Would love some reviews or comments on my novel!

[MareoKen]

The first 5 chapters of my novel, Spirit Exorcists, are up! Would love some comments and would love to know what you guys think about it.

Here's the synopsis:

When Mark's troubled friend, Ruby, takes her own life, a grieving Mark heads to her suicide spot to pay his respects. In a strange twist of fate, he is attacked by a powerful spirit that reveals itself to be Ruby. Shen, an exorcist from the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, an organisation dedicated to investigating the supernatural, arrives on the scene and attempts to save Mark but complications result in Ruby's spirit binding with Mark. Now, under the guidance of the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, Mark has to learn how to use the powers of Ruby's spirit bound to him to exorcise other spirits while revisiting Ruby's troubled past in order to unbind Ruby's spirit and allow her to pass properly into the afterlife.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/468057/spirit-exorcists/

Genres: Supernatural, Action, Mature

Thank you!

 

[Salvador_Sequeira]

Your novel sounds really interesting, so I'll check it out now.

In exchange, I'd love for you to read/comment on some of my chapters here. No pressure, though, as I'll read yours either way :]

My Novel - The Condemned Child

Genres: Fantasy, Action (Battle Academy)

 

[MareoKen]

Your novel sounds really interesting, so I'll check it out now.

In exchange, I'd love for you to read/comment on some of my chapters here. No pressure, though, as I'll read yours either way :]

My Novel - The Condemned Child

Genres: Fantasy, Action (Battle Academy)

Hey thanks, let me know what you think! Sure, I'll check your novel out too!

 

[MoonlitSonata]

my story genre's are also Supernatural, Action. So, I will take a look .review& comment for sure.
In exchange, I'd like for you to read/comment on some of my chapters here.If you want then.But no pressure.If you don;t want then no need.Elegy of Life&Death-my novel.

 

[MareoKen]

my story genre's are also Supernatural, Action. So, I will take a look .review& comment for sure.
In exchange, I'd like for you to read/comment on some of my chapters here.If you want then.But no pressure.If you don;t want then no need.Elegy of Life&Death-my novel.

Hey, thanks for deciding to check out my novel! Sure, I'll check out your story too!

 

[MoonlitSonata]

Hey, thanks for deciding to check out my novel! Sure, I'll check out your story too!

you are welcome.

 

[EternalSunset0]

The first 5 chapters of my novel, Spirit Exorcists, are up! Would love some comments and would love to know what you guys think about it.

Here's the synopsis:

When Mark's troubled friend, Ruby, takes her own life, a grieving Mark heads to her suicide spot to pay his respects. In a strange twist of fate, he is attacked by a powerful spirit that reveals itself to be Ruby. Shen, an exorcist from the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, an organisation dedicated to investigating the supernatural, arrives on the scene and attempts to save Mark but complications result in Ruby's spirit binding with Mark. Now, under the guidance of the Spiritual Anomalies Investigation Bureau, Mark has to learn how to use the powers of Ruby's spirit bound to him to exorcise other spirits while revisiting Ruby's troubled past in order to unbind Ruby's spirit and allow her to pass properly into the afterlife.

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/468057/spirit-exorcists/

Genres: Supernatural, Action, Mature

Thank you!

I love stories like this and is a sucker for that premise, so I gave it a shot. Seems very inspired by Jujutsu Kaisen. Shen definitely gives off a bit of Gojo vibes, but he looks the part of a slightly edgier Nanami, written as such too, with him not being too OP. The JJK thing is definitely not a bad thing, though, and I enjoyed it because of that. I'm at chapter 3 so far, and I'm liking it.

If you need me to nitpick on something, though, I feel iffy towards the blocks of text early on. I think it would make the thing look better if you use more line breaks on paragraphs with three or more lines.

On the other hand, the huge line breaks in chapter 3 onwards are making the chapters unpleasant to read for me.

I normally don't go after grammar or punctuation unless they're drastically bad, but how "neat" everything looks plays a factor in motivating me to read, so there's that.

 

[MoonlitSonata]

I love stories like this and is a sucker for that premise, so I gave it a shot. Seems very inspired by Jujutsu Kaisen. Shen definitely gives off a bit of Gojo vibes, but he looks the part of a slightly edgier Nanami, written as such too, with him not being too OP. The JJK thing is definitely not a bad thing, though, and I enjoyed it because of that. I'm at chapter 3 so far, and I'm liking it.

If you need me to nitpick on something, though, I feel iffy towards the blocks of text early on. I think it would make the thing look better if you use more line breaks on paragraphs with three or more lines. The huge line breaks in chapter 3 are making the chapter unpleasant to read for me.

I normally don't go after grammar or punctuation unless they're drastically bad, but how "neat" everything looks plays a factor in motivating me to read, so there's that.

Then tryout mine & Mareoken's story,please.

​

 

[EternalSunset0]

Then tryout mine & Mareoken's story,please.

​

Yeah, I'll do it eventually. I also added Salvador's story to my read list since I love battle academy stories too.

I'll do it during my downtime, too, since I also write my own series and do a lot of stuff thanks to multiple day jobs and other hobbies.

 

[MareoKen]

I love stories like this and is a sucker for that premise, so I gave it a shot. Seems very inspired by Jujutsu Kaisen. Shen definitely gives off a bit of Gojo vibes, but he looks the part of a slightly edgier Nanami, written as such too, with him not being too OP. The JJK thing is definitely not a bad thing, though, and I enjoyed it because of that. I'm at chapter 3 so far, and I'm liking it.

If you need me to nitpick on something, though, I feel iffy towards the blocks of text early on. I think it would make the thing look better if you use more line breaks on paragraphs with three or more lines. The huge line breaks in chapter 3 are making the chapter unpleasant to read for me.

I normally don't go after grammar or punctuation unless they're drastically bad, but how "neat" everything looks plays a factor in motivating me to read, so there's that.

Hey, thank you for giving it a read! Yes, I was inspired by Jujutsu Kaisen and Chainsaw Man as well!

Thanks for the feedback! Just to clarify, are you saying I should use more line breaks for bigger paragraphs in order to break it into smaller chunks so that it's easier to read?

For chapter 3, I do agree that the line breaks are rather big, I will take note of this and edit them!

Thank you!

 

[EternalSunset0]

Hey, thank you for giving it a read! Yes, I was inspired by Jujutsu Kaisen and Chainsaw Man as well!

Thanks for the feedback! Just to clarify, are you saying I should use more line breaks for bigger paragraphs in order to break it into smaller chunks so that it's easier to read?

For chapter 3, I do agree that the line breaks are rather big, I will take note of this and edit them!

Thank you!

Yes more line breaks for bigger paragraphs so that it's easier to read.

Yes on the second one, too. Make your line breaks smaller. Something like that we're doing here is fine.
------------------
This


This kind of line break is kinda annoying for me to read.



But hey, it's personal preference.

 

[MareoKen]

Yes more line breaks for bigger paragraphs so that it's easier to read.

Yes on the second one, too. Make your line breaks smaller. Something like that we're doing here is fine.
------------------
This


This kind of line break is kinda annoying for me to read.



But hey, it's personal preference.

I've edited them, let me know if it's better now. I agree that the large breaks can be jarring. Thanks for the feedback!