Can I get some critique on my story?

[BenJepheneT]

Technically speaking, this is my second time doing this, but the first time was two years ago, so fuck it.

So recently, my story's hit 20 chapters. It doesn't sound like much, but considering every chapter averages around 7-9k words per chapter, I think this calls for some "celebration".

"Celebration" as in shameless shilling over the ScribbleHub Forum. Hell yeah, it doesn't get anymore shameless than this.

I was planning to wait until I've hit 200k words like I've done last time where I've done a shill at 100k. I'm at 177k+ at the time of writing this and as you can see here, I've sperged out. Call it premature ejaculation. I have no shame in this.

Caninstinct

Shiro believes he's been sent to the wrong school. Rormund Academy: home to only the best of the best. A school so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. An establishment where only the wealthiest, smartest, and most athletic students of the world reside. Shiro exhibits none of...

www.scribblehub.com

The synopsis goes as follows:

Shiro believes he is sent to the wrong school.

Rormund Academy, home to only the best of the best. An Academy so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. An Academy where the wealthiest, smartest and most athletic students of the world reside. Shiro exhibits none of the qualities, having more in common with a sheet of plywood than royalty.

Still, regardless of it, he intends on spending the last of his school years as he planned; as a normal schoolboy and nothing more.

Until they saw the scars on his back.

TL;DR: Wolf gets the shit kicked out of him for unknown reasons.

You might be confused at the TL;DR but trust me, this clears up when you read the story.

I'm not joking when I say it's hard to describe the story as a whole. Nothing happens and A LOT OF THINGS happen at the same time. If you're intrigued, hey, the link's RIGHT THERE.

I'mma be honest with you: despite being labelled as Action, it's got more abstract philosophy and drama than actual punches thrown. The story's character-driven, and the plot takes its time so that development can be made on the cast, both introductory and gradually.

To its virtue, when actual punches are thrown they hit VERY HARD. And the abstract philosophy talk AREN'T ham fisted. They are treated as the open-ended discussion as they are, and they're usually spoken from a personal standpoint; as in, talked from a perspective where they've experienced what they've said on an individual level.

I don't make any major grandstands or sweeping moral statements: everything's shown as a matter of fact. Which means; there will be characters who received undeserved shit and assholes who completely get off scot-free. There's no winning philosophy in the story; everyone's got a different frame and idea for what life means to them. The story just focuses on what happens when two different ideas clash on various circumstances, and how'd they react to one another.

The story might have a slow start, but I promise you that it'll get better AND engaging the more you read into it. Don't believe me? Check out the reviews, including the ones in Royal Road.

Caninstinct | Royal Road

Shiro believes he's been sent to the wrong school.Rormund Academy: home to only the best of the best. A school where only the wealthiest, smartest and most athletic students of the world reside. An establishment so exclusive even its name remains elusive to the public. Shiro exhibits none of...

www.royalroad.com

And now to address the elephant in the room:

Yes, the story's about anthropomorphic animals. In other word, f u r r i e s. But they're not the pastel coloured abomination you see online. They're more reserved in design and closely resemble their real life counterpart. Anthropomorphic mice stay mouse-sized, and there aren't any hot-pink tigers walking around. Everyone's as realistic as anthropomorphic animals get.

I fully expect this post to fly COMPLETELY under the radar with next to no replies whatsoever, but if you're willing to give me the time of your day, you'd have my eternal gratitude. I might remember you for life. I might be screaming at my grandchildren in the age of 70 and suddenly go "hey, I remember this cool guy on the internet who critiqued my story. I hope he's having a good day". Give a good reason for my children to send me to a hospice while I'm at it.

And since I'm asking for a critique, I'm also asking you to NOT HOLD BACK. If you see something you like/hate, just fucking LAY IT ON ME. I'm a big boy. I won't cry. Hell, this is why I made my post on the first place. To shill AND to recieve feedback on how to improve the craft.

I'll now leave this post in this ocean as it is. I hope it sails back with bountiful rewards to see.

 

[Sylvie]

Caninstinct has been on my "to read" for a while. It will take a while for me to read it since it's fairly long but I'll be back with an honest review.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Caninstinct has been on my "to read" for a while. It will take a while for me to read it since it's fairly long but I'll be back with an honest review.

BANZAI! Another one on the hook!

