Yo guys do u like my story

[CoukyKami]

I mainly posted this to see if u guys can rate my story and tell me what i need to improve or change on my story here is my story .
I write stories about systems that aren’t as fair as they pretend to be.

The System Is Lying

Everyone receives the System on their eighteenth birthday. Quests. Stats. Rewards. It’s fair. It’s perfect. That’s what everyone believes. Kai does too until his rewards change after he accepts them. The System never explains. It never admits mistakes. And it never lies… openly. As small...

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[Worthy39]

Alright, I'm gonna be honest. Your plot doesn't especially stand out to me as groundbreaking, but it's more in the execution, anyway. And your execution was... short. I wouldn't go so far as to call it unreadable, but I don't think I saw a single sentence in the first chapter longer than six words, and if I did they were few and far between. Your concept was fine, but clarity, and at least some additional detail will take you a long way.

I'm not gonna go into specific points you can fix, because I'd be here all day, but, and I don't mean to sound offensive, I think you need to just start over with writing this. Your plot, your characters, and your concept are all fine, but the writing itself is something that needs to be expanded upon. Not even necessarily improved much, but just longer, and editing it would honestly take more work than a full rewrite.