchman says from behind in a meek voice
"Surprise?"

So, you are now a mafia boss who needs to run a facade now.

 

[Cipiteca396]

I'm sure I have a bullet left. Sounds like I need to wake up from this nightmare, or eliminate the stupidest motherfucker in the world with it.

 

[Silver_Sky]

First off no mafia organization is going to throw a SUPRISE birthday party, at most they are going to throw a banquet for knowledge on who is on what side and respect.
Second a mafia don won't just follow a subordinate he has other people to do that.

 

[NotaNuffian]

So, imagine this, you are the head of a huge mafia family. You are well famed and well respected, with many influential people working under you.

A henchman approaches, saying there is an emergency and you need to come right now.

You follow the henchman hastily, wondering what happened, when he opens a door, and inside the dark room, you see shadows of many.

Reflexively, you grab the uzzi on your chest and start firing, shooting everything that stands. The rain of bullets fall down till the strong smell of iron makes you scrunch your nose.

The lights are turned on, and you see a sign.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

On the ground, were bodies and bodies of all your alleys, family members, the influential people mentioned above, the treasurer, the hitmen, everyone important.

The henchman says from behind in a meek voice
"Surprise?"

So, you are now a mafia boss who needs to run a facade now.

Wut? That sounds like the dumbest mafia boss I ever heard or at least the most trigger happy one.

Also, mafia bosses are like the CEOs or at least as the name state, "boss", so why is he haphazardly following his henchman and not his trusty righthand man?

I'm sure I have a bullet left. Sounds like I need to wake up from this nightmare, or eliminate the stupidest motherfucker in the world with it.

I rather knife the guy.

 

[ThrillingHuman]

I would die from shame for running an organisation where it could even happen. Or wake up

 

[ArcadiaBlade]

Thats not how a mafia works. Especially a leader who would listen to a low ranking henchmen who doesn't even have any rep from the boss. The boss would most likely listen to his trusted advisors which he had been buddies with for a long time and its even highly stupid for a boss to open fire, IN HIS OWN BASE OR HOUSE.

The likelyhood of this happening is as low as the boss would shoot the henchmen first before getting a vantage point first and try to get a reading inside the room.

My former boss would even call me crazy if I told him this senario and I would have been sleeping in the fishes by now if this story was told by him.

Jesus christ, this is so stupid that why am I even commenting on this thread anyways.

 

[NotaNuffian]

Thats not how a mafia works. Especially a leader who would listen to a low ranking henchmen who doesn't even have any rep from the boss. The boss would most likely listen to his trusted advisors which he had been buddies with for a long time and its even highly stupid for a boss to open fire, IN HIS OWN BASE OR HOUSE.

The likelyhood of this happening is as low as the boss would shoot the henchmen first before getting a vantage point first and try to get a reading inside the room.

My former boss would even call me crazy if I told him this senario and I would have been sleeping in the fishes by now if this story was told by him.

Jesus christ, this is so stupid that why am I even commenting on this thread anyways.

Because the sheer stupidity of the scenario forces you to.

 

[Agentt]

Wut? That sounds like the dumbest mafia boss I ever heard or at least the most trigger happy one.

Also, mafia bosses are like the CEOs or at least as the name state, "boss", so why is he haphazardly following his henchman and not his trusty righthand man?

I rather knife the guy.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, consider this then,
It is your 17th birthday, you live alone with your mother,
A few men in black kidnap you and put you in a limo
They explain your father was a mafia boss, and now that he died, it is upto you.

And on your first day, this happens

 

[BenJepheneT]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, consider this then,
It is your 17th birthday, you live alone with your mother,
A few men in black kidnap you and put you in a limo
They explain your father was a mafia boss, and now that he died, it is upto you.

And on your first day, this happens

How hasn't this organisation fall over its own brick head yet

 

[ArcadiaBlade]

Because the sheer stupidity of the scenario forces you to.

Even if its force, like hell I'm going to tell that to my boss.

He be like 'Hey lil Arcy, you mind telling me why you think about this senario would happen to me. Let me give you two choices, either use this gun to shoot yourself or you join up with Andrew at the meat factory. You know I like my meat tender and it seems you'll be in the next menu if you want to try the second option. So, get that gun, put it in your mouth and pull the trigger.'

 

[Biggest-Kusa-Out-There]

So basically this
Nervous Mob Boss - Key & Peele - YouTube

 

[Agentt]

So basically this
Nervous Mob Boss - Key & Peele - YouTube

That's actually where I was inspired from

 

[Szaku]

boss (choking up): "fan~tastic! ya really.. outdid yaself this.. time! what a surprise!!.. we cleaned up all the moles and rats in one go! this musta taken weeks to put togetha?"

henchman: "..wha- boss, that was all of ya closest peoples?! y-you just killed 2 of your kids and-"

boss (shaking): "..dirty..stinkin'..rats the lot o' em. shit.. shit.. hey, uh, i musta fergot my pill.. on account of my shakin.. so much. help me find my pills, would ya. in that other room there."

hench: "boss don't you keep em in your chest pocket..?"

boss: "yea just, in that other room. over there." *waves non-commitally in some general direction*

hench: "..ya ill find em boss." *exits room with much visible confusion*

*after opening a random closet door and standing there for a few seconds, the henchman is startled..or maybe not..by a sudden loud rattling sound coming from the previous room, followed by a muffled 'thump'. and then, silence*

{{oddly enough, this was the best possible ending. really bad mafia, this one. it was featured once in an article titled: "how the hell is this group still around?" with a whole 4 pages detailing their antics(?) activities(?).. spanning a generation. rumor has it tommy wiseau and james franco had been collaborating on a script about the crime family, but any and all updates were stymied solely on the fact that they can neither agree or disagree if the movie should be a comedy, tragedy, documentary, or romantic-action film}}

 

[RepresentingCaution]

Eliminate the stupidest motherfucker in the world with it.

I drop into a store to get more and go for eliminating as many as possible.

 

[Cipiteca396]

So basically this
Nervous Mob Boss - Key & Peele - YouTube

I like how all the comments on that video are identical to the ones on this thread. XD
Except some of them went in expecting comedy, so it's slightly less harsh.