 

[Sylverius]

Aight, for my boy Benny, I'll give this one an honest read. Considering the surprising +7k words per chapter, this will take me quite a while...

Nice ass doh

 

[BenJepheneT]

Aight, for my boy Benny, I'll give this one an honest read. Considering the surprising +7k words per chapter, this will take me quite a while...

Nice ass doh

Thank you fellow Weird ass Member. Your contributions will not go unforgotten.

 

[Deleted member 45782]

Bookmarked to read someday.

 

[BenJepheneT]

Bookmarked to read someday.

?

 

[Funnyface]

I noticed your novel on the 'Apartment Life' tag as some kind of 200,000-word widely loved masterpiece, but I never really gave it a chance. I'll give it a read and let you know what I think.

 

[BenJepheneT]

I noticed your novel on the 'Apartment Life' tag as some kind of 200,000-word widely loved masterpiece,

widely loved masterpiece

Ayo...? ??

 

[Funnyface]

I truly do want to give you the thorough criticism you want, but the text is really dense and I can't give you more than a few superficial thoughts. I'm also not very critical. Here are my impressions as I read through the first 5 chapters. I'll try to give you my thoughts on the rest when I get a moment to finish. I hope you understand.

Spoiler: Thoughts

Chapter 1:

I found myself skimming several times this chapter when you went into extreme detail, but everything else about this chapter is a real treat. I think a single paragraph is more than good enough to describe the introduction scene here, even with the profound symbolism of the black strand of hair falling in a pool of blood, but everything after you set the stage is actually very absorbing.

The mysterious battle between Shiro and the bear is interesting and brings many questions. I also like how he confused the bear he met in the school with his opponent, and how the other bear saw right through his reaction.

I think you use describe the scenes without Shiro understanding what's going on very well. The twist of the mule's explanation of the animal people all being upper-crust and having their own circumstances is very emotionally engaging.

Chapter 2:

Shiro spends a very long time in this chapter confused, and I didn't really know what was going on either. I didn't even really know why he was going from door to door until 2000 words in when he says he's looking for an admin office. It really puts you in the mind of the character, but it's not exactly accessible. I'd probably cut most of it until he finds the Secretary.

The secretary's dialogue is very well-written and snappy. I enjoyed this character here.

Once things start actually happening the narrative is very absorbing again. The school is an interesting place, and it is truly a tragedy that it fell so far from the ancient lion's noble goal of educating virtuous people of all social classes. I found the deadly automatic security system a little fantastical, especially in a place with so many VIPS and such a secure hand print system already, but to be fair we have unmanned robot security forces with lethal killing power in our world as well, it's just that they normally only appear in battlefields or border walls. Also I didn't really get what was going on with the stack of papers.

I found it interesting Shiro refuses to tell us anything about himself once again. Is he hiding something, or is he just enormously overwhelmed? From the reader's perspective he's already gotten into a fight, but that doesn't tell us a lot. He hasn't voiced his own opinion much, and the secretary somehow deduces that he's not as bad as other giant wolves, but I haven't seen it. At least the reader's perspective tells us that we're supposed to be aware he's a bumpkin with no interests or hobbies. Still, I feel like he's hiding something. Good storytelling.


Also I noticed a few typos here and there:

astriocat --> aristocrat

No closing quotation here:
"Then he died when I was sixteen.

Also, this line is disconnected from its paragraph which I suspect is a mistake:

something he swore to leave behind in the old days.

"The President have requested to meet you." --> has requested to meet you."

A few doubled spaces in this chapter as well.


I won't mention any more, but I recommend you use an automated tool like Grammarly to quickly find all of these obnoxious little typos and squash them. This chapter was written in 2019 so you should have reread this chapter at least once, right? Your text is so long that it would be very hard to go through by hand, but I'd recommend you both use a tool and go through it by hand if possible. Keep an eye open for missing closing quotes which a tool like Grammarly won't catch.

I tend to make typos as well, especially when I quickly make edits to my older chapters, and a spell checker tool is a good way to catch them. Be careful because they can give false positives as well, and you don't want to erase your own style either.

Chapter 3:

I think you have a tendency to go a little overboard when setting the scene, especially when the meat of the chapters are so interesting. I don't really care about the description of the windows or rays of light. If it was me, I'd probably cut the giant window paragraph entirely and maybe a few more.

