I read 3 of the chapters. Oh, boy, they are terrible. I don't know where to start, even.
The Good
1. No grammar mistakes. At least it's something.
2. ???
The Bad
1. Cliche. Every character is stereotypical. From the Cipher to the detective, all of them! Add something to make them stand out, at least a twist or something? As if I'm reading a knockoff Lupin mixed with caricature Kaito Kid.
2. Beginning. It's terrible. Sure, first sentence is good, but what followed was a train-wreck in making. No context, no clarity, straight action like it was some cheap B-grade movie.
3. Where's world-building? I read some hi-tech words, but didn't see any of them. You didn't give time (or words) to develop it. Like, "there's a dude in unnamed Empire, he steals stuff 'for bigger thing', and some other dude tries to stop him, hehe". It's not even a world-building, it's just a theatrical backdrop for a school play. Think about the world the characters inhabit first, because it's how the characters have more nuanced reasons to act for.
4. You first made a complex plot, BUT didn't gave a GROUND to make it believable. Sure, there's high-tech heists, global criminal networks, political manipulation, BUT FOR WHAT? I didn't find a reason for what in those three chapters.
5. Pacing. It jumps everywhere, not giving a time for the characters and environment to develop by itself, making engaging. Slow down.
6. Dialogue is there to only move plot forward. There is no emotion in the narrative to make me invested in the characters, as they're caricatures of the archetypes they're represent.
7. Spontaneous adding of the characters. You first have to flesh out your main character, not simply expect that MC = likeable. Afterwards, flesh out other characters too, make them unique, not like now, like they're two dimensional as a cardboard cutout. In chapter 3, I didn't have any emotional response to introduction of his colleagues, because they're introduced all of a sudden. I didn't get invested enough on MC, why I would care about the secondary characters?
The Ugly To Improve
1. Complex plot. If you develop the good ground, as in engaging world, unique characters (not what you have now), and a good pacing that doesn't ran away like some gazelle from the jaguar, it CAN be good. Start with simplicity.
2. Your theme of a high-tech criminal world CAN be good when implemented thoroughly and slowly. Your execution needs improvement.
3. Cast of characters. Do them better, and introduce them slowly. They have a fledgling of a personality, but because of your terrible execution, they fell flat.
4. Inner thoughts of the MC. He doesn't have a reason to do what he does. Develop it, and you'll get a better MC whom the readers can empathize with. Currently, he's just a self-insert character.
My suggestion? Start again, but with simplicity and with better, slower pacing. Start with, idk, ordinary day of the MC, how he got to the moment, flesh out the world, why he decided to do "X" (like live streaming in a dark web), preparation for the heist and then enter the action. More tension AND realism in his actions before the moment of stealing the "jewels" is better. Complex plots don't start and end immediately, they brew and develop colors, and THEN emotions and "feel good" moments come for the reader (and possibly you, the author).
Sorry for being harsh, but it is what I found about your writing in this novel. BECOME BETTER, there are countless articles and many more for you to help.
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