want feedback on my sypnosis

[Izumi88]

I want a honest opinion on my sypnosis help would be appreciated . here's my story:

Aegis Zero: noroi kenjutsu!

Middle of the sea, in a dark room of the castle, Two unknown figure what could their relations be friends?foe?rivals? who knows. A newbie hunter who threatens the whole government Black hair, light green eyes a purple robe burning with blue flames and raw strength that defies logic...

www.scribblehub.com

 

[SurfAngel_1031]

I've never seen a 2000 word Synopsis. That aside, you need to edit this quite badly. There are tense and narrative shifts, and run-on sentences.
While it's descriptive, it reads more like is part of a chapter, rather than an overview.

The format of having some aspect of the novel in it isn't new, since a few book covers give a glimpse, it's about picking what to say. In your case I would trim it way down and focus on the stuff that will hook your reader.

Since the "phoenix orb" person is the crux, set that as the focus. Short and sweet. Make us want to read more.
Get rid of the numbered list and just combine a few things.

"Enter a world of thrilling adventure and magic..."
You get it.

Hoped this helped.

 

[nabil_ki]

You might want to try tightening the pace a bit, especially at the beginning, to hook readers faster.
Right now, the detailed descriptions slow things down and make it harder to get pulled into the story.

 

[Izumi88]

I've never seen a 2000 word Synopsis. That aside, you need to edit this quite badly. There are tense and narrative shifts, and run-on sentences.
While it's descriptive, it reads more like is part of a chapter, rather than an overview.

The format of having some aspect of the novel in it isn't new, since a few book covers give a glimpse, it's about picking what to say. In your case I would trim it way down and focus on the stuff that will hook your reader.

Since the "phoenix orb" person is the crux, set that as the focus. Short and sweet. Make us want to read more.
Get rid of the numbered list and just combine a few things.

"Enter a world of thrilling adventure and magic..."
You get it.

Hoped this helped.

i see ty

 

[Shoemilk]

Are you submitting to a publisher or for posting on here?
Synopsis = agent / publishing house
Readers on scribhub = blurb

Writing - Get your story read! How to write a good blurb: Lessons with Dr Shoemilk (Will help you with blurb)

Osu! Good morning, class! It’s time for a lesson with your favorite teacher, shoemilk-sensei*†! *Who? †no longer a real sensei, just a salaryman. We’re going to learn how to recognize one of the hardest things to do when writing a book: Number three, The Blurb. What is a blurb? It’s a...

forum.scribblehub.com

 

[Izumi88]

Are you submitting to a publisher or for posting on here?
Synopsis = agent / publishing house
Readers on scribhub = blurb

Writing - Get your story read! How to write a good blurb: Lessons with Dr Shoemilk (Will help you with blurb)

Osu! Good morning, class! It’s time for a lesson with your favorite teacher, shoemilk-sensei*†! *Who? †no longer a real sensei, just a salaryman. We’re going to learn how to recognize one of the hardest things to do when writing a book: Number three, The Blurb. What is a blurb? It’s a...

forum.scribblehub.com

i'm posting here

 

[Tsuru]

I've never seen a 2000 word Synopsis. That aside, you need to edit this quite badly. There are tense and narrative shifts, and run-on sentences.
While it's descriptive, it reads more like is part of a chapter, rather than an overview.

The format of having some aspect of the novel in it isn't new, since a few book covers give a glimpse, it's about picking what to say. In your case I would trim it way down and focus on the stuff that will hook your reader.

Since the "phoenix orb" person is the crux, set that as the focus. Short and sweet. Make us want to read more.
Get rid of the numbered list and just combine a few things.

"Enter a world of thrilling adventure and magic..."
You get it.

Hoped this helped.

i see ty

Basically, just go read some JP/KR/CN wns summaries and come back.


People keep mocking "oh wow the title is 500 words long, and spoil the whole plot"
but thing is. Its the most efficient and best method for WN to get readers.
Bc now people just GLIMPSE a few seconds before skipping down, as often, the reader know WHAT THEY WANT. (fantasy but not scifi, smut but not yaoi, etc)

Or your cover bait
or title bait
or summary bait
or it is annoyingly popping up in feed / updates AND/OR got 200+ chaps
or it got a very very very big original idea

But a "Enter world of magic where everything is possible" in a grandpa tone ?
Im not zoomer but even me that lived this stuff, know that its no longer mainstream working. Well, at least in SH. RR could work but as you know its toxic there for new writers.

If before "wine aroma dont fear deep alleys" (chinese saying)
now it doesnt work anymore. Nowadays 2025 its "Even good wines fear deep alleys" (and publicity is king)
No matter how good the series is, its worthless if no one try it (like wine).
So the bait attract, but ALSO IMPORTANT, quality keep "hooking" the readers.





tldr : People now judge stuff by its cover HEAVILY and got shopping list ready in their brain. They dont have time to see any "new product", they dont care if its bio or not. They dont care if people bled or sweat for it. They want the good junky stuff that give dopamine drug to brain.

 

[Izumi88]

Basically, just go read some JP/KR/CN wns summaries and come back.


People keep mocking "oh wow the title is 500 words long, and spoil the whole plot"
but thing is. Its the most efficient and best method for WN to get readers.
Bc now people just GLIMPSE a few seconds before skipping down, as often, the reader know WHAT THEY WANT. (fantasy but not scifi, smut but not yaoi, etc)

Or your cover bait
or title bait
or summary bait
or it is annoyingly popping up in feed / updates AND/OR got 200+ chaps
or it got a very very very big original idea

But a "Enter world of magic where everything is possible" in a grandpa tone ?
Im not zoomer but even me that lived this stuff, know that its no longer mainstream working. Well, at least in SH. RR could work but as you know its toxic there for new writers.

If before "wine aroma dont fear deep alleys" (chinese saying)
now it doesnt work anymore. Nowadays 2025 its "Even good wines fear deep alleys" (and publicity is king)
No matter how good the series is, its worthless if no one try it (like wine).
So the bait attract, but ALSO IMPORTANT, quality keep "hooking" the readers.





tldr : People now judge stuff by its cover HEAVILY and got shopping list ready in their brain. They dont have time to see any "new product", they dont care if its bio or not. They dont care if people bled or sweat for it. They want the good junky stuff that give dopamine drug to brain.

thanks for the advice