Justice is a fun character too. I think your dialogue has a real natural charm to it. It's very expressive with few embellishments. I like how this chapter brings back the setup that the earlier chapters skipped. It's an interesting incompleteness.

The idea of trading information is kind of interesting, but I don't really feel like the president wronged Shiro in any way, yet the narrative frames it as though the President did something bad.. He might as well just demand the answers from Shiro, especially given the power dynamic and how low the stakes feel at this point. He's just asking normal questions, anyway. And then, the narrative surprises me with the delightful interjection by the President where he sets up the rules and breaks them just to send Shiro a message, showing me that I never should have doubted your intentions behind the question game. The storytelling is good, with a strong payoff worth the wait.

The question about sexual preferences and Justice's warning to stay away from the Secretary brings up the question of how bestiality or race mixing works in this universe. Personally at this point I'm thinking that mixed race couples should just give birth to pure-blooded animals for simplicity's sake, but I have faith that the story will illuminate me later.

We learn a little more about the universe here. It's interesting that the superstitious animals see mankind as their master. A commentary on the medieval idea of man having dominion over all animals? And yet the furries seem to have intelligence no less than man, although we don't have many examples at this point. Interesting that you would bring this up in the story itself.

Chapter 4:

A lot of people don't like too much exposition, but I think the introduction to this chapter is remarkably grounded considering your writing style. It also comes with plot-critical detail when you consider the implications carefully. I almost think this is better than having a character explain it to Shiro. Not bad.

More 'diary of a wimpy kid' style poor treatment for our abused Shiro, and yet I'm starting to feel like he really doesn't belong in this fancy place. If he really drops out then so be it, but I know he probably won't because it would break the flow of the story. He sleeps in class. He knows he's behind, yet it's like he doesn't even want to try. Will a helper character help him study later?

The language is very flowery in your descriptions of objects and surroundings. My eyes kind of glazed over and I had to reread to realize that Shiro's briefcase was missing and the leopard helped him find it.

Pretty boy Leo is yet another helper character for Shiro, who is more worldly than the strict Secretary. Not a bad contrast. It was fun seeing how the ladies loved him, and even Shiro considered going gay.

Then we meet the other friends. It's interesting that Dove has a bad first impression of Shiro, but Shiro has a bad first impression of Bara. It's like a well-constructed love triangle. The naming conventions are kind of strange, but I guess this is an international school after all.

Chapter 5:

The 'indestructible' broom is a funny way to start the chapter. Personally, I give the low-level thugs in my story switchblades, chains, and broken sections of pipe to do battle with.

More of Shiro being a bad student, but at least he has his friends to hang out with now. I guess he didn't really choose to be in this school in the first place, so it's hard to blame him too much for his poor performance, but his laziness will cost him in the end. Leo is a good friend for helping him out. It really seems like Shiro doesn't deserve such a helper at this point, but I feel like the narrative wants me to know that and will surprise me once again.

"You're not getting eat," is a line that you liked enough to name the chapter after, but I don't really understand. It has to be intentional if it's the chapter title, right? Is it a dialect? Shiro doesn't say anything like that anywhere else. I don't like it!

We learn about another facet of Shiro's life, his uncomplicated and trusting relationship with his mother who threw him into this mess. It turns out that pretty boy Leo is actually rich boy Leo, with a powerful daddy. Now rich boy Leo and the President both have demonstrated interest in Shiro, are they just trying to manipulate him into becoming their thug?

I like that I expect Shiro to be hated by the nameless characters in the cafeteria, and of course that expectation is rewarded with a fun scene where the zebras are scared of Shiro right away and then they stare at him later when Leo feeds Shiro with a fork. This deadly wolf is simply enjoying a humble pasta salad and they are so hateful, so prejudiced. Yet, these nameless zebras aren't entirely wrong to fear Shiro either. He is simply hiding his power. His treatment isn't entirely unfair. He still appears to me as some kind of violent brute with no business in this academy, and it's only a matter of time until the other student's suspicions of him are proven correct. The building tension is interesting. When will he get into his first fight? Of course, my first expectation is that our angelic protagonist will have trouble come to him and then he'll fight in self-defense, then get punished harshly for it, but I have faith in the writing that something more interesting will happen instead.

