Check out my Horror book,Its called Found You

[Jonahpanicker]

Just give me chance

 

[Lysander_Works]

Can you link it to the actual book? All you have shown is a screenshot.

 

[Jonahpanicker]

Yes

Found You by Jonah Panicker

Mary was a normal high school girl,or at least she thought. After finding out that her sister across the country that she never met was,she wondered how she died.Then she made her first friend in the 9th grade,her name is Bella.When they became friends, Bella...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[CountVanBadger]

I gave you a chance.

Mary was a normal high school girl,or at least she thought. After finding out that her sister across the country that she never met was,she wondered how she died.

That was your chance.

 

[Jonahpanicker]

Sorry,that was a typo

 

[CountVanBadger]

Sorry,that was a typo

Exactly. You couldn't even be bothered to proofread your blurb, which is literally the first thing people are going to see about your story. And even disregarding the typo, the rest of it is still badly written and has terrible grammar. When you clearly put so little effort into the blurb, why would we think for a second that the actual story is any better?

Edit: Just to be fair, I went ahead and looked at chapter one. It's one single gigantic paragraph. That's two chances, and you're not getting a third.

 

[Jonahpanicker]

I am new to this,sheesh,I'm sorry.But why are you telling me that the book is bad even though you have only read the description,Don't judge a book by its cover,that includes the description

 

[CountVanBadger]

Don't judge a book by its cover,that includes the description

 

[Jonahpanicker]

Just because the description is bad,does not mean my book is bad
It's true,for example,your book,its a good description,but that does not mean that it's good
That was my first book,don't expect perfection

 

[CountVanBadger]

Just because the description is bad,does not mean my book is bad
It's true,for example,your book,its a good description,but that does not mean that it's good

Your logic doesn't logic logically. If you're able to write well, then why didn't you use those writing skills to write a good blurb? Besides, I told you I looked at chapter one, and it's exactly what your blurb led me to think it was.

 

[Jonahpanicker]

I am sorry, I get so excited about making my book that I put a bad description and then put all my effort on the book.I will try to get better at making blurbs.Plus,the action scene in your book is really good
If you could give me some advice. I would love that.You don't have to read my book.But if you do.Can you give me some advice?Thanks
I do like to have one big chapter so I don't end up having like 100 chapters

 

[CountVanBadger]

I do like to have one big chapter so I don't end up having like 100 chapters

I didn't say the the size of the chapter was the problem. The problem was that you apparently forgot that the Enter button existed and published the chapter as Ye Olde Wall o' Text.

 

[Jonahpanicker]

So your saying that I should have parts?
Ok

 

[CountVanBadger]

So your saying that I should have parts?
Ok

I'm saying you should have PARAGRAPHS.

 

[LoominMoon]

Congratulations on finishing your draft! This is a huge accomplishment, and you should be proud. It takes courage to present something you've worked on to others.

That said, a little formatting would help readers to digest your story. I hope you don't mind if I break part of your opening down as an example? (I'm only a novice myself, so this likely won't be perfect).

I stood in front of my bedroom mirror, my heart fluttering with nervous excitement. It was the night of my 9th grade prom. I had spent hours getting ready — carefully curling my long dark hair into soft waves, slipping into a brand-new party dress that shimmered softly under the light, and stepping into a pair of shiny black shoes that made me feel a little taller, a little prettier. I smoothed the fabric one last time and smiled at my reflection.

"Today," I whispered to myself, "I'm finally going to get a boyfriend." It was already 8 p.m. Prom started at 9, so I grabbed my small purse, took one deep breath, and headed out the door.

The cool night air brushed against my skin as I walked the quiet streets toward school. Streetlights cast long, flickering shadows that seemed to stretch and follow me along the sidewalk.

When I arrived at the gym at 8:30...

Breaking your story down into paragraphs like this does a couple of really helpful things for a reader. They separate different speakers, as well as scenes, for example. Not only that, but it gives a person's brain a quick little 'reset/rest'.

 

[Jonahpanicker]

Thank you, Your story is also really good

 

[Jerynboe]

Good luck. Posting something for the first time takes courage (I’m told. I’m a deranged maniac who wasn’t at all nervous when I flopped a 300 chapter erotic fanfic onto the table unprompted.) I hope you can get it into a more readable format that will help with reader retention, but I will note that spamming every forum with self promotion is bad form.

 

[Bimbanana]

 

[BeigeDragon]

At least you’ve got a good sense for marketing.
Good luck with your work.

 

[Hans.Edward.Trondheim]

So your saying that I should have parts?
Ok

Look, I stopped being an author, yet I faced the same problems when I was still writing, which were wrong grammar and punctuation.

If you want to stay in this hobby for a long time, try to learn more about these things. There are other rules, but grammar and punctuation are just basics, so focus on that.

Also, chop your chapter into several paragraphs. Don't copy and slap them without taking into account the layout of your chapter. Readers are often intimidated by walls of text, so you want to alleviate that with paragraphs. For you to know when to move to next paragraph, just cut it once you have written the entire idea on that part of the manuscript.

---

You may have thought of the best idea, but it will be useless if the readers won't read your work because they got turned off by grammar mistakes, and/or punctuation errors, as well as walls of text.

And big chapters (like 4k words and up) in this age of diminishing attention span isn't good. Take it from me; that's one of the problems of my works. A 2k-3k worded chapter is good even if you reached one hundred chapters (and that's actually good coz readers love binge-reading complete and lengthy novels).