ThisAdamGuy
Proud inventor of the chocolate onion
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I've spent the past few days making notes for a pirate-themed story I want to write. And before you ask, no, I'm not going to use the "pirate card battle" idea I posted about a couple days ago. I told you I probably wouldn't :P
Anyway, here's what I've got so far. I'd appreciate some feedback on what you think sounds good vs what sounds bad.
It takes place on a world called Shael, which is almost entirely covered by water. There are small islands all over it, but they make up less than 1% of the planet's surface. There are several races living on Shael, humans being one of them, but I haven't developed them enough to be worth talking about.
Thousands of years ago, Shael was ruled by an amphibious race called Sirens. Sirens used a magical language known as the Hymn that only they were capable of speaking, which let them control and alter the world around them. They didn't invent the Hymn, they discovered it, and were constantly researching it to discover even more words so they could expand their power. The Sirens researching their language were known as the Choir, and each member carried a Hymnal that would expand as they learned new and more powerful words.
Eventually, the Choir went too far when they tried using the Hymn to create life itself. Using what eventually became known as the Black Hymn, they attempted to make a new race of creatures that would act as their servants, but quickly lost control--both of the creatures, and of the creation process itself. This resulted in a race of colossal, ravenous beasts that they named the Krakens. A war broke out between the Sirens and the Krakens, but since Black Hymn was completely out of control and creating new Krakens nonstop, the Sirens lost pretty badly.
The last thing the Sirens did was open a gateway to Earth. They used the Hymn to take on a human appearance, and left Shael and its inhabitants to the mercy of the Krakens. Thousands of years passed, and almost all non-Kraken life was wiped out since races that couldn't use the Hymn were completely helpless against them. But when there stopped being enough food to sustain the Krakens, they turned on each other, nearly wiping themselves out as well. The Black Hymn eventually subsided. Krakens were still being created, but nowhere near at the rate they were during the war. Slowly, some semblance of balance began to return to Shael. Considering Shael's terrain, its inhabitants had no choice but to take to the seas if they wanted to expand and survive. The Krakens were still a massive threat, and the inhabitants still had no way to fight them, so they just avoided them as best they could.
Meanwhile, in our world, people have started hearing a mysterious song. If they follow it, they're led to temporary gateways between Earth and Shael. These people are the descendants of the Sirens who came to Earth, almost entirely human but with just enough Siren blood left in them that with training they can learn to use the Hymn. Remnants of the Sirenian empire still exist, most of them left undisturbed at the bottom of the ocean, and that means that occasionally old Hymnals are recovered. Humans who come from our world are known as the New Choir since their ability to learn and speak the Hymn makes them Shael's only living magic users.
Hymnals are hard to explain, but maybe that's just because I haven't developed them enough yet. Basically, they're chock full of magic words, but most human minds aren't able to comprehend them. A word in the Hymn basically encompasses everything a word means, has ever meant, and will ever mean. It's a drop of pure unadulterated Truth, and forcing too much of it into your little mortal noggin can result in big, gooey brainsplosions. As a side effect of being so full of magic, the Hymnals are kinda sorta alive and sentient, and they don't want their owners to die, so they'll limit themselves to keep their owners from melting their own brains. Their pages will appear blank except for the words their owners can handle, and the better their owners get at learning and using the Hymn, the more words they'll reveal. I hope this will give the story the kind of litrpg-lite, progression vibe that webserial fans like so much. I also want to make it so members of the New Choir can steal words from each others' Hymnals if they beat them in battle, but that part is still deep in development.
That's about all I have so far. What do you guys think?
Anyway, here's what I've got so far. I'd appreciate some feedback on what you think sounds good vs what sounds bad.
It takes place on a world called Shael, which is almost entirely covered by water. There are small islands all over it, but they make up less than 1% of the planet's surface. There are several races living on Shael, humans being one of them, but I haven't developed them enough to be worth talking about.
Thousands of years ago, Shael was ruled by an amphibious race called Sirens. Sirens used a magical language known as the Hymn that only they were capable of speaking, which let them control and alter the world around them. They didn't invent the Hymn, they discovered it, and were constantly researching it to discover even more words so they could expand their power. The Sirens researching their language were known as the Choir, and each member carried a Hymnal that would expand as they learned new and more powerful words.
Eventually, the Choir went too far when they tried using the Hymn to create life itself. Using what eventually became known as the Black Hymn, they attempted to make a new race of creatures that would act as their servants, but quickly lost control--both of the creatures, and of the creation process itself. This resulted in a race of colossal, ravenous beasts that they named the Krakens. A war broke out between the Sirens and the Krakens, but since Black Hymn was completely out of control and creating new Krakens nonstop, the Sirens lost pretty badly.
The last thing the Sirens did was open a gateway to Earth. They used the Hymn to take on a human appearance, and left Shael and its inhabitants to the mercy of the Krakens. Thousands of years passed, and almost all non-Kraken life was wiped out since races that couldn't use the Hymn were completely helpless against them. But when there stopped being enough food to sustain the Krakens, they turned on each other, nearly wiping themselves out as well. The Black Hymn eventually subsided. Krakens were still being created, but nowhere near at the rate they were during the war. Slowly, some semblance of balance began to return to Shael. Considering Shael's terrain, its inhabitants had no choice but to take to the seas if they wanted to expand and survive. The Krakens were still a massive threat, and the inhabitants still had no way to fight them, so they just avoided them as best they could.
Meanwhile, in our world, people have started hearing a mysterious song. If they follow it, they're led to temporary gateways between Earth and Shael. These people are the descendants of the Sirens who came to Earth, almost entirely human but with just enough Siren blood left in them that with training they can learn to use the Hymn. Remnants of the Sirenian empire still exist, most of them left undisturbed at the bottom of the ocean, and that means that occasionally old Hymnals are recovered. Humans who come from our world are known as the New Choir since their ability to learn and speak the Hymn makes them Shael's only living magic users.
Hymnals are hard to explain, but maybe that's just because I haven't developed them enough yet. Basically, they're chock full of magic words, but most human minds aren't able to comprehend them. A word in the Hymn basically encompasses everything a word means, has ever meant, and will ever mean. It's a drop of pure unadulterated Truth, and forcing too much of it into your little mortal noggin can result in big, gooey brainsplosions. As a side effect of being so full of magic, the Hymnals are kinda sorta alive and sentient, and they don't want their owners to die, so they'll limit themselves to keep their owners from melting their own brains. Their pages will appear blank except for the words their owners can handle, and the better their owners get at learning and using the Hymn, the more words they'll reveal. I hope this will give the story the kind of litrpg-lite, progression vibe that webserial fans like so much. I also want to make it so members of the New Choir can steal words from each others' Hymnals if they beat them in battle, but that part is still deep in development.
That's about all I have so far. What do you guys think?