The scene with the bowl is good because it's another contrast of Shiro's bumbling nature with the elite world he doesn't belong in. And then... it's the end. Wait, this chapter started with Shiro getting attacked by a sheep dog. Now things are over with rich boy Leo who wants to send Shiro to attack a gorilla? Will things develop into an all-out brawl with the gorilla and the sheepdog with the broom? An interesting stopping place for the chapter, as it encourages the reader to keep going to resolve the tension from the beginning of the chapter, and narratively it works with Leo ominously implying something, but that tension is undercut by the french chef mouse interrupting with the stupid bowl thing again.

Finishing Thoughts (for now)

I feel like I'm still not far enough into this beast to understand the message or story's flow, but I would say your strong suit is definitely the dialogue. It's very enjoyable and the characters have personalities that really shine through, except for our secretive main character who doesn't seem to enjoy speaking very much. As you said, you have a gift for throwing very hard punches. The twists that changed the context of conversations were a real treat whenever they appeared, and I can tell you put a lot of love into setting up them up just right. I definitely enjoyed my time with this story, and I look forward to reading the rest.

I don't get the impression that you are very interested in the hype cycle of getting as many readers as possible, for which I applaud you. Personally, I'm very driven by my ego and crave feedback through statistics. As you're probably aware, the format of monthly 7000 word updates is not suited at all for building organic exposure on this site, even if the quality of your work is very good. Still, splitting up into smaller chunks would be butchering your work with how long and in-depth your dialogues go. It's just a shame that the metric of 'View Count' this site uses doesn't work too well with this type of story, because I feel this is being under-appreciated for how much loving care you put into the story. The fact that you can put out a 9800 word labor-of-love chapter that only gets 11 'views' is almost disgusting. It seems like Scribblehub just doesn't recommend very many stories that fall under 10,000 views. Don't know what to tell you about this one, except that I probably wouldn't have given this story a chance for a long time if you didn't make this post in the forum.

Also, change the cover art, for the love of god. It looks like Shiro scribbled it in his notebook before he fell asleep in physics class. As petty as it sounds, I think it's holding you back from getting more recognition for your work. Even just a straight up picture of a cartoon wolf would be better.

I received some great feedback on this forum, so I hope I can give back by telling you something helpful even if I didn't exactly tear your work apart. I really did enjoy what I read, and I can tell you have a real intellect and a gift for creating interesting situations.

By the way, if I was a furry, I would be a gray rat. Keep that in mind in case you honor me by putting me in your story's universe. Just kidding.

 

[BenJepheneT]

I truly do want to give you the thorough criticism you want, but the text is really dense and I can't give you more than a few superficial thoughts. I'm also not very critical. Still, I hope this is helpful. Here are my impressions as I read through the first 5 chapters. I'll try to give you my thoughts on the rest when I get a moment to finish. I hope you understand, as I have to do some writing for my own series as well.

Fucking hell, don't even be a little bit apologetic about your post. Like I've stated, I fully expected the post to fly under the radar. Even if there's people saying "sure I'll check it out" I expected them to be empty promises.

For you? Nah. Not only did you reply, you gave me a BEHEMOTH of a post to skim through and make some introspection with. And on the next fucking day, no less. Barring the criticalness, you've given enough information to spend a day or two to reflect and digest on, AND you've even stated that you're an author yourself with your own writing to work on. I cannot be more grateful than I am right now.

That said, I'll try my best to reply as I could, seeing as returning the effort as a recipient is the most I could do. Take note that sections that I didn't reply on DIDN'T fly under the radar, they are definitely noted upon. Some others I've deliberately avoided talking about, as they're probably force some clashing interpretations for your view on the story. I'm a big fan of that, and I don't want to ruin it in any way, shape, or form.

Without further ado...

I found myself skimming several times this chapter when you went into extreme detail, but everything else about this chapter is a real treat. I think a single paragraph is more than good enough to describe the scene here, even with the profound symbolism of the black strand of hair falling in a pool of blood, but everything after you set the stage is actually very absorbing.

I think you have a tendency to go a little overboard when setting the scene, especially when the meat of the chapters are so interesting. I don't really care about the description of the windows or rays of light. If it was me, I'd probably cut the giant window paragraph entirely and maybe a few more.

The language is very flowery in your descriptions of objects and surroundings. My eyes kind of glazed over and I had to reread to realize that Shiro's briefcase was

Sorry for jumping all over the place but I'd like to address the heavy descriptions on the first few chapters.

