Blue09o
Active member
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2022
- Messages
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- 43
Again if I put this in the wrong thread im sorry
(now that I think about it may be this should've been put on the discussion & tips side)
If you are confused check my last thread and you'll understand (I think).
Anyway I think I have thought of a good(or at least decent ) event/story for my short story idea, and I need your feedback on how it goes and how you think is better to improve it.
Being a one shot I don't have much freedom to make the story connect so I'll make the chapter start at the end of the storyline.
Also about the chosen heroes it seems that chosen heroes is not liked so im changing it to companion (one who the mc meet in her journey forming trust after many battle they have gone through).
The chapter begin. It shows that the mc, her companions and the kingdoms army is in position to ambush the vampire kingdom.
Before they attack the captain inform the mc and her companion about the completion of a preparation.
It turns out all mages is in the back acting as a mana tank for the mc to make one big beginning attack(tactical nuke) that will startle and disorder the vampire army.
After that the army, and her companion rushed in the kingdom to attack all remaining vampire.
They battle together until the mc sees her target, the one who mobilise the attack on her kingdom hundreds of year's ago that person is none other than the Princess of the vampire (now the Queen)
This enraged the Mc she lunges at that person with terrifying speed and hatred on her face, the force of that lunge make them get thrown away to a canyon.
This will be the climax the part where the emotional feeling of the mc get shown and the part where the twist of why the elven kingdom is getting attacked in the past being revealed.
After the revelation the mc get even more angry she get even stronger and throws every attack she have at the vampire but it does not work, as a vampire the vampire princess can't die as long as there are another of her kind around she can resurect herself indefinitely.
Knowing this the mc have no other choice but to sacrifice the land.
She know full well by doing it would also sacrifice her companion and ally. But consumed by hatred she does it anyway.
The Mc levitate up into the sky and chant.
"Titan helios, god Apollo, goddess artemis. I sacrifice all I have upon you , conjure me a weapon that transcend all reality, punish those who have the ultimate sins, may the weight of all sun falls upon you"
With that chant the ground begin to melt, a sun begin to appear above the mc, her bow and arrow glow a golden light.
One shot and the sun blast his golden light onto the vampire princess, she tried all she can to survive but it's all futile she in no time disintegrate into dust.
After this the mc falls from the sky she have ran out of energy so she have no choice but to accept, but suddenly she is catched by a person. Her companions.
It turns out when she chant that spel she regained some rational thought and force herself even more to cast a transport spel into all the ally she have but it all cause a huge magical burden on her and dried her mana reserve up.
After this moment the story continue after the mc have rested and regained some of her energy naturally this will be the part where the story end into a happily ever after.
The Mc decided to go back to her roots it turns out there's still some elf that is still alive so she with the remaining elf will go back to where it all started, to the deep of the forest where her kingdom once resign rebuilding it until it can flourished as it was once in the past.
As for her companion they all decided to join.
That's all everyone that you for reading now that's the general idea of the story in my head for now and I want your feed back on what part you would change and if it's good enough.
Once again thank you.
(now that I think about it may be this should've been put on the discussion & tips side)
If you are confused check my last thread and you'll understand (I think).
Anyway I think I have thought of a good(or at least decent ) event/story for my short story idea, and I need your feedback on how it goes and how you think is better to improve it.
Being a one shot I don't have much freedom to make the story connect so I'll make the chapter start at the end of the storyline.
Also about the chosen heroes it seems that chosen heroes is not liked so im changing it to companion (one who the mc meet in her journey forming trust after many battle they have gone through).
The chapter begin. It shows that the mc, her companions and the kingdoms army is in position to ambush the vampire kingdom.
Before they attack the captain inform the mc and her companion about the completion of a preparation.
It turns out all mages is in the back acting as a mana tank for the mc to make one big beginning attack(tactical nuke) that will startle and disorder the vampire army.
After that the army, and her companion rushed in the kingdom to attack all remaining vampire.
They battle together until the mc sees her target, the one who mobilise the attack on her kingdom hundreds of year's ago that person is none other than the Princess of the vampire (now the Queen)
This enraged the Mc she lunges at that person with terrifying speed and hatred on her face, the force of that lunge make them get thrown away to a canyon.
This will be the climax the part where the emotional feeling of the mc get shown and the part where the twist of why the elven kingdom is getting attacked in the past being revealed.
After the revelation the mc get even more angry she get even stronger and throws every attack she have at the vampire but it does not work, as a vampire the vampire princess can't die as long as there are another of her kind around she can resurect herself indefinitely.
Knowing this the mc have no other choice but to sacrifice the land.
She know full well by doing it would also sacrifice her companion and ally. But consumed by hatred she does it anyway.
The Mc levitate up into the sky and chant.
"Titan helios, god Apollo, goddess artemis. I sacrifice all I have upon you , conjure me a weapon that transcend all reality, punish those who have the ultimate sins, may the weight of all sun falls upon you"
With that chant the ground begin to melt, a sun begin to appear above the mc, her bow and arrow glow a golden light.
One shot and the sun blast his golden light onto the vampire princess, she tried all she can to survive but it's all futile she in no time disintegrate into dust.
After this the mc falls from the sky she have ran out of energy so she have no choice but to accept, but suddenly she is catched by a person. Her companions.
It turns out when she chant that spel she regained some rational thought and force herself even more to cast a transport spel into all the ally she have but it all cause a huge magical burden on her and dried her mana reserve up.
After this moment the story continue after the mc have rested and regained some of her energy naturally this will be the part where the story end into a happily ever after.
The Mc decided to go back to her roots it turns out there's still some elf that is still alive so she with the remaining elf will go back to where it all started, to the deep of the forest where her kingdom once resign rebuilding it until it can flourished as it was once in the past.
As for her companion they all decided to join.
That's all everyone that you for reading now that's the general idea of the story in my head for now and I want your feed back on what part you would change and if it's good enough.
Once again thank you.