I'll try to make it sound less as an excuse but these are works from my amateur hour. How amateur? Well, they're written back in 2018, when I was still a dumbass who think purple prose is the way to go without considering the necessity. I'm still a dumbass now, but I've addressed the issue in the later chapters. I can confidently say I've cut down on the descriptions as shown on past chapters compared to the more recent ones.

I found the deadly automatic security system a little fantastical, especially in a place with so many VIPS and such a secure hand print system already, but to be fair we have unmanned robot security forces with lethal killing power in our world as well, it's just that they normally only appear in battlefields or border walls. Also I didn't really get what was going on with the stack of papers.

Going back on the chronological order, yes, the stack of papers WERE SUPPOSED to be part of that "fantastical automatic security system". As stated, this was way back in 2018, where I thought this would genuinely be a good idea.

The concept was that the security system was elaborate and convoluted enough to ward absolutely anyone from intruding. The papers in question work as follows: they serve as some identification system where the one who carries it would be considered friendly, and anyone who enters the student councils' territory WITHOUT the papers within close contact will be considered hostile, thus triggering a large scale lockdown.

As stated, convoluted, complicated, stupid, and overblown. If given the chance I would've went back in time and blasted that idea out of my head. But since it's written, posted, read by staple readers AND examined in hindsight for WAY TOO LATE, I have no choice but to stick with it.

The question about sexual preferences and Justice's warning to stay away from the Secretary brings up the question of how bestiality or race mixing works in this universe. Personally at this point I'm thinking that mixed race couples should just give birth to pure-blooded animals for simplicity's sake, but I have faith that the story will illuminate me later.

It is under consideration within the story, regarding the nature of interspecies relationships. It's supposed to serve as open-ended worldbuilding. Here, it's shown that affection is felt, but regarding the effectiveness of such, it would be left in the wayside for readers to piece the puzzles upon, since it's a more unimportant side of the story. I avoided making some quick but unnecessary statements to close some questions regarding the subject since it simply breaks the flow of the current scene at hand and quite frankly, ruins the mystery I've set up.

I understand that I'm making a compromise between accessibility and the story's own structural integrity, the former of which I will discuss shortly, but do know that it is a conscious decision in which the topic itself will be supplemented with more apt examples in the future.

I am playing a dangerous game between the readers' attention span and how interesting my story really is. I know how thin of a tightrope I'm walking on. But I picked the more long-term consideration of how I want my story to be viewed. As of now, I'm building the story less as an ongoing project, but as an unfinished work where potential readers may come and enjoy where it's heading and make speculations WHILE the work is still being done.

Regarding how effective that plan is, I haven't reached enough chapters yet and quite frankly, I'm in no position to make the deduction. Only time will tell.

We learn a little more about the universe here. It's interesting that the superstitious animals see mankind as their master. A commentary on the medieval idea of man having dominion over all animals? And yet the furries seem to have intelligence no less than man, although we don't have many examples at this point. Interesting that you would bring this up in the story itself.

The original intention was to allude to the humans' role within history of THAT universe. I've only given the bare fact that humans ARE SEEN as beings with higher mental capacities and hold higher statuses in society, both the past and present, despite being a minority within the population.

I may have shot myself in the foot here, since the scarcity of human characters mean I don't have much comparisons to make between furries and humans. My original intention was to juggle both the representation of the humans' scarcity within the world AND represent their intelligence/hold/power over society. Evidently, it's not working as well as intended, seeing as I've made one of them a President and nothing else.

Do trust me when I say he does play a deeper role as the story progresses, but as of now, yeah, I can see that problem.

A lot of people don't like too much exposition, but I think the introduction to this chapter is remarkably grounded considering your writing style. It also comes with plot-critical detail when you consider the implications carefully. I almost think this is better than having a character explain it to Shiro. Not bad.

It's a compromise. Speaking as a whole, I understand that my earlier chapters are front loaded with exposition, despite the compromises that I've done. Believe me when I say the drafts for these early chapters can easily kill any sort of engagement you'd have within the story. Fuck me, they'd probably read like the Simarillion of J.R.R. Tolkien's work.

TL;DR: It's basically a stream-of-consciousness exposition dump in one massive fucking book.

But, if it's any consolation, they only persist until, at the least generosity, chapter 7-8. The rest will be pure character interactions and plot development. No, that doesn't mean they will be entirely gone, but they'd serve less of an informative purpose and more of a little bit of context to sweeten the events. A little worldbuilding here and there in spades instead of just projectile vomiting paragraphs after paragraphs.

Even so, I've got a few readers who told me they've given up on the first few chapters just because the compromise isn't enough. This ain't me blaming them: even I doubt I'd read my own writing. Even so, those that remain are of utmost necessity and are STILL incomplete, if spoken strictly. They're adequate, though barely.

If I want to take a more arrogant approach, I'd say it's like a trial for potential readers. If you can sit through all the first few exposition, you'll be rewarded with good ass chapters AND with enough context to enjoy them at their fullest.

God, I feel filthy saying that.

The naming conventions are kind of strange, but I guess this is an international school after all.

Okay, here's where I want to admit some things.

They're intentionally made that way so I could avoid having my characters blend into other characters from other books with more conventional names. It didn't help that on a design perspective, they're not really that interesting either. They're intended as characters to be read, not to be visually appealing, but readers don't know that, and I'm not about to go on a pity parade for my choices. I've made them, and I will own up to them. I won't apologize for the compromises I make. It's a risk I'm willing to take.

They're not given strange names for just the idiosyncracy alone, either. There are themes and meanings behind some of their names. It's just that out of the options, I took the more special ones. It's a childish thought process, I know, but hey, how many times have you seen an aggressive, anthropomorphic animal named motherfucking Dove?

And then... it's the end. Wait, this chapter started with Shiro getting attacked by a sheep dog. Now things are over with rich boy Leo who wants to send Shiro to attack a gorilla? Will things develop into an all-out brawl with the gorilla and the sheepdog with the broom? An interesting stopping place for the chapter, as it encourages the reader to resolve the tension from the beginning of the chapter, and narratively it works with Leo ominously implying something, but that tension is undercut by the french chef mouse interrupting with

Well, as stated, you CAN read the latter chapters for clarification. Hell, you've crossed the hardest path of the story.

I understand that I'm asking more, even after you've given all of THIS for me to sink my hours into. But I will say this with not an ounce of shame; it only gets better here ;)

. I definitely enjoyed my time with this story, and I look forward to reading the rest.

Oh, you DEFINITELY would.

As you're probably already quite aware, the format of monthly 7000 word updates is not suited at all for building organic exposure on this site, even if the quality of your work is very good. Still, splitting up into smaller chunks would be butchering your work with how long and in-depth your dialogues go. It's just a shame that the metric of 'View Count' this site uses doesn't work too well with this type of story, because I feel this is being under-appreciated for how much loving care you put into the story. The fact that you can put out a 9800 word labor-of-love chapter that only gets 11 'views' is almost disgusting. It seems like Scribblehub just straight up doesn't recommend very many stories that fall under 10,000 views. Don't know what to tell you about this one, except that I probably wouldn't have given this story a chance for a long time if you didn't make this post in the forum.

And here's where I'd address my story's accessibility.

This is something I've come to terms with a long time ago.

It's a stupid decision yes, but I've decided to just roll with it. I KNOW I'm not getting any sort of views with this but I really don't want to sacrifice anything for the sake of getting more eyes. It's a pipedream, and hoping to get good traction for this story would be akin to dreaming of flying pigs.

So this is the compromise I've made: shill the story as hard as possible everywhere else, but try not to be obnoxious about it. Hence, the milestone-per-shilling nature of my advertising. Did it work? Well, I don't know. Will you stick around long enough to make it effective?

Conversely, I'm taking a more unconventional route for this story: let it sit at the dark corner of the bookstore where it's out of sight, but utterly entrap ANYONE who ever picks up my stuff. It's a stupid thing to say, but I don't want to make something that's easy to go in but relies on quantity rather than depth to keep the comers hooked. Of course, both aren't mutually exclusive, but my skills aren't up to the par yet. Maybe one day I'll be skilled enough to make the same level of in-depth dialogue in short 2000 word chapters. I might be talking out of my ass here but hey, let a man dream pipedreams.

Until then, this is the compromise I'm taking.

Also, change the cover art, for the love of god. It looks like Shiro scribbled it in his notebook before he fell asleep in physics class. As petty as it sounds, I think it's holding you back from getting more recognition for your work. Even just a straight up picture of a cartoon wolf would be better.

Here's the thing: I don't want to end up like other stories where it's fetched from copyright free Google images, or commissions from other authors.

The truth of the matter is that I'm VERY PICKY on how I want my story to be represented visually. I invite different interpretations, but regarding on what I want to present ALONGSIDE my writing, I have very niche and specific requirements, so much so that it's impossible for me to work with others unless they're a masochist whose willing to work for very, very less.

In other words, I'm a broke-as-fuck who can't afford their own taste.

As such, I can only try to make my own covers with my limited skillset. It's not pretty, I know, but I'm satisfied with it. I might try to go with more conventional covers but for now, marketability isn't really on the forefront of my mind at the moment. Maybe the day will come where I'd pull out a huge sum to make a one-off perfect cover for Caninstinct. But until that day comes, I'll settle for the imperfect balance.

I received some great feedback on this forum, so I hope this was helpful even if I didn't exactly tear it apart.

My man, if I have to be explicit, I'd suck your dick with no fee charged.

By the way, if I was a furry, I would be a rat.

No joke; I think I'll stay human. Being an animal is cool and all, but I'm so used to bring a bald skin demon it'll be hard to give that up.

No cool teeth or big tails, but hey, at least I don't have much hair to deal with.

 

[Tessa_Renalds]

I’ve been slowly reading Cainstinct for a bit now; like Funnyface stated previously the chapters are dense with descriptions and vivid details of the scenes. As such it takes me a bit to digest the material and enjoy it.

I have a few favorite moments;

Spoiler: Favorite moments

the very first scene with Shiro getting questioned, his interaction with Mrs. Secretary before his meeting with the president, his fight scene (it was in chapter 4 or 6) there was quite a bit going on so it blurs in my head, and my all time favorite was the awkward scene between him and the fox.

I still have about six chapters left before I catch up to the recent update, but I’m enjoying what you have.

there’s so much I want to learn about your world that you’ve built, so I’m looking forward to more. Thank you for the read!

Now onto a bit of my own personal critique: I did notice a few grammar, spelling, and sentences that run on—but given time and editing, maybe a fresh set of eyes to help catch those small errors can help freshen up your story.
You have such an interesting and dynamic cast of characters, but sometimes (with all the stuff happening at once) they get lost in the background. Combing through and fine tuning those moments may flesh out your scenes more, and help all your characters thrive.

Im not sure if that helped or not, but off the top of my head that’s what I’ve noted when reading. Thank you for your time!

 

[BenJepheneT]

I have a few favorite moments;

Spoiler: Favorite moments

the very first scene with Shiro getting questioned, his interaction with Mrs. Secretary before his meeting with the president, his fight scene (it was in chapter 4 or 6) there was quite a bit going on so it blurs in my head, and my all time favorite was the awkward scene between him and the fox.

I'd be honest with you: that scene with the fox was one that I cringed through while writing. That was the intent in the first place, but it still had been biting my tongue whilst writing. Glad to see my effort didn't go to absolute waste though.

I still have about six chapters left before I catch up to the recent update, but I’m enjoying what you have.

there’s so much I want to learn about your world that you’ve built, so I’m looking forward to more. Thank you for the read!

Make that 7 in 10 hours ;)

Now onto a bit of my own personal critique: I did notice a few grammar, spelling, and sentences that run on—but given time and editing, maybe a fresh set of eyes to help catch those small errors can help freshen up your story.

I've gotten Grammarly since the double digit chapters to help catch those pesky bastard. I've been editing myself too, though I tend to miss a lot. That's something I'd strive to improve on.

You have such an interesting and dynamic cast of characters, but sometimes (with all the stuff happening at once) they get lost in the background. Combing through and fine tuning those moments may flesh out your scenes more, and help all your characters thrive.

I usually try to confine them into a set location and give them ample screentime, like the dormmates in the, well, dorm. And Krin in the library. The snake in the lobby. So on and so forth. I figured that'll set some pattern for the readers to catch so they won't feel flung out. Maybe I need to review that method. Thanks for telling.

Im not sure if that helped or not, but off the top of my head that’s what I’ve noted when reading. Thank you for your time!

Like I said, I'll take EVERY FUCKING INPUT. You gave me new insight with the above. I'm always open for new perspectives. Likewise, thanks for providing